ChoctawWarrior
Bronze Member
Well, I had a flashback like an hour to two and a half hours ago. I don't really know how to explain the trigger... Here's the story:
My mom's BF usually spends EVERY weekend- like he did this one- over at our house, and leaves on Sunday. He gets on my nerves a TON and he can kind of be a jerk sometimes. Then on Sunday, when it's time for him to go, my mom walks him to the city bus. Then I get time to be with my mom, which is what I've been craving because I don't get too much quality "mom/daughter time" with her. Mom's been wanting that too- he just comes over ALL the time.
Anyways, today, I was getting ready to go to the coffee shop with my computer (which I usually do), and I was wondering when they were going to be leaving to drop her BF off at the bus stop so I asked (nicely), and he said something along the lines of, "I don't know, when YOU leave....maybe 1 hour, maybe 2..."
The way he said it was in his usual smart-ass, rude-like demeanor- like, I could tell in the manner in which he said it, in his tone, that he was saying "We (I) can leave anytime we (or I) damn well choose, so HA!".....or maybe I was perceiving it that way, since I've been treated hurtfully in the past by my mom's other boyfriends, which has left me at a more fragile, careful state...
Bottom line- it triggered me. I felt pissed off. I went into my room and lay down on the bed, so pissed....and I don't know how to explain this, but all of these memories started coming up in my head, and I didn't have enough willpower to stop it on my own. I felt the anger boiling up, and then I felt like I was disconnected from present times, and put back into the past- it was happening again....
I was angry as if those things from my past were happening right at the moment- it was actually like they WERE happening- like I was reliving it! I began crying in frustration, then I angrily packed my laptop, etc, and stormed out of my room to the front door. My mom was like "What's going on?!" And I said "I had a flashback..." and left out the door. My mom called me back in- so, not wanting anymore trouble, I obeyed.
We talked in my room and I told her I had a flashback, and what it was about. She gave me her usual "buck up" speech (she just doesn't seem to understand sometimes :cry: ). Then she told me to go for a walk to cool off while her BF gets ready to leave, so she could get him out of the house.
Which leads me here, to the coffee shop....ugh, that was upsetting.... :(
My mom's BF usually spends EVERY weekend- like he did this one- over at our house, and leaves on Sunday. He gets on my nerves a TON and he can kind of be a jerk sometimes. Then on Sunday, when it's time for him to go, my mom walks him to the city bus. Then I get time to be with my mom, which is what I've been craving because I don't get too much quality "mom/daughter time" with her. Mom's been wanting that too- he just comes over ALL the time.
Anyways, today, I was getting ready to go to the coffee shop with my computer (which I usually do), and I was wondering when they were going to be leaving to drop her BF off at the bus stop so I asked (nicely), and he said something along the lines of, "I don't know, when YOU leave....maybe 1 hour, maybe 2..."
The way he said it was in his usual smart-ass, rude-like demeanor- like, I could tell in the manner in which he said it, in his tone, that he was saying "We (I) can leave anytime we (or I) damn well choose, so HA!".....or maybe I was perceiving it that way, since I've been treated hurtfully in the past by my mom's other boyfriends, which has left me at a more fragile, careful state...
Bottom line- it triggered me. I felt pissed off. I went into my room and lay down on the bed, so pissed....and I don't know how to explain this, but all of these memories started coming up in my head, and I didn't have enough willpower to stop it on my own. I felt the anger boiling up, and then I felt like I was disconnected from present times, and put back into the past- it was happening again....
I was angry as if those things from my past were happening right at the moment- it was actually like they WERE happening- like I was reliving it! I began crying in frustration, then I angrily packed my laptop, etc, and stormed out of my room to the front door. My mom was like "What's going on?!" And I said "I had a flashback..." and left out the door. My mom called me back in- so, not wanting anymore trouble, I obeyed.
We talked in my room and I told her I had a flashback, and what it was about. She gave me her usual "buck up" speech (she just doesn't seem to understand sometimes :cry: ). Then she told me to go for a walk to cool off while her BF gets ready to leave, so she could get him out of the house.
Which leads me here, to the coffee shop....ugh, that was upsetting.... :(
