Following Through

[Starfire]

LOL Yeah, after I wrote that I was like...oh good grief. LOL



I've been trying to think through this, to understand why I can do some things and why not others. With the degrees, I think I saw them as a goal to reach. But not just a goal; something I knew I could do and do well.

I wrote a memoir - finished it - and after my beta readers read it, I realized that I needed to rewrite it with a different focus. And...I haven't looked at it since. Probably 2 years.

Cleaning - it just doesn't matter, is how I feel. It doesn't even meet the qualifications of the journey (which, according to some is supposed to be more important than the end product). Doesn't matter if when I die my place is clean or not. Only time I manage to get anything done is when I think about the people who will have to come and clean my home after I die.

My business - I've been setting it up, have the website complete, but...*shrug*

The book I'm currently working on. Ok, this has been fun to work on, even though I really am not excited (yet) about the topic. I have to plan some short trips for research and I've been doing that (which I love to do) and have started the outline and intro. I worry, though, that the same thing will happen halfway through (I actually started - sort of - working on this a couple of years ago and just didn't get very far).

There are lots more examples. I'm thinking that at least part of the issue is that I have a general feeling that nothing matters. And if nothing matters, then just the things I need for now are worth doing. The academic work for the degrees was something to keep me occupied until I wasn't around anymore.

When finishing my degrees, I had other people there pushing...sometimes gently, sometimes intensely. Had deadlines, of which I was constantly reminded.

Nobody reminds me to clean or finish a project. Sooooooo!