TalentedButNuts
New Here
First time posting, but really need advice.
First, I've never been able to officially obtain a diagnosis largely because I through periods where I am functioning with very little symptoms and don't want to waste the money on medical treatment. When I have been hospitalized for traumatic stress episodes, I was also a "substance abuser" at the time and most of the issues were blamed on drugs. I have a really high IQ (sorry to sound boastful - I'm one of those sponge-mind freaks), so it's difficult for me to get most people to believe me about when symptoms get bad. My ability to understand the illness and my problems in the abstract and be able to articulate them well leads to people thinking that I'm just being dramatic. I usually cease treatment around those times and seek it out again when the next crisis hits.
Background info: I was attempted murdered at 18 by a friend (long story) and had my hand cut in half with a switchblade; the perpetrator suffered no consequences because he told police that I had attempted suicide while I was incapacitated waiting for surgery. He was able to get away from this because my religious parents sent me to teenager rehab for drug use (largely marijuana) where I was abused (given behavioral isolation because I was "faking" seizures that were induced by antipsychotics prescribed by their greedy quack). I was bullied a lot as a kid because I was highly intelligent, but also got away with very disruptive and sometimes criminal behavior because I was one of the best "academic" students in the metro area. I was kicked out of high school for not showing up due to my traumatic hospital stay. My parents may or may not be personality disordered (I really don't want to think about it now because they understand that my current situation is so desperate that I have to take their help), and I grew up in a very chaotic household.
I was able to go to college for biochemistry and had a 3.96 until this past semester; however, it has been hell with many withdrawals and mental breakdowns. Sometimes I may be able to give a lecture for a freshman class, other times I can barely get out of bed to go to campus. I took a year and a half off half way through to move to a new state, and eventually re-enrolled at a new school. With about 12 credit hours to go, I became very disillusioned with my major which coincided with the time when I first began to get offers for money to produce artwork (I've been drawing since I was 3). I haven't been able to take any of this work because of what has happened over the past year.
I decided to go back for my last semester just to finish. I have ruined my life in doing so and doubled my student loan debt and put myself in a position where I cannot pay off credit cards used to pay tuition for previous semesters (my parents made too much and wouldn't help me - my dad got fired from that job a year later...). I had my symptoms largely under control save for one or two breakdowns during "down" periods (christmas break, spring break, etc.).
About a year ago, a mutual acquaintance of mine through my old roommate that lived in the state where I grew up contacting me saying that he wanted to get his life together and start fresh in a new area (he is in the South and I am in Colorado). I figured that it would be a good way to save money on rent with someone that wasn't a total stranger. He stated that he had no credit problems and was willing to stop partying all the time. We then signed a lease while were both out of town. (I had to have my dad sign who has emotional outbursts, so I took a leap of faith on a lease before he pulled the idea entirely and I ended up on the streets). The apartment that we rented was uninhabitable - extremely so. I didn't spend one night in it and still had to get an inhaler. I slept in the alley way. While I fought the leasing company tooth and nail (I was able to get the lease voided by recording them on a phone call admitting to breaking the law and have the health department come 3 times but we both still lost $2000), he vacationed with his mom and got to check out parts of the state that I haven't seen after having been here for 3 years. I tried to not let this bother me. We then signed a new lease for an apartment that I found while he vacationed. He told me that he failed the credit check because he wasn't currently employed (jobs are plentiful here, so I wasn't concerned), but later told me that he had a $6000 debt in default after my father and I signed the lease. He was broke, so I forked up the money for the security deposit.
