For Anyone Retired or No Longer Working

[TruthSeeker]

For 30 years, I worked as a teacher and near the end my life crumbled and I retired. Before I had a schedule revolving around work to tell me where and when to be. Now I can do anything and finding a structure among anything has been challenging.

Because- there are sooo many needs. This part wants to read, another music, a big part could sit all day and do art, another photography, travel, cook and not clean up, while the mundane things like laundry, bills, cleaning,organizing, all go to pot.

Here I had all there other goals for an in home business and my plan got derailed. What I wanted to do with my time and im ending up doing are two different things. Stress is sooo much better now that I’m not teaching and now not working I’m making headway in Therapy. Lists sometimes work and other times not but still think balance/times is an issue and even w a calendar- time is a huge issue. I’m taking care of no one else- this is a first in my life. Anyone else retired or stop formal working and have so many options- so many parts pullingbto get needs met different ways it was hard to satisfy the masses? It feels like I’ve been let out of prison, into a world with new technology and lots of new fun looking stuff ( art, Clay, food, computers, Bluetooth, SOoo much more! , and all I want to do is party and play! Like a kid in a candy store with all different flavors-not knowing what to pick- what tastes good or awful or how much to safely eat.

 

[ladee]

I have been retired for a few years now. And playing and having nor RULES was so freeing. Like you, I would rather be doing anything, absolutely anything, but housework.

So, from a lack of discipline, I am now in trouble with management for having a messy house. (they do inspections here). I thought I was too old to 'be in trouble', but apparently not.

And I feel like a teenager being MADE to do my chores. So I will waste time being rebellious then get on with it and do what needs to be done.. I have come to resent 'adulting'.

 

[TruthSeeker]

@ladee That’s exactly the way I’m feeling! Free- no rules! Nobody to criticize me- nor tell me when to go to bed. Children within have mutinied and bad timing-it is tax- time, weeding time, grass cutting time, spring cleaning and laundry- stacks of laundry to do. These things need doing. Got just a couple weeks to figure out taxes! The house was let go, yep- I’m not feeling really adultlike at all. I said to my T last week- I’m free! And laughed insanely- she did, too. It is a really different feeling w/o anyone else living w me or anyone else to care for. Responsibility- means pay your bills so you have water, heat, electricity, propane( for the grill, and insurances.Thank God for Autopay! Amazon boxed are like Christmas Presents to me. Wow- so silly! Retirement- a new stage of childhood- one we paid many years of hard work to attain!

 

[ladee]

One of my favorite things to do, is sleep when I want to. No schedule, no stress about being somewhere on time, ohhh the list goes on. My dining table is NOT used for eating. It is my 'art studio' with many projects scattered about. But it's MY organized clutter!!

I love being retired. Just not having to answer to anyone is so liberating. Hope you enjoy your time and not let people convince you that staying in sweatpants and not wearing a bra is wrong!!! :playful: :singing:

 

[TruthSeeker]

One of my favorite things to do, is sleep when I want to. No schedule, no stress about being somewhere on time, ohhh the list goes on. My dining table is NOT used for eating. It is my 'art studio' with many projects scattered about. But it's MY organized clutter!!

I love being retired. Just not having to answer to anyone is so liberating. Hope you enjoy your time and not let people convince you that staying in sweatpants and not wearing a bra is wrong!!! :playful::singing:

Been meaning to buy sweatpants- but already there with the freedom above! No bra here either. I really hate the constraints! I had a spare bedroom and that is now computer, art and music room- with one table to drawing/painting. Another photography. Taking paper mache classes and pottery birds-tons of fun! Sooo many fun choices! Not enough time to play! Would like to find a large drawing table at Habitat for Humanity Restore- find good stuff cheap. Thanks for responding!

 

[ladee]

It's so great to know we are not alone in the 'fun stuff' What a twist eh! I am an artist/crafter also and will get back to the fun stuff when this crazy time has passed.

Enjoy your freedom. And take naps!!

 

[TruthSeeker]

Naps- yeah- that sounds inviting! Good to know I have company here!

 

[TruthSeeker]

It's so great to know we are not alone in the 'fun stuff' What a twist eh! I am an artist/crafter also and will get back to the fun stuff when this crazy time has passed.

Enjoy your freedom. And take naps!!

Michaels is like a candy store to me. All those really cool art supplies! A little elf must come out and charge my stuff! I feel detached sometimes when I’m there- almost like watching someone else pick brushes, markers, pastels and put them in the basket-check out when I’m really spicy. Then the big moment comes- paying the charge card bill- makes me really grounded in reality- real fast! Then I’m good card paid off. Whoa-and I hear the lure on a bad day- “ lets go to Michaels”......and off I go!

 

[ladee]

I know @Wilbur!! Have accumulated a lot of STUFF. It's fun to be looking for something for a project and come across things I forgot I had

Then my brain goes wonky because I have so many new ideas. But it's great distraction from PTSD brain. :wacky:

 

[The Albatross]

I'm not working now that I've got mom in our home (since mid February). At times it is mind numbingly boring and I am WAY underchallenged. At other times I am really coming to terms with the amount of chronic pain I've been dealing with due to physical ailments (7) and I'm trying to affirm in small ways nurturing things both for her & myself and find low cost and doable activities because of the major reduction in our income.

