So I had a huge back-step a couple of weeks ago.
I stumbled across the fact that my abuser had unblocked me on facebook all of a sudden which sent me in to a complete panic.A colleague had tagged me in a public work post so he could see exactly where I work which worries me, plus all the questions going round in my head 'why has he unblocked me, is he trying to mess with me on purpose, is he checking up on me'.
I told my best friend, who has been there through all he did to me, and she lost it and messaged him - yes, may not have been the best idea. From there came a 2 hour argument where he denied every single thing he did to me.
**
Little back story, me and him were seeing each other for a few weeks... one day he forced himself on me over and over again. I found out I was pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. He spent weeks mentally abusing me and threatening me, turning up at my work. He said he was going to destroy me. The only way he would leave me alone is if I took all the blame for the attack, told him in writing that it was my fault and that he was innocent so that I couldn't ever go to the police, so that's what I did.
At the time I was so scared of him that I took an overdose because I thought it was the only way out. Had he of told me to cut off my own hand, I would have done it to get away.
**
Anyway in the argument he had with her, he said how he had kept his old phone with all the messages I sent him saying it wasn't his fault (this was 2 years ago by the way) and that if I wanted to do anything then go to the police, otherwise as far as he's concerned, he's innocent.
Since then I have been kicking myself.
I have no intention of going to the police, for many reasons, so me absolving him from blame way back then doesn't matter to me in that sense.
I've been kicking myself because I feel such a twat for being a coward.
As stupid as it sounds. I feel like I should have just either let the overdose take me away or let him do whatever he was going to do when he threatened to destroy me.
And I can't quite put my finger on what exactly I'm feeling right now or why, but I'm literally clinging to a bottle of Pino trying not to cut again.
I stumbled across the fact that my abuser had unblocked me on facebook all of a sudden which sent me in to a complete panic.A colleague had tagged me in a public work post so he could see exactly where I work which worries me, plus all the questions going round in my head 'why has he unblocked me, is he trying to mess with me on purpose, is he checking up on me'.
I told my best friend, who has been there through all he did to me, and she lost it and messaged him - yes, may not have been the best idea. From there came a 2 hour argument where he denied every single thing he did to me.
**
Little back story, me and him were seeing each other for a few weeks... one day he forced himself on me over and over again. I found out I was pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. He spent weeks mentally abusing me and threatening me, turning up at my work. He said he was going to destroy me. The only way he would leave me alone is if I took all the blame for the attack, told him in writing that it was my fault and that he was innocent so that I couldn't ever go to the police, so that's what I did.
At the time I was so scared of him that I took an overdose because I thought it was the only way out. Had he of told me to cut off my own hand, I would have done it to get away.
**
Anyway in the argument he had with her, he said how he had kept his old phone with all the messages I sent him saying it wasn't his fault (this was 2 years ago by the way) and that if I wanted to do anything then go to the police, otherwise as far as he's concerned, he's innocent.
Since then I have been kicking myself.
I have no intention of going to the police, for many reasons, so me absolving him from blame way back then doesn't matter to me in that sense.
I've been kicking myself because I feel such a twat for being a coward.
As stupid as it sounds. I feel like I should have just either let the overdose take me away or let him do whatever he was going to do when he threatened to destroy me.
And I can't quite put my finger on what exactly I'm feeling right now or why, but I'm literally clinging to a bottle of Pino trying not to cut again.
