Flashback Or Delusion?

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi All,

This has been really bugging me lately. My T says some of what I my flashbacks are about are true, but some of it may be delusion. He says that the constant yelling at me is probably true...

But, I have spoken to people around me at the time and most of them say that it never happened, I never told them, its all pretty much delusion.

My trauma is work related btw. So when I say people around me, I am referring to people I worked with at the time, my family, my husband.

Even the most 'normal' of flashbacks such as being yelled at constantly in my office, the person in closest proximity to me who would have heard said...I was never yelled at, never bullied, that if it was done, it was done discreetly...

Another person 5 doors down said that she heard me being yelled at occasionally - but not constantly like my flashbacks. Another person 5 doors down on the other side of me, has no recollection at all of anything being wrong, of any yelling...

As only one person says I was yelled at occasionally (not constantly as my flashbacks tell me), that's 1 person in 5 that recall even the most basic abuse from my flashbacks - yelling....

I am starting to think that its all delusion...all my flashbacks are delusions...but how do you know the difference? If it is all delusions, then there is seriously something wrong with me...right? Some other mental illness...

I keep having new flashbacks lately, of me disassociating during the trauma, dismissing what was going on as crazy thinking. I keep feeling that there was a conspiracy, a cover up, people around me being silenced by the company at the time (5 years ago) - that's pretty far fetched isn't it...thinking about conspiracies is paranoid, delusional, completely nuts...

I think I need a new diagnosis...no evidence of trauma = no PTSD...right?

Appreciate your advice, Love to all xxoo

 

[Debi]

Of course I do not know what actually happened; however, I know that there have been situation where I thought I was being treated a certain way when in reality (painful to come to the reality) I learned that I was in an emotional flashback. This is why I keep myself out of social events.

I hope the best for you. I feel compassion as I know how important it is for YOU to know for yourself.

 

[Bachall]

Ouch. I have been back and forth on this the last few weeks.

I've been hit by acute PTSD symptoms twenty years after I left the situation. I've had a sketchy outline of the events of those years (most of my childhood), but I found as I did things like reconnect on Facebook with childhood friends, that I have very little memory of anything that happened at all of my entire time at home.

I started having total immersion flashbacks of things I completely had no memory of, but I seemed to remember once I'd "experienced" it once or twice. That is, the scene I was thrown back into was very brief, mere microseconds, but it would remind me of an entire sequence of events.

Eerie, crazy stuff.

So crazy it seems too convenient.

Worse, I really can't prove a lot of this. Siblings were too young, my brother who shared the trauma is so messed up I hate to talk to him. I had a bunch of drawings I did at the time that showed all my feelings, a huge stack of stuff I did every day, like a pictorial diary. It's gone now - we put it in a storage unit and I didn't realize it, hubby wasn't paying the fee while he was unemployed. He didn't realize they could cut the lock off and sell all your stuff. My stuff, actually. *Sigh*

Hubby says he believes me. I think the doc believed me before I even thought there was anything in my head besides bipolar disorder. I constantly doubt myself. If you met my mom you'd understand. I look and act crazy, live a crazy life. My mom is totally normal to all appearances. We interact normally unless you were very sharp.

I really understand where you are.