singlegateunkept
New Here
Has anyone else ever experienced their sufferer talking about things from their trauma in a flashback or dissociative state they then don't remember? I know I've seen threads and people saying not to poke into memories or anything- and I don't want to do that. But there are memories of violence my sufferer sometimes goes back to and talks through- incidents I feel like I've seen acted out, almost- that she normally has no memory of. She's a child abuse survivor and the memories are of a level of violence and abuse that she always says it's good it didn't get to, that she doesn't actively remember. But she has these moments where she curls in on herself and rocks and whispers things and talks about things- and then, when she comes out and we talk about and she asks what she said, what she did, I don't know what to say.
I feel like I can't poke and tell her she was talking about these more violent things if she's not ready, if these aren't memories she can actively process, but I also don't want to ignore what she said or feel like I'm keeping these things from her. I'm just not sure what to do when this happens.
As an example- her mother was her abuser- and while there was certainly a lot of remembered hard shaking in anger, hard pulling of arms and limbs, shoving, and her being deprived of food and water as punishment for the whims of the day- deprived so badly she was hospitalized many times with severe dehydration that almost killed her- (Her mother of course, on taking her to the hospital, would that point put on the face of a concerned, wonderful mother who just didn't know why her little girl was so sick, and bask in the sympathy of the staff.)- up until the night her mother actively threatened her life- my sufferer has always said it wasn't physically violent- but- last night she was curled in on herself, shaking and whispering that she would be good and quiet, that she would be "good and quiet like you said"- and then started saying no and whimpering and and hiding and then a few minutes later saying it really hurt, the cut on her lip, it just really hurt where the cut was (an area where she does have a scar, I'd never thought about it before, but there is a scar.) that it just hurt, and then covering her face, opening her eyes and looking terrified, covering her mouth, whispering things I couldn't make out- and then sucking in her bottom lip and saying there was no cut, never a cut, and then going back to her mantra of "good and quiet."
This sort of thing has happened multiple times before- she's also talked more directly even about being hit, hard- it has happened often enough that it seems pretty obvious there was a pattern of abuse of that nature as well. But she doesn't remember that, she says there wasn't- and she doesn't remember the episodes once she is back to herself more.
Which leaves me feeling like I'm just sitting on these things, these frightening memories and flashbacks (the mental images I have are also hard to shake.) and I feel like saying anything is pushing too hard, and as I'm not her therapist I'm not qualified to help with those. But it feels wrong to not tell her, to not bring it up. She asks me what she said, and I feel caught- if she was ready she'd remember, right? I can't force memories or poke into that. But again, she asks. She does say these things- and keeping that from her feels wrong.
Has anyone else had this with their sufferer? Or something similar? How have you handled it?
I feel like I can't poke and tell her she was talking about these more violent things if she's not ready, if these aren't memories she can actively process, but I also don't want to ignore what she said or feel like I'm keeping these things from her. I'm just not sure what to do when this happens.
As an example- her mother was her abuser- and while there was certainly a lot of remembered hard shaking in anger, hard pulling of arms and limbs, shoving, and her being deprived of food and water as punishment for the whims of the day- deprived so badly she was hospitalized many times with severe dehydration that almost killed her- (Her mother of course, on taking her to the hospital, would that point put on the face of a concerned, wonderful mother who just didn't know why her little girl was so sick, and bask in the sympathy of the staff.)- up until the night her mother actively threatened her life- my sufferer has always said it wasn't physically violent- but- last night she was curled in on herself, shaking and whispering that she would be good and quiet, that she would be "good and quiet like you said"- and then started saying no and whimpering and and hiding and then a few minutes later saying it really hurt, the cut on her lip, it just really hurt where the cut was (an area where she does have a scar, I'd never thought about it before, but there is a scar.) that it just hurt, and then covering her face, opening her eyes and looking terrified, covering her mouth, whispering things I couldn't make out- and then sucking in her bottom lip and saying there was no cut, never a cut, and then going back to her mantra of "good and quiet."
This sort of thing has happened multiple times before- she's also talked more directly even about being hit, hard- it has happened often enough that it seems pretty obvious there was a pattern of abuse of that nature as well. But she doesn't remember that, she says there wasn't- and she doesn't remember the episodes once she is back to herself more.
Which leaves me feeling like I'm just sitting on these things, these frightening memories and flashbacks (the mental images I have are also hard to shake.) and I feel like saying anything is pushing too hard, and as I'm not her therapist I'm not qualified to help with those. But it feels wrong to not tell her, to not bring it up. She asks me what she said, and I feel caught- if she was ready she'd remember, right? I can't force memories or poke into that. But again, she asks. She does say these things- and keeping that from her feels wrong.
Has anyone else had this with their sufferer? Or something similar? How have you handled it?
