For men only

[SunDog]

Haha, feeling worse again but that's neither here nor there. Oh well.

You connect with whoever's...

Definitely something that helplines need to work on. I guess someone could always bring it up with a particular helpline through email etc. and they would hopefully take it into account. Afterall, it might be something they haven't thought of.
There's a helpline in the UK called Breathing Space now that's pretty good. I've called them on a number of occassions when I'm freaking out and there's nobody else I can talk to. Figured I'd just mention that for other guys in the UK reading this. Hope that's okay.

Sorry, didn't mean to quote you on the last comment. I figure that book triggered you pretty bad last night @somerandomguy. I'm sorry it got to you so bad...

 

[somerandomguy]

Excellent point @SunDog. I will be emailing 1in6 later to bring up this topic. They may not be able to do much about it if they contract with RAINN, but awareness is important.

 

[somerandomguy]

So three cheers to 1in6, who responded promptly to our suggestion and said that they will be adding a note to the helpline page to indicate that the person you connect with may be male or female.

Great work guys - we successfully advocated for ourselves!

 

[Deleted member 487]

According to RAINN men don't get raped. BTDT.

SRG invited me here. I have been molested as a kid, by family; lost my virginity to a school teacher when I was in 4th grade (9 maybe 10 years old), and somehow I may not appreciate what she did somehow I don't regret it either; raped when I was 17; sexually assaulted so many times that I can tell you when the last couple were and that's about it.

But in all of this, I still have flashbacks. Now, where I live, I find it much easier to deal with. When I wake up screaming, no one hears it. When I am yelling at the perps, no one hears it. When I throw things across the trailer because of flashbacks, no one sees it or hears it. After all, my closest neighbor is 2-1/2 miles away. The county road that runs about 35-40' from my trailer, might have 2-3 cars a day on it, on average. I have watched closely and seen it get down to 2-3 cars a week. Which is nice. Longest stretch was 2 trucks in 1-1/2 week and mine was one of them.

Because of that, I can be very liberal in dealing with my PTSD. A few nights ago I went on a hike. 1-1/4 miles. Which for me is a ways considering my legs are healing from serious injuries this last spring. But I did the hike naked. Yesterday, I drove to the west part of the ranch, naked. It's not perverted, it's relaxing. Because not only do I know that I am safe, I feel safe. And, quite frankly, if any of those perps came on the ranch, as my boss said "You have 2,700 acres and a backhoe. Use them judiciously!"

So I hike up here naked. It sounds weird, but when you have been through hell like I have (and you guys have as well), being able to do this and still feel safe...the world just looks, it feels, so much better. Yeah I still have a lot that I have to deal with. But at least I am here by myself enjoying living here, even though it's my own little hell on Earth. Of course no matter where I go I will still have hell to deal with. Be it here or if I had a condo in downtown NYC, I still have my own little hell to live in.

Now in a few minutes I'm going for another hiked. Again, naked. Oh yes, gentlemen, it really does feel so good.

 

[somerandomguy]

Hey @cactus_jack, glad you found your way here. It sounds like you've been through hell.

I can relate to being in nature in the buff. In my 20s, I spent a few days at a nudist colony in the woods. This was pre-trauma, so I had different reactions to things then. I adapted pretty quickly and found out that while nature is relaxing, nature while nude is even more relaxing. It's definitely not sexual. I can't really explain it.

I'm glad you found something that helps you!

 

[Deleted member 487]

You know what is kinda weird but kinda "ok"? We have mountain lions up here. If I am dressed and hiking, I have to carry a weapon because they see me (apparently) as an oversized ravioli wearing blue jeans. Mmmmm! Food! Yum! Scary. Yet I have encountered mountain lions at least twice while naked, and it's weird. One decided to sit and watched me for a few minutes, acting relaxed, then she got up and walked off. The other night I was followed for half of my hike by her mommy lion. She got within 30' and just walked away. If I was dressed I would have had a fight on my hands both times.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I went up to where their dens are and hiked around naked. I saw tracks, but no cats. I "left my card" letting them know I was there. Take a whiz, walk barefoot where they've done some dirt scratching, and even wipe sweat on some twigs and leave them on their trail.

It's really not a game, but a respect issue. I've been living in this are for several years now, and this year the are venturing down into camp. I know where their dens are, and I respect them but staying out. I did this last year when they started coming near camp. Go up there and leaving "my card". They smell it and see that I've been there. Now they feel threatened.

Mountain lions are an animal, a predator. But they are also very very smart. I'll walk barefoot where they scratch the dirt. They smell it. I'll take twigs and rub my armpits with them and throw them on the trails. I find where they ate a recent kill and I'll pee on it. This is the same thing as the Bloods going into Crips territory and leaving grafitti. Essentially calling them out. They don't want a fight so they'll show me enough respect to leave me alone. It's a mutual respect thing. Stay away from my camp and I'll leave them alone. In the past they passed through camp and kept going. I have left food out, and the squirrels will go for it. But not the lions.

The bears just leave me alone, period. Foxes generally leave me alone. Coyotes stay away because they can smell the lions, and where you have lions you don't have coyotes.

 

[Neverthesame]

It's interesting what you said about the larger animals leaving you alone because you are leaving messages they understand while in their territories.

Specifically the coyotes. I had a run in with one of those last year.
I was walking to work late at night down a residential road (So I was dressed obviously). I heard a clicking noise on the road behind me, looked back and saw a coyote trotting up about 6' behind me.
I turned and faced it while slowing backing away, puffed myself up big and tall, staring it straight in the eyes.
It dropped it's head a bit, turned and went away. Never saw it again.

I think it only got so close was that it didn't know what I was, mistaking me for something edible. Only when it got a good look at me and saw I wasn't afraid of fighting it, it thought better of trying something.
It wasn't skinny, mangy or rabid looking. It was beautiful actually. I'm very glad I got to see a wild one so close, that's super rare in a city like this.
I'm also glad I knew what to do. Those are a hell of alot bigger than they look from a distance. LOL! German Shepherd size thing creeping up on you, gets the adrenaline flowing just a bit.

After what you wrote above I wonder how it would have gone without all the artificial shit like clothing and deodorant altering my actual scent?

 

[Deleted member 487]

I spoke with a wildlife biologist, and we'll be talking more about this, and he said that mountin lions generally keep to themselves. Unless they're hungry. Gee. That's nice. Here I am, an overized ravioli, just for them. lol!
So far no returns. I usually don't see their tracks, so who knows.
Starting to get cool outside. Winter's going to hit early I think.

 

[Marvel545]

Ok, I find this tough, but I think it's important to talk about this as a man.

I'm 26, from the UK & my trauma is witnessing my Moms death & subsequently witnessing a domestically abusive relationship for the 5 years after.

As a men I felt like I had to be brave & couldn't show my feelings. To do so would have been weak. Even to complain would have been weak. It is part of the culture where I'm from.

I am in back in T now & just really want to move forward with my life.

 

[somerandomguy]

Welcome @Marvel545. Lots of us here struggle with feeling and being seen as weak. I think as a culture we are slowly, slowly, slowly redefining what strength actually is, but we've got such a long way to go.

By sharing your story, you're helping all of us. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 487]

Marvel, if you feel the need to cry, then cry. Weep. Express sorrow. You do what you have to for your betterment. Take care of yourself, above all else. Real mean have feelings to. And so do you.