First hospitalization

[BoN-bOn]

I was hospitalized for the very first time. SO scary. Hardest five days of my life. I don't want to go down this road. I don't want to un-ravel. I'm so afraid of myself now...afraid of my ability to cope with all of this. I don't want to become unable to function. I've got to stay strong. Had a lot of time to spend with my own thoughts & although this seems like a huge setback, maybe I've come to terms with the "angry teenager" inside me who is self-destructive, reckless, afraid, & full of rage....somehow I've got to let that little girl that everything is okay now & that it's okay to let these feelings out in a safe way. I don't have to punish myself anymore. I don't have to run from these feelings.

Who knows what tomorrow will hold as far as my job is concerned. I need encouragement, hugs, prayers & whatever anyone feels led to give. This is a super scary time for me right now.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I feel so close to giving up and letting this C-PTSD & the lack of support from my family consume me. I am a FIGHTER?! What is happening to me? :cry:

 

[ladee]

You are still fighting..just in a different way.
You are reaching out...that takes courage.
You are being more honest with yourself.
You know what you want to accomplish...only fighters have goals.
You've learned the old way is No longer working. You had to fight thru a lot of denial to see that.
You are still very much a fighter..it's your strategy that has changed.
You have courage.
Fighters have courage.
I feel you are heading in the right direction.
Keep coming here and sharing. Ask questions.
You are not allone And we do understand!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Sending you many healing, empowering, calming, and clarifying thoughts, along with some gentle hugs for your heart.

Our inner badass potential often gets trampled by the overly active what-ifness brain, the deeply ingrained societal and familial expectations, the self-inflicted automatic ass-whooping we're used to giving ourselves, and the boat loads of memories/struggles/injuries we continue to sort and deal with daily. At least that's how it feels to me.

Our individual flavors of badassery often get replaced by the essence of our deeply wounded inner child (teenager/young adult/basic human being) who's just wanting to be loved, nurtured, and accepted as we are. Not something you really find much of in a hospital setting, unfortunately, but maybe you can work in some extra loving kindness and nurturing for self? Baby steps....be kind to yourself.

Wishing you peace of mind and heart.

 

[One step at a time]

You are brave. You are a fighter. Sometimes fighting looks differently than we expect it to.
Sending support, and a hug in a jar, for when you want it.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I totally understand your way of thinking. There are just days we do not want to deal with it at all, like our brains need to just let go for a little while when we don't have to think, understand, or reason about this condition.

I think what we really want in those times is to be able to just for a little while live without PTSD. Not going to happen of course, but a nice dream.