First work experience contract in 3 years!!

[Hopefulphoenix]

I said to myself that this would be the year when I would expose myself back into society, but I didnt expect it to begin this soon.
I have been given a work practise in an ecological bakery/cafe in the city, part time.
I have absolutely no idea how I am going to be able to do this, but I have done it before and it made me the happiest I have been since I got sick.
It is an incredible paradox. I have agorophobic tendencies big time, same with the social phobia. But I seem just to be able to click into a customer service mode and Im pretty good at it. (Plus the smell of freshly ground coffee and baked bread is lush.)
However I am terrified...the thick wall of exposure is very tough to break through. Plus I kind of feel like Im holding all these secrets coz I feel so different to people.
But it will help me. Sitting at home alone does not. ?

 

[Wendell_R]

Congratulations! That sounds like a wonderful opportunity.

But I seem just to be able to click into a customer service mode and Im pretty good at it. (Plus the smell of freshly ground coffee and baked bread is lush.)

I have a similar reaction. The nice thing about job duties is that for most of the interactions, you know exactly how the conversations & interactions will go, and that's calming.

Plus I kind of feel like Im holding all these secrets coz I feel so different to people.

Lots of people have lots of secrets! It's okay to have your privacy.

I hope the terror is short-lived and goes away soon after you start.

 

[Teasel]

That sounds absolutely fantastic, good for you! I understand well feeling terrified but I hope it's a really positive experience for you. Something that helps you get back in the world x

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Thank you guys! I hope the “terror” is short lived too. I woke up this morning thinking there is no way I can do this, but deep down I know I will. I know its not really scary, that people will be kind, and I guess when depression leads me to isolation Im telling myself people are dangerous. Healing is hard!!!!!!

 

[ms spock]

Way to GO!!!! That is fantastic!

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Ty @Living in the 70s only two days to go now... I think I just have to accept the fear and self doubt, accompanied by thoughts of “I cant” until my body actually DOES go! Its a very big life change! ?

 

[Abstract]

Good for you! Sure it will start feeling more doable as you go along. One step at a time does it,

 

[ms spock]

How are you going?

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

@Living in the 70s Thanks for asking. I actually confronted an exposurers nightmare on my first day. The girl who was supposed to train me I think had serious issues. It was horrible, she embarassed me by being over familiar with customers and introducing me. She didnt teach me a thing. (Maybe how not to be)
She told me loads of inappropriate gossip about staff and customers. When she took me upstairs for an hours break (!) and told me God had sent me to her to “help” I explained that I had ptsd and what a trigger was. She was one, so badly!
She is leaving very soon, but the disregulation that occured in me afterwards made me have a panic attack on street. Its another worst nightmare! (Trying to hold back tears in a crowd of people, feeling trapped) .
Everybody I told has said to me I was extremely unlucky and that most humans are not so.
I have to go in to see the manger and tell her today. Oh God!! I was up till 5 stressing.
This is the manager the girl told me was really mean and scary.
Trying to be level headed. Luckily I have a job supporter guy going in with me. But ty for asking !