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For men only

#86
@Lionheart777 - I am so sorry that you have to deal with this injustice on top of your trauma. It's hard to believe even your close friends would treat you that way. No one here who knows you even a little bit would ever think you would ever be capable of doing such a thing.

I think part of the problem for men who are trying to heal is that many of us - and not just victims of CSA - have heard that we're predators by default. Male sexuality is always assumed to be aggressive and predatory, which doesn't necessarily match the way that a lot of us are inclined to be.

Back in college, a gender studies professor told me that all men were rapists or "potential rapists," which broke my brain. I didn't think I was capable of rape. I still don't, but her words and the idea that "real" men were supposed to be aggressive really, truly made me think for decades that I was an actual rapist just because I am a man, and I have never actually raped anyone. I am an extreme case, to be sure, but I have heard of and spoken to other men who have been just as confused as I was.

Can anyone relate?

To say a man is "a potential rapist" criminalizes him, when in reality he hasn't done anything wrong.
That's a terrible and really f*cked up thing to say. She should've been sacked for saying that.
 
#87
So this is really difficult to talk about, and I completely understand if no one wants to discuss this, but I'd like to talk about sexuality and our traumas.

My abuse ruined sex for me for a long time. I'm only just now starting to get my mojo back 15 years later. I know not all of us here have trauma as the result of abuse, but it's my understanding that sexual issues are common to PTSD, no matter how it was acquired.

Trouble is, we learn very early on in life that a man is only as manly as the amount of sex he can have. When I was single and not having sex, I felt very unmanly. And then after I married and I still couldn't have sex ... I felt like a eunuch.

Has anyone else dealt with this?
yeah PTSD affected me sexually. I haven't been in a relationship for 17 years. My sex life has been non-existent.
 
#88
yeah PTSD affected me sexually. I haven't been in a relationship for 17 years. My sex life has been non-existent.
@Survivor3 ...I am a SCA (Sexual Child Abuse) Survivor and I can really relate to this... I have been single for almost 21 years and I am just now trying to have a sex life again. It is difficult to have friends. Especially to get to be friends with men because so many are "old school" and have preconceived notions about child abuse survivors. Also it seems that many women my age are down for a sexual relationship but not an emotional/romantic one. (I am 59).

So anyways SCA does affect ones sexuality. I am bi-sexual but it took me 4 and 1/2 decades to figure that out. I had a process addiction and repeated old abuse behaviors over and over for the longest time trying to have control over the abuse and to understand what was wrong with what had happened. I no longer act out that way but I am not immune to it. I have to make a conscious effort not to repeat old abuse patterns.

But things have gotten much better since I stopped acting out. I am healthier and feel I am ready for a full on relationship.
 
#89
Ok, I find this tough, but I think it's important to talk about this as a man.

I'm 26, from the UK & my trauma is witnessing my Moms death & subsequently witnessing a domestically abusive relationship for the 5 years after.

As a men I felt like I had to be brave & couldn't show my feelings. To do so would have been weak. Even to complain would have been weak. It is part of the culture where I'm from.

I am in back in T now & just really want to move forward with my life.
I can relate to what your saying. Be brave.... Show no feelings. That shit will f*ck you up eventually. Eventually the bottle will explode.
 
#90
Hi everyone,

So I thought I'd introduce myself incase anyone hasn't read my threads.

I'm in my mid forties and suffer from c-PTSD. I have nearly died several times in my life. I nearly died as a child from asthma and chest infections. Constantly in and out of hospital and put into oxygen tents. I used to ly awake at night all night just trying to breathe.
My father was an abusive and violent alcoholic all my life. He ruined our family. My mom suffered a great deal, my brother ended up in hospital and I ended up in prison after trying to commit suicide with a knife.(a fight broke out with my dad so I was arrested).
Whilst doing my degree i was attacked by a group of Asians with metal bars in a racist attack. Again I nearly died. That was a major trauma. I couldn't finish my degree, had terrible dissociation and was abused and humiliated by people at college which just added to my paranoia.I turned into an alcoholic because I couldn't cope. I now haven't drunk for 4 weeks.

I was also attacked in my hometown, completely unprovoked and left unconscious in the middle of the road needing 5 staples in the back of my head.

Needless to say my head is a f*cking mess most of the time.
I've had a terrible time with psychiatrists and don't get any support from the nhs. I ended up having to make formal complaints. After which my gp actually apologised to me for what had happened. I'm actually scared of seeing psychiatrists now.

I have a counsellor but haven't seen him for months due to covid pandemic.
I recently had a major heart attack and the docters said that I was lucky to be alive. The heart attack went on for about 4 hours and they had to put an emergency stent in my heart.
Being on this site has been a lifesaver. Finally finding other people who I can relate to. I'm really glad that @somerandomguy set up this thread because there should be a space designated for men's issues just between men.

I'm just trying to heal as best I can, like everyone else.
 
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#91
@Survivor3, I can relate to your post. My dad was a violent alcoholic. He beat and raped my mom in front of me when I was about 10 years old. When I got older we had fistfights over the way he treated me and my mother.

When I was a young teen, I was attacked and knocked unconscious and left to bleed out. The 3 guys who attacked me nearly popped my eye out of its socket. I was left with a severe concussion and other wounds. I was later threatened with guns, but some friends stepped in a stopped me from getting shot.

At age 13, I was beaten and brutally molested by 5 older males, who body-shamed me and sexually abused me. I too had a difficult time finding professional help from a therapist and psychiatrist.

Last year, or maybe it was earlier this year, I had a cardiac catheterization and had a stent placed in my heart where I had a blocked coronary artery. Fortunately, I did not have a heart attack but I was very lucky.

Anyway, I can see a few similarities in our stories and thot, I would share, so you would know you are not alone here. Also, @somerandomguy is a forum friend of mine and I too appreciate the way he started this thread for men. It is difficult to talk about our wounds but I have found it necessary to my healing and I hope that you too will find a lot of healing and compassion here.

Peace,
Lion
 
Thread starter #95
Ok guys, if any of you are reading this, I have something really tricky to talk about. For those of you who have been or are now sexually active, I wonder if any of you have experienced feeling like sex is just pressure and not fun?

The narrative is of course that men are always ready for sex. But I've never heard an alternative narrative that some men are never ready for sex. Not that we don't want to, but it's too anxiety-provoking to actually go through with.

It can't be just me, can it? And if it isn't just me, why haven't we normalized that shit?
 
#96
Ok guys, if any of you are reading this, I have something really tricky to talk about. For those of you who have been or are now sexually active, I wonder if any of you have experienced feeling like sex is just pressure and not fun?

The narrative is of course that men are always ready for sex. But I've never heard an alternative narrative that some men are never ready for sex. Not that we don't want to, but it's too anxiety-provoking to actually go through with.

It can't be just me, can it? And if it isn't just me, why haven't we normalized that shit?
Sometimes in my life I've not completely enjoyed sex because there's been a pressure to 'perform'. Not to orgasm first and to make sure my partner orgasms.
 
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