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grief

Sponsor
The average amount of time the typical man takes between being abused and opening up about his abuse is 20 to 25 years.
i have been following a little bit of your journey which i hope does not come across stalkery but your compassion for men who have been abused is very evident and i believe that you will go very far as i can hear the love that you have for this type of project and the kind of outreach that you are interested to do, and having been a survivor in that same scenario yourself i believe that will only strengthen your ability to uplift others in the same struggle. i know your words have meant a lot to me.

And to be clear I didn't start getting help for sexual child abuse until I was in my late 30's
it really does make a difference being able to hear from other men who have had similar circumstances as well, it is my hope that the more it becomes more socially acceptable if ever for us to disclose such events the more our society can heal and the better off we will collectively become. i am truly sorry for how long it had taken you to become open with that part of yourself but i am grateful you are able to share, at least from one anonymous person on the internet to another, it has been a truly meaningful event to me at least to hear of others who have had success along their healing path.

like both you and @Survivor3 my father was essentially a psychopath although that term is not diagnostic, it is descriptive. he was sadistic and frequently drank. raged. i believe he was severely mentally compromised in some way as he would get ideas in his head of how to "fix" me.

funny enough that my life appears to be dominated by men but yet the idea of participating in entirely a men's group does not feel safe to me. a dichotomous existence i lead that i manage to be very much gay, which is part of my identity that i am not ashamed of any longer, but yet ultimately other men intimidate me. my husband has his friend group and i duck out into the office when they come over.

even on this thread reaching out initially and now to type all of this (which i have been typing non-stop today it appears) and now to press send. very nerve-wracking. groups of men really do scare me even in public. it feels predatory and dangerous. but yet i have no relation to women at all. i believe i still hold the fear of animosity from other men toward me as i am not an alpha male, i am not straight, i am a scientific mind, i am not physically imposing in any way. it is difficult sometimes to feel so distinct.

i wonder if any others feel the same way.
 
One great thing about this place, @grief, is that we can work out these kinds of issues across the divide of the internet. You mention that being in a group of men on a message board such as this still makes you uneasy. I hope it's ok to say that I think that sounds perfectly natural considering your life circumstances.

While you are certainly unique in your individuality as we all are, I believe men who have been through trauma will always find more in common than not.

You're always welcome on this thread. Always, always. And we encourage you to post as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. But one of the ways this message board helped me was as constant, low-level exposure therapy. Talking does help, even across the internet.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
funny enough that my life appears to be dominated by men but yet the idea of participating in entirely a men's group does not feel safe to me. a dichotomous existence i lead that i manage to be very much gay, which is part of my identity that i am not ashamed of any longer, but yet ultimately other men intimidate me. my husband has his friend group and i duck out into the office when they come over.

even on this thread reaching out initially and now to type all of this (which i have been typing non-stop today it appears) and now to press send. very nerve-wracking. groups of men really do scare me even in public. it feels predatory and dangerous.

i wonder if any others feel the same way.
@grief, I felt very much the same way you describe feeling! I would cross the street to avoid walking past a man and men in groups made me feel outnumbered and triggered me. It took me most of my life to realize that I am bisexual. I suffered from internalized homophobia for a while and a process addiction known as repetition compulsion. I managed to heal from the addiction to high-risk behaviors and an addiction to alcohol.

When I first came here something like 12 years ago, I was "scared to death" every time I posted anything, I would have to log out and come back later because I was so afraid I would be ridiculed, verbally abused, etc. It took some time to get over that fear, even when I knew I was safe, I still had the same reaction for a while. But eventually, it got better. It didn't happen quickly and it was hard work but I have healed that part of myself with help from my support team (Doctors, therapists, family, and friends). I bet if you continue on the path you are on you will heal too and your belief in yourself will grow...this is my hope for you.

I think you are stronger than you realize as I am impressed with your ability to post openly. Good for you for participating on the forum even when it feels scary. I hope you will continue to reach out.

Lionheart
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
I am good thank you for asking. I have been learning about spirit animals, totem animals, and power animals today and have found it enjoyable. :) How are you today? For instance,
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I am good thank you for asking. I have been learning about spirit animals, totem animals, and power animals today and have found it enjoyable. :) How are you today?
Ah, that sounds interesting. I'm glad. Today I've been on my own all day! A bit shitty! Also I had a panic attack earlier which wasn't very nice. I've been listening to music on the radio most of the day.
 
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