I was already beginning to feel taken advantage of but chopped it up to just another roommate, and figured that as long as he paid the bills, I would ignore it. He then got a job working from home (they have an office here in town, but he's too lazy to leave the house) and began using our living room as a home office (a violation of the lease). I said that this was fine temporarily (wary of his reaction). This severely restricted by use of the apartment and was beyond stressful because his schedule was variable. I called a roommate meeting a month later about the office situation, his need to pay the deposit to me, and his lack of cleaning the apartment. He agreed but only after bringing up how my TBI/PTSD symptoms make living with me difficult (at this time I was high functioning - he would make statements like "you're always grumpy" or "you don't have any friends"). A month later, we had a verbal disagreement because I knew he was using his money on concerts and drugs while I acrued interest on credit cards. He said his parents would pay the amount in full by the end of the month. The next week I confronted him about the office situation and we had a verbal argument. I recorded the conversation. A week later he said that his work-benefit attorney would be sending me a letter that he would be moving in 60 days and 7 months before the lease was set to end and that I would only be getting the deposit that way. I then filed a motion in small claims court. Over the next two months he harassed me, lied to my family to confuse them in assisting me, threatened to extort me with false police reports, taunted me about my mental breakdown, and had the police called on me for a noise complaint. We had to sign a lease break agreement and pay a fee because I couldn't afford the apartment alone (student on student loans). He then counter claimed me in court saying that my "threatening texts" (he was using my PTSD/TBI symptoms to bait me into making a case that he "had" to sign the lease break when he in fact had started all this while I was totally lucid) are reason that I owe him money for the lease break. He also claims that I committed theft (I have some of his stuff and have tried multiple times to return it but am only met with harassment) when he actually did steal my goods. He has threatened to extort my family for money too. The police just don't care.
Anyway, this has all lead me to have a complete mental breakdown. I have tried to call the police to have them file a report on him. That's only gotten the cops called on me to make sure I'm "not going to hurt myself." I really don't know what to do. This person has completely ruined my life, and continues to do so (he finally stopped texting after I informed local police in my new county). It's literally driving me nuts. I lost 12 lbs last week from stressing about failing school and having to pay the money back, and having to try to explain all my craziness in a court. No one seems to want to help or decipher all of this. I may end up homeless. I know that a lot of this seems self-inflicted but there are many crazy PTSD symptom nights written between the lines here. Any help would be appreciated.
Footnote: I already had panic attacks with school for a variety of reasons and the stress of this issue has just blown in out of proportion. I try to right then totally dissociate and hours go by. Then I'm stressed about failing and owing the school money that I don't have. If I owe them money, I won't be able to register for my last class and may never finish my degree.
First, I've never been able to officially obtain a diagnosis largely because I through periods where I am functioning with very little symptoms and don't want to waste the money on medical treatment. When I have been hospitalized for traumatic stress episodes, I was also a "substance abuser" at the time and most of the issues were blamed on drugs. I have a really high IQ (sorry to sound boastful - I'm one of those sponge-mind freaks), so it's difficult for me to get most people to believe me about when symptoms get bad. My ability to understand the illness and my problems in the abstract and be able to articulate them well leads to people thinking that I'm just being dramatic. I usually cease treatment around those times and seek it out again when the next crisis hits.
Background info: I was attempted murdered at 18 by a friend (long story) and had my hand cut in half with a switchblade; the perpetrator suffered no consequences because he told police that I had attempted suicide while I was incapacitated waiting for surgery. He was able to get away from this because my religious parents sent me to teenager rehab for drug use (largely marijuana) where I was abused (given behavioral isolation because I was "faking" seizures that were induced by antipsychotics prescribed by their greedy quack). I was bullied a lot as a kid because I was highly intelligent, but also got away with very disruptive and sometimes criminal behavior because I was one of the best "academic" students in the metro area. I was kicked out of high school for not showing up due to my traumatic hospital stay. My parents may or may not be personality disordered (I really don't want to think about it now because they understand that my current situation is so desperate that I have to take their help), and I grew up in a very chaotic household.
I was able to go to college for biochemistry and had a 3.96 until this past semester; however, it has been hell with many withdrawals and mental breakdowns. Sometimes I may be able to give a lecture for a freshman class, other times I can barely get out of bed to go to campus. I took a year and a half off half way through to move to a new state, and eventually re-enrolled at a new school. With about 12 credit hours to go, I became very disillusioned with my major which coincided with the time when I first began to get offers for money to produce artwork (I've been drawing since I was 3). I haven't been able to take any of this work because of what has happened over the past year.
