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For men only

Thread starter #37
Thank you @Lionheart777 - I totally agree it's worth getting help.
I thought my whole self worth was based on my ability to "give" sex to others
I'm currently struggling with something like this. Most days I don't feel very manly - the opposite, in fact. The exception is when I have sex with my wife, I feel like I'm "supposed" to feel, if that makes any sense. Due to our circumstances she's not open to, you know, constant sex. I know my feelings of worth have to come from within, but it's not happening yet.
I also suffer(ed) E.D. (thank goodness for Viagra) :giggle::notworthy::confused:
Yeah, this is me right now. Without the pill, nothing happens and I feel worse.
 
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#38
I guess with advancing age, years of experience, and lots of therapy, I have come to where I just don't care about sex and measuring up to some preconceived notion of masculinity anymore. I am the best me that I can be and if that is not enough for someone else then, "Oh well"!!! I am ok, no matter what, I don't need to prove that I am a man to anyone.

But that is me now and not how I used to be. It is draining, all the energy that I used to put into trying to make up for some unidentified, imagined, lack of masculinity. Simply exhausting!!! I hope you will continue on and get the assistance you need to work thru whatever issues you are having...you shouldn't have to suffer simply for being a male, human being.
 
#41
I have come to where I just don't care about sex and measuring up to some preconceived notion of masculinity anymore. I am the best me that I can be and if that is not enough for someone else then, "Oh well"!!! I am ok, no matter what, I don't need to prove that I am a man to anyone.
Exactly. I'm too long in the tooth for caring. I am who I am, shaped by my up bringing, my beliefs, culture and life experiences.
 
#42
I am a 43 year old male survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I struggle with trust in women, since my abuser was female. It's very easy for me to regard all females as threatening to me. I have had a male therapist, but he recently quit his job, so I'm getting a new one -- this one is female, and it worries me and scares me. I haven't had a session at her yet, but I'll try it and see how it goes :-)

Thank for you for creating this thread, I do think we men need each other sometimes. Certain things are best understood by other men :-)
 
Thread starter #43
@ziter - thank you so much for posting.
so I'm getting a new one -- this one is female, and it worries me and scares me.
I think this is a totally normal feeling to have, without a doubt. I was sexually abused (as an adult) by a woman, and I've had both male and female therapists, but my first real trauma therapist was a man, for which I was grateful. My current therapist, who is simply the best therapist I've ever had, is a woman - and I'm grateful for this, too, because I think talking about my issues with a woman has really helped me get over some of my fears of women.
 
#44
I would like to think so too, that having a female T will help me get over my fear of women. I just pray that I don't go psychotic, that is my biggest fear. I suffer from dissociate anxiety, and when it hits me, I'm usually unsure if I'm about to lose my mind, cuz of vivid images in my head.

*dissociative anxiety
 
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Thread starter #46
I've noticed we have a couple new guys on the forums so I thought I would bump this if anyone felt like talking.

I've been thinking pretty hard about what being a man means to me lately, both inside and outside of whatever gender roles we've been taught.

I think there are some really good things that I learned about what "being a man" is: namely strength and protectiveness. I think we need to redefine these things to bring them up to date with the 21st century, though. "Strength" doesn't have to mean physical strength (although that is something I personally value), I think of it more as the strength to be emotionally resilient. I also think it's time we separate strength and silence. The time is long past for men to be silent. "Protectiveness" as I see it is the protection not just of one's family - although to me that is still paramount - but everyone who is vulnerable or needs help in some way. Failing to act in the face of need is very unmanly to me.

Outside of the stereotypes we all learned, what I think I most highly value in my own personal version of manhood is integrity and compassion.

Thoughts?
 
#47
Thank you for this post! I had a troubling experience ongoing in my Emerge unit for a period several months. I’ve never truly felt safe to discuss one issue.

I had 16 year old girl absolutely damaged by Meth addiction, from previous experiences, I know what hardbound drug abusers are willing to do to win and get away.

One night this girl arrived again, probably her 8th or 12th I had lost count at this point. She was in full rage, heightened drug affliction, my partner and I are both fairly substantial well built males ages 40 and above. Called to unit to apply compliance. Well, both mother and father were present, I told them before I went into the lock up, that it would be best for them to go get a coffee or something while we handled this. Not because I was afraid we would do anything wrong, I just knew that she was gonna pull whatever she could to get that next score. Parents didn’t comply with request.

By this point 16 year old patient had completely disrobed of clothes, she had the ants marching all over her, at the same she sought opportunity to try male desire, opening her legs, telling us what we could do to her if we let her go, all the while her parents are hearing this.

16 year old girl, maybe 80-90lbs if that. She had done gymnastics for most of her life. I’m sorry but all the training in the world does not prespare you for a naked young girl who can perform drug induced acrobatics like nothing you’ve ever seen, lead to a difficult incident that was quickly going out of control. Because we don’t use force to subdue patients.

Eventually, she made her way out of the room, and someone had the absolute insentivity to video record this situation with their phone. Two things: First - I was concerned for her indentity, secondly, I was concerned that two obviously aged men were wrestling an underaged naked patient. Both of which made me sick to my stomach.

After we finally gained control of her, I had to go to the person who was recording the video. I had to be that asshole that requested the phone. Two reasons: Patient Confidentiality and this person was now in possession of child pornography.

In the height of law enforcement brutality and #metoo moment. I was terrified. Absolutely none of that was enjoyable for me. It was heartbreaking and distressing to be an overpowering male, let alone subjected to the behaviours of a drug induced minor.

Had that video made the light of day without context and I was tried and convicted by social media...... I probably wouldn’t be here to tell that story.
 
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