I'm generally doing well at accepting the necessity of the situation which is good... though not stellar for mood management - quiet alone time is hard to come by. I am retrieving quiet, peaceful pursuits my grandmother used to do and we are incorporating some of those... like having a snack or lunch on the patio with a special treat, or both of us with books reading in tandem and pausing to take in the garden or activity at the bird feeder... sometimes reading aloud to each other things we like or words she just can't cognitively grasp anymore.

Though not resentful, I've been pondering how limiting in reality this part of my life is really going to be and trying to be calmly accepting about it if not at peace.

I do though miss various work related/customer related interactions quite a lot and up to this point have countered this with by phone peers and probably being on this forum way too much out of need for something more personally meaningful for myself. Still looking for new opportunities in the area, but just about every time I ready to volunteer or attend something mom's condition (health or dental) comes to the fore. It is what it is, and isn't personal. I'm just trying to focus, like I said on being calm and allowing that this time too can be a personal growth environment for me in ways that will be helpful if I scan for them and retrieve memories of how others navigated this time.

Mister's calm acceptance of mom's presence is nice, but his caveman "sole provider" attitude can be irksome at times and never one to passively accept... it causes some friction at times (let's just say). Not sure what to do about that at this point but if I keep looking something may reveal itself so that I will retain the equal footing in the household I had to press for so hard as I was recovering and rejoining employment. (sigh) If anybody has any experience with an altered spousal dynamic and how to resolve it for mutual benefit and the peace of the household lemme know.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm not working now that I've got mom in our home (since mid February). At times it is mind numbingly boring and I am WAY underchallenged. At other times I am really coming to terms with the amount of chronic pain I've been dealing with due to physical ailments (7) and I'm trying to affirm in small ways nurturing things both for her & myself and find low cost and doable activities because of the major reduction in our income.

I'm generally doing well at accepting the necessity of the situation which is good... though not stellar for mood management - quiet alone time is hard to come by. I am retrieving quiet, peaceful pursuits my grandmother used to do and we are incorporating some of those... like having a snack or lunch on the patio with a special treat, or both of us with books reading in tandem and pausing to take in the garden or activity at the bird feeder... sometimes reading aloud to each other things we like or words she just can't cognitively grasp anymore.

Though not resentful, I've been pondering how limiting in reality this part of my life is really going to be and trying to be calmly accepting about it if not at piece.

I do though miss various work related/customer related interactions quite a lot and up to this point have countered this with by phone peers and probably being on this forum way too much out of need for something more personally meaningful for myself. Still looking for new opportunities in the area, but just about every time I ready to volunteer or attend something mom's condition (health or dental) comes to the fore. It is what it is, and isn't personal. I'm just trying to focus, like I said on being calm and allowing that this time too can be a personal growth environment for me in ways that will be helpful if I scan for them and retrieve memories of how others navigated this time.

The many things to do w an elder from a car:
I would take my father out for a ride on the Parkway. It was a beautiful ride, distressing, and good for both of us. I’d pull over and take photos. We both liked wildlife. We’d go looking for wildlife for me to shoot (w a camera). Farms were a great place- as he was raised on a farm and like to look at crops, the animals, and compare to yesteryear. I’d also take bread and drive to a park where the ducks were-we both tossed the old bread to the ducks. We’d drive to the beech and check out the river, watch the sail boats, and I took him out in the car when I had short errands to do. I got to know the first names of people at the bank, pharmacy, and introduced my father- then there would be real people we’d car visit.

Games: I thought about what he did before growing old. We used to play poker- so I had a couple friends over once a month and we all learned to play Texas Hold’em and had pot luck- a real positive time to look forward to interacting with others..
I also learned cribbage- got a big cribbage board when his fine motor went. Card games were good for positive interaction.
Uno is an easy game.

Outside: I’d make a meal on the patio-we’d watch the sun go down and look at birds, squirrels, etc.

Helping me: Safe jobs- sorting activities like coins, art supplies, batteries, screws vs nails, to help me organize. My mother in law- would help w snapping beans, mixing a batter, and making a salad. Made her feel needed- less of a burden.

Coloring activities, an IPAD, music, and generational TV shows livened things up.

Things to look forward to and knowing the time: structure was important so a clock and BIG calendar with special days written on it ( poker & potluck-3:00pm, Ride Parkway-2:00, Ducks & park-1:00, church-10:00, etc can help them be mentally prepared for the week. I also put emergency numbers and frequently called numbers in the phone and a list in the space where he spent the most time.

Skyping/computer-another way to interact w family who can’t be there-and photos were always a source of conversation.

Food: interacting w favorite foods-a big one. I made and froze favorite meals in crockpot, then for dinner, to mix it up, like at a restaurant, would give a choice.
It takes thought, creativity, and a focus on making old age not so isolated- similar to that of how we take care of us and PTSD.

 

[The Albatross]

Yup I just didn't expect to be out of the workforce at 59. Trying to work in the "mindfulness stuff" in mundane tasks. Mom was my secondary abuser and also main one in neglect so allowing myself to do these little things is kind of a big deal. Sort of like the "ya have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet" sort of thing. I'm doing well at not larding up the present with the past... but reluctant to allow myself to think/believe/feel that things here are gonna be hearts & flowers, pastoral and serene. We still have our independent mental health issues and that is a delicate balance for both of us (as long as she can do so... then it will be solely consigned for me). Not looking forwards to that aspect at all unless I am better supported by spouse or with some sort of community commitment that I can sustain myself with mental/emotionally if not financially.

Thanks, keep it coming Wilbur!