For All Those Members Wanting / Trying To Maintain Relationships With Toxic Family Members

[Nicolette]

As I have just opened get well cards, looked at all the photos of flowers I received over the past weeks, received an anniversary card from a friend and read all the emails from concerned clients and friends I have come to terms with three things:

• I know I will leave this world having made a difference
• I have many people in my life who either love, like or care for me (and some do all of those combined)
• I don't need a biological family to have support and I am not alone without parents and siblings

 

[Srain]

This is exactly what I needed to read!

peace,
Rain

 

[intothelight]

Yes, our family of choice is many times more of our "true family"; rather than one of birth.

May the support and love of those around you give you strength and peace as you heal.

Deb

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

This is something that I often think about...the day when I may actually get things together and work up the courage to leave the situation. I think once I left it would be it...cut all ties. But then some days I think that maybe I do need them...no idea why but is it wrong to have a family and not want them? Then where would that leave me....alone in the world with no one....not really sure what to think really or which way to go. Some days I do and then other days I feel lost.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My T always said biological I didn't have any luck. But that should not stop me making my own family I feel. :) I cut off the toxic members of my 'family' like dead branches on a rose bush,...now my own rose bush seems to be happily taking off! :)

What a beautiful world around you, when you have a healthy outlook around you! And people who really care around you.

Wishing you peace

 

[a3a2]

I wish I were strong enough to cut the ties. My parents are in their 80s, but pretty healthy. Manipulative. Yet I believe they do it out of fear and because of their own untreated mental illness. I continue to sacrifice my own well being so as to save them from pain. I wish I could mentally detatch. Then I could still meet their needs without allowing their $*@# to eat me alive. Thank God I live several states away.

 

[Froggie]

I think once I left it would be it...cut all ties. But then some days I think that maybe I do need them...no idea why but is it wrong to have a family and not want them? Then where would that leave me....alone in the world with no one....

Hi ((((Aussie Sis)))), found this article which might give you some insight to what you are experiencing : [DLMURL]http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2008/04/25/parent-alienation-and-stockholm/[/DLMURL]

 

[Froggie]

I started cutting certain family and friends in the mid 90s. I find Ayesha so well said :

now my own rose bush seems to be happily taking off!

At first, I felt like I was doing some wrong and my religious upbringing was bugging me about my "unpardonnable actions". Then I realized, hey, I have to respect myself and if the only way these people realize that they are toxic, well it was also my responsability to put an end to these energy sucking relationships if all the other strategies didn't work. Well yes, even serial killers are born in families, but does that mean their families have to assume them ??? Yes if they were the cause of them becoming serial killers, no, if they were in their natural behavior.

Hope this makes sense. This thread made me think of my youngest sister. As far as I'm concerned, she is a very manipulative and narcissisic person who will use violence to have what she wants. Oh yes, she has a slight problem with alcohol and drugs just to spice up her behavior. She doesn't want to do something for herself, she does it sporadically when the Court tells her to. So nothing serious from her side.

Hmmm, that did me some good.

 

[ItsAllGood]

The family stuff is hard. Good on you for acting on your truth! You go girl!

I had a massive fight with my family two weeks ago. They got angry cause I turned up to a family dinner with puffy eyes (ironically not from a ptsd moment but from watching a sad movie). They went straight into silent treatment and wouldn't make eye contact with me all night (my T says they're emotion phobic). Eventually I snapped and asked them what their problem was and things escalated 5 too 100 in 4 seconds. The were yelling at me and I just sat there convulsing and trying to speak. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. They havent contacted me for two weeks till last night but I havent replied. I dont want to talk to my Mum. The hardest thing is how educated my family are, cold and intellectual. So If I don't respond they act like Im being immature, emotional and selfish. The worst one is where they say, 'we can see how sick you are and we feel you need more medication'. Like they know anything about mental health.

Thank god for my beautiful best friend and my wider friendship group. They remind me what normal is which hurts but keeps me tethered to the universe.

 

[anthony]

Unfortunately we don't get to choose family... everything outside off, we have a choice within. This is the point we own our decisions for who we look upto, towards for advice, knowledge, experience, caring and concern.

 

[jo may]

I am a very lucky lady as I have a great relationship with my biological family, the only problem I have is my Dad is pure Cornish and talks in grunts and unknown words always ended with maid which makes me smile.:laugh:

My Mum is a very chatty person and she talks to me a lot but she is also very bossy and opionated, which isn't always a good thing.When she goes on one of her rants I've heard maybe 3-4 times already I tend to turn into my Dad.:)

I am also close to both my Sister and my Brother, and I love my Niece's and Nephew's.

My own family as in Husband and children are a blessing and I know I am loved, I just wish I wasn't as ill as I am.

I also have a lot of friends that I class as my family and I love them to bits:tup:

 

[Srain]

Eventually I snapped and asked them what their problem was and things escalated 5 too 100 in 4 seconds. The were yelling at me and I just sat there convulsing and trying to speak. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. They havent contacted me for two weeks till last night but I havent replied. I dont want to talk to my Mum. The hardest thing is how educated my family are, cold and intellectual. So If I don't respond they act like Im being immature, emotional and

This kind of "silent treatment" then "group attack" is my upbringing! I still get it, I got it on my birthday, only disguised as "we love you so much -(pls snap out of it and take care of mom she's old) That was the hidden message and I won't do what they want like move out, leave the state, get a job doing this, don't call, marry this guy, don't marry, live here don't live! I mean really!?! Except they don't want me on meds or around anyone else.

Anthony is right, we have the right and really obligation to ourselves to keep this poison out. I would LOVE nothing more than for my mother to really mean she loves me and will be here for me but she can't and won't, ever. My brothers want to NEVER talk about the past, well, then I have nothing to say to them because that's the only way I know them and otherwise they are strangers and I have nothing in common with them. Done. It hurts, it's sad, it's true.

We are way more interesting the way we are, no? We can just be ourselves and not wait for the screaming and attacks when we are with people who accept us, no? I think yes. I choose yes.