Flattery from t??

[Amigu]

i believe when I was about 9 I was molested by my father... he was a weekend binge drinker to point of rages uncontrollable emotions etc. If he didn't actually molest me there was some inappropriate behavior and then as a teenager something weird happened. I was sitting in the kitchen at a desk, he came home from work walked up to me instead of just saying hi or kissing me on the cheek he kissed me on my mouth... I felt sick and shocked and he said "oh I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention I thought you were mom for a second" I didn't say a word and never told anyone.
Fast forward to today.... at my T appointment sitting there talking near the end he looked at me and said "I like your eyes "....? Am I being over sensitive because of my history or does that seem a little inappropriate?? I felt all of a sudden like I was a kid and felt this weird feeling like I can't say anything and just said "thank you" and left. Thoughts anyone?

 

[Tewip]

Super inappropriate. Find another therapist. Female preferably.

 

[Amigu]

So you would say it's actually super inappropriate? I tend to second guess my perceptions.. I'm really sad and upset because I thought he was genuinely very nice trustworthy T.... today it caught me off guard... near end of session I did notice he was making a lot of eye contact I thought he was assessing my depression level, then he smiled and said "oh I like your eyes by the way " and looked to see my response... it scared me in the sense that i have really felt trust w him and was struggling to think so does this mean I need to stop seeing him because next time he might say or do more? It reminded me of that feeling of I can't trust anyone

 

[Derazi]

Follow your gut.. even if he meant nothing(It seems inappropriate to me) if you are not comfortable, given your history, it would appear that a female therapist would be a better choice. Just my opinion.

 

[Amigu]

It's sad I want to believe there are people I can trust

 

[Uvegi]

There are.... and again... he may be one of them but..... given your history it probably was not a good idea to have a make therapist..but he is human too.

 

[Ifaku]

near end of session I did notice he was making a lot of eye contact I thought he was assessing my depression level, then he smiled and said "oh I like your eyes by the way "

To me, it sounds like a compliment about your improved eye contact. If you are really in doubt, ask him what he meant by it, top of next session.

 

[Jati]

I'm feeling really weird and sad, that feeling that I somehow trust someone and don't realize they're looking at me for another reason..... sad but I am pretty sure the reason he said that and then looked at me to see my reaction was not for a good reason-- I think he's been starting to have thoughts of those type when he sees me, and he threw that out there and then looked at me how I would react, thinking if he could then slowly do something more over time

 

[Eselas]

feeling that I somehow trust someone and don't realize they're looking at me for another reason..

Under the circumstances that's a reasonable issue. The thing is, it's reasonable to be confused about this whether he's being inappropriate or not. I can see where confronting him would be hard, but it might be beneficial.

 

[Mewuheh]

How would that look to confront him? Can you give me an example of what someone might say to their T re this... btw I realized before he even made the comment I was feeling uncomfortable now I realize it was stemming from the feeling that his eye contact I would describe more as "gazing" at me,.. how someone looks at you as your talking kind of in a way like they're not so much looking at you to simply make eye contact but gazing or admiring type of look, if hat makes sense

 

[Leseze]

I don't know. Mine always looks at me. He does that because he is reading me because he has some belief that the body talks to him more than I do. I sincerely doubt he would ever say he likes anything he sees. However when you rephrased the way the t said he liked your eyes it seemed less threatening. The t shouldn't say something to get a rise out of you. You have questions ask this t , what did you mean when you said oh by the way I like your eyes because it triggered all kinds of reactions in me and left me not trusting you or wanting to go elsewhere.

 

[Pile]

I wouldn't necessarily listen to the views that paint all male therapists with the same bad brush!