Mine used to be so intense that I had no choice, but to let them take over and run their course. (It was painful to say the least and I shut down from the world and the people I loved.)
However, I would pamper myself during these times. I would let myself feel it, open and close my eyes - as if to wake myself up... I would continue doing whatever I was doing or try to... If I was out somewhere, I would find some place of privacy, like a bathroom stall or my car.
I hate to sound like a "smartphone nut", but there's this app I used called PTSD Coach. It's designed for veterans, but I found it to be very useful even though my trauma isn't combat related. I would use it when I was out in public. You open it up, select how you feel, and then it gives you tools/things to do to calm down. There's guided meditation on there... that's why I suggest the headphones because the app speaks, unless you are somewhere private.
It's by no means a replacement for therapy or anything, but it helps you... at least, it helped me cope when I got overwhelmed outside of my home. Also, once a month it does a questionnaire and keeps track of how high, moderate, or low your symptoms have been via linear graph. I don't take that too seriously though, but it is helpful in a way. Also, if you don't like the tool they give you, you can skip to a different one.
Anyway...
I would also try to focus more on the person that was harming me and feel angry at them. It shifted my emotions over time to a point where if I had intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, that I would end up just thinking about how awful those people were and I realized that I was not to blame. I began to feel less violated and helpless. If it was very intense and I didn't have any control over my mind, I would curl up in bed or on the couch and just hide under a blanket. Most of the time I would cry... a lot. Most of the time I would clutch an object that meant a lot to me, most of the time it was a teddy bear my mother had given me. It feels like it's hugging me. I'm almost 30 and yes, sometimes I use a teddy bear for comfort. I'm not ashamed/embarrassed of it either, because it really did help me. Sometimes I would even sleep with it in case I was having a particularly rough time and was prone to having nightmares.
I would do breathing exercises. All kinds of breathing... I would call my mother or friend to get my mind off of it or to confide in them. If I felt I couldn't confide in them, I would call a "Mobile Mental Health Hotline", which is basically the same idea as a Suicide Hotline. I once called a Suicide Hotline so I could talk to someone instead of harm myself (with no intent of dying). I'm sure there are places to call like that and you can talk to someone and bring you back away from the flashback.
I still did these things after I was prescribed Xanax. I didn't really feel that the Xanax numbed me, but it certainly made me more relaxed and I was able to step outside of my emotions and think more logically about what was going on in my head. Then, I would often think about the events and people involved in my trauma... not to "punish" myself, but to learn. Sometimes learning hurts, but through the pain it opens your eyes very wide. Personally, it was a big part of my healing process... to stop looking at the trauma from an emotional view, but logical instead. I would often meditate as well so that I could gain more control over my own mind. And I would try to desensitize myself to things that would trigger me. Sometimes, when I felt brave, I would meditate on the act itself and I would picture myself saving myself. I would picture my negative emotions forming together and being released somewhere... anywhere... to God, the Sun... wherever... Just as long as they were no longer "in" me.
I also did EMDR with my therapist for a while. That was scary because you are actively choosing to go back there, and you really don't want to... but it does help. You can also do EMDR to yourself if you are not in therapy.
Another method I did was carry a rock with me, which eventually was replaced with a necklace I wore. I wore that necklace all of the time. It was of two stars dangling together and I would often rub them together when I was upset or anxious.
It takes time. Flashbacks may not disappear completely, but they do become less and less intense.
I don't ask "Why?" anymore either. I don't find it to be productive on the path of healing.
The bottom line is:
You need to somehow remain calm or at least stay level headed. That can be done with breathing, anxiety medication, touching something cold or any object really (as long as you aren't harming yourself), even smelling something that makes you feel pleasant or revives a happy memory. Crying helps, closing off from everything for a while helps... but it's easy to get comfortable and stay there... it's tricky to avoid alienation and depression if you allow yourself to do that often. I only cried because it released a lot of pain. I would feel lighter afterward.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with any issue. I hope I helped you. If I didn't, I'm truly sorry I couldn't. Either way, I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you find your way. Don't lose hope.
