Relationship For A Change I'm Taking Care Of Myself

[kacee129]

Quick history. My highschool boyfriend (we are now 64) and I moved in together last fall. Within a month I discovered he had terrible "breakdowns" where he would rant and rave. I came from a verbally and emotionally relationship so his breakdowns really affected me. After about 6 months he went back to Vegas. (We were living in my home). Needless to say almost immediately he wanted to come back. I kept telling him he had to get treatment for his PTSD. He has been diagnosed with it but never followed through with any treatment. He kept begging and asking what he needed to do and I kept telling him he had to get treatment. But unfortunately he finally broke me down (because I do care about him and kept hoping for the best) and I said he could come back. Well, this time it's been 7 weeks. Nothing has changed. And all I hear is "this is the way I am" "I hate everybody and everything" "I'm tired of everyone controlling me" - you get the picture. So after another breakdown today where I was made out to be the villian he said he wanted to get the ___ out of here. I told him that no one was stopping him and that I thought it would be best.

Then started the "reasons" why he needed time. He is very used to be feeling guilty and backing down. It didn't happen this time. So we didn't get in a screaming match I sent him an email explaining that it wasn't working between us and that he had to make arrangements to leave, the sooner the better.

I'm sticking to my guns this time. I can't live walking on eggshells waiting for the next breakdown. I can't live with all his negativity. I will not take calls or emails from him even if it means changing my numbers and email addresses. I'm sorry he has PTSD but I can't fix it and he doesn't want to do the work to fix it himself.

So if I need a little life line over the next few weeks I know I can depend on you all to be here for me when I feel like I need a little support.

 

[Miasmith]

Ask him to get some help :) If you can see his attempt to help himself then maybe that will ease your stress

 

[kacee129]

I have asked him to get help. He doesn't seem to want it. He actually HAD an appt set up at the VA a few weeks ago. We had an argument and he cancelled the appt. Almost like spiting me. All he says is he knows he won't follow through. And he says this is the way he is and that he should live in a room all by himself. There is so much more. And to tell the truth I think I've been using the PTSD to make excuses for unacceptable behavior.

 

[kacee129]

Here I sit feeling guilty. WHY? Because he basically a good person. Except for the fact that he doesn't want to get help. He dangles getting help in front of me which I now realize is a way to control me.

When we argue he always says he just wants to get the F___ out of here. Complains about every person, place, and thing. Won't have anything to do with my friends. Not that he doesn't tell me to go and have a good time. But I want a partner!

He only gets 800 a month social security. So he makes and sells costumes to make extra money. Except that always causes stress! Which leads to his breakdowns. Which make me so uncomfortable. I gave him a place to do his costumes....wasn't enough room! He bought a mannequin which sat in my family room...then he wanted to buy 10 more! When I said I was not going to have 11 mannequins in my family room he went off that I was controlling him!

He normally sold on ebay but they have a lot of fees. So he send emails to all the past customers that if they bought direct they could save money. Then he suddenly realized that even billing through paypal he would have fees from them. So he said he would take checks. Since he doesn't have a bank account here I asked where he was going to "cash" those checks because I did not want to use my bank account. I did not want to get hit with NSF fees if the checks bounced. And then again he said I was controlling him. And again he said he wanted to get the F___ out of here. So I told him I thought that would be best! And I really do. Its just so hard.

I had such high hopes for us. When we reconnected (he was my high school boyfriend and then VietNam got in the way).. but when we reconnected it was so wonderful. But he failed to tell me about the PTSD and I was too stupid to even know what it was. I'm so sorry for rambling. I just need someone to talk to. Thanks all.

 

[Miasmith]

My friend told me something that her bipolar mother told her. Don't be confused by people with mental sickness, the still have a conscience and they still no right from wrong. You may have been making excuses up for him, that's probably why your thinking it.

Maybe move in with a family member for a while so he can see how serious you are about the change and how it is effecting you. Maybe start making your life a little bit more about you. If that is the problem because it takes two to people to cause a problem in this situation and you don't wont to be an enabler.

I think you have showmen your great character and genuine intentions just by doing what you have already done.