I decided to go back for my last semester just to finish. I have ruined my life in doing so and doubled my student loan debt and put myself in a position where I cannot pay off credit cards used to pay tuition for previous semesters (my parents made too much and wouldn't help me - my dad got fired from that job a year later...). I had my symptoms largely under control save for one or two breakdowns during "down" periods (christmas break, spring break, etc.).
About a year ago, a mutual acquaintance of mine through my old roommate that lived in the state where I grew up contacting me saying that he wanted to get his life together and start fresh in a new area (he is in the South and I am in Colorado). I figured that it would be a good way to save money on rent with someone that wasn't a total stranger. He stated that he had no credit problems and was willing to stop partying all the time. We then signed a lease while were both out of town. (I had to have my dad sign who has emotional outbursts, so I took a leap of faith on a lease before he pulled the idea entirely and I ended up on the streets). The apartment that we rented was uninhabitable - extremely so. I didn't spend one night in it and still had to get an inhaler. I slept in the alley way. While I fought the leasing company tooth and nail (I was able to get the lease voided by recording them on a phone call admitting to breaking the law and have the health department come 3 times but we both still lost $2000), he vacationed with his mom and got to check out parts of the state that I haven't seen after having been here for 3 years. I tried to not let this bother me. We then signed a new lease for an apartment that I found while he vacationed. He told me that he failed the credit check because he wasn't currently employed (jobs are plentiful here, so I wasn't concerned), but later told me that he had a $6000 debt in default after my father and I signed the lease. He was broke, so I forked up the money for the security deposit.
I was already beginning to feel taken advantage of but chopped it up to just another roommate, and figured that as long as he paid the bills, I would ignore it. He then got a job working from home (they have an office here in town, but he's too lazy to leave the house) and began using our living room as a home office (a violation of the lease). I said that this was fine temporarily (wary of his reaction). This severely restricted by use of the apartment and was beyond stressful because his schedule was variable. I called a roommate meeting a month later about the office situation, his need to pay the deposit to me, and his lack of cleaning the apartment. He agreed but only after bringing up how my TBI/PTSD symptoms make living with me difficult (at this time I was high functioning - he would make statements like "you're always grumpy" or "you don't have any friends"). A month later, we had a verbal disagreement because I knew he was using his money on concerts and drugs while I acrued interest on credit cards. He said his parents would pay the amount in full by the end of the month. The next week I confronted him about the office situation and we had a verbal argument. I recorded the conversation. A week later he said that his work-benefit attorney would be sending me a letter that he would be moving in 60 days and 7 months before the lease was set to end and that I would only be getting the deposit that way. I then filed a motion in small claims court. Over the next two months he harassed me, lied to my family to confuse them in assisting me, threatened to extort me with false police reports, taunted me about my mental breakdown, and had the police called on me for a noise complaint. We had to sign a lease break agreement and pay a fee because I couldn't afford the apartment alone (student on student loans). He then counter claimed me in court saying that my "threatening texts" (he was using my PTSD/TBI symptoms to bait me into making a case that he "had" to sign the lease break when he in fact had started all this while I was totally lucid) are reason that I owe him money for the lease break. He also claims that I committed theft (I have some of his stuff and have tried multiple times to return it but am only met with harassment) when he actually did steal my goods. He has threatened to extort my family for money too. The police just don't care.
Anyway, this has all lead me to have a complete mental breakdown. I have tried to call the police to have them file a report on him. That's only gotten the cops called on me to make sure I'm "not going to hurt myself." I really don't know what to do. This person has completely ruined my life, and continues to do so (he finally stopped texting after I informed local police in my new county). It's literally driving me nuts. I lost 12 lbs last week from stressing about failing school and having to pay the money back, and having to try to explain all my craziness in a court. No one seems to want to help or decipher all of this. I may end up homeless. I know that a lot of this seems self-inflicted but there are many crazy PTSD symptom nights written between the lines here. Any help would be appreciated.
Footnote: I already had panic attacks with school for a variety of reasons and the stress of this issue has just blown in out of proportion. I try to right then totally dissociate and hours go by. Then I'm stressed about failing and owing the school money that I don't have. If I owe them money, I won't be able to register for my last class and may never finish my degree.
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