Once again I will state that I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, or a therapist or counsellor, but I am a PTSD sufferer. So I will give you my opinion.
I apparently started suffering symptoms of Combat related PTSD in 2002 after I returned from East Timor; however, I was not officially diagnosed until 2007 after my return from Iraq.
My marriage did not survive this, and I was not able to maintain any sort of a relationship until just recently when I met Margaret. There is actually a comment written from my psychiatrist stating I was unable to maintain a meaningful relationship.
What I am trying to get at is this. When a person suffers from PTSD and has an 'episode', 'gets sick', 'the cows are out', or whatever else you want to call it, the don't shut down. What is happening is their head just cannot take any more sensory input. When the cows get loose with me everything pisses me off. I can't handle birds chirping, the squeak of a chair, a ceiling fan, the way people are driving (too fast, too slow, stopping too soon)or even just the way someone is speaking. And because I am miserable I sometimes want to make everyone else's day miserable.
When I was home in the early days, I would continue to yell and say nasty things until everyone was crying. Once my ex-wife said 'Are you happy now, you have everyone buy the youngest (who was 7) crying. I said no, found him and smacked his arse till he did.
For a long time I held this in as shame. I hated myself for it.
Another thing I used to do was just prior to go on military exercises and operations, I used to think that if my wife and children did not like me, they would not miss me when I went away, so I used to start fights and make them upset the week leading up to me going away.
I did a PTSD program here in Australia and have been on my medication for approximately 5 years now, yet I still have tough times when sensory overload takes over. Like now for instance. The cyclone has just been past and there is heaps of stress in the air. Margaret still has no power and won't have for a couple more days. Christian has been off school and won't be going back tomorrow due to no power. So I am over everything.
What I am trying to say to to you partners and girlfriends of guys with PTSD on this site is that we do care. But when we are not with it, it may feel like we don't, and we may say nasty things, but its only because its a defence mechanism. Think about a porcupine, when it feels threatened, it puts its spikes out, a turtle shrinks into its shell.
Then again, to be brutally honest, I went through a period I call my tomcat period. I really did not care for women. They were playthings. I hurt quite a few women during that period and once again its something I am not proud of.
Now however; I have someone I really, really love and care for, yet when the cows are out, I can be selfish and still want to go and hide.
So you girls, please don't push your guys into meeting you, otherwise you might get bitten.
Well, more mindless rambling. Hope it made some sense.
Jimmy
I apparently started suffering symptoms of Combat related PTSD in 2002 after I returned from East Timor; however, I was not officially diagnosed until 2007 after my return from Iraq.
My marriage did not survive this, and I was not able to maintain any sort of a relationship until just recently when I met Margaret. There is actually a comment written from my psychiatrist stating I was unable to maintain a meaningful relationship.
What I am trying to get at is this. When a person suffers from PTSD and has an 'episode', 'gets sick', 'the cows are out', or whatever else you want to call it, the don't shut down. What is happening is their head just cannot take any more sensory input. When the cows get loose with me everything pisses me off. I can't handle birds chirping, the squeak of a chair, a ceiling fan, the way people are driving (too fast, too slow, stopping too soon)or even just the way someone is speaking. And because I am miserable I sometimes want to make everyone else's day miserable.
When I was home in the early days, I would continue to yell and say nasty things until everyone was crying. Once my ex-wife said 'Are you happy now, you have everyone buy the youngest (who was 7) crying. I said no, found him and smacked his arse till he did.
For a long time I held this in as shame. I hated myself for it.
Another thing I used to do was just prior to go on military exercises and operations, I used to think that if my wife and children did not like me, they would not miss me when I went away, so I used to start fights and make them upset the week leading up to me going away.
I did a PTSD program here in Australia and have been on my medication for approximately 5 years now, yet I still have tough times when sensory overload takes over. Like now for instance. The cyclone has just been past and there is heaps of stress in the air. Margaret still has no power and won't have for a couple more days. Christian has been off school and won't be going back tomorrow due to no power. So I am over everything.
What I am trying to say to to you partners and girlfriends of guys with PTSD on this site is that we do care. But when we are not with it, it may feel like we don't, and we may say nasty things, but its only because its a defence mechanism. Think about a porcupine, when it feels threatened, it puts its spikes out, a turtle shrinks into its shell.
Then again, to be brutally honest, I went through a period I call my tomcat period. I really did not care for women. They were playthings. I hurt quite a few women during that period and once again its something I am not proud of.
Now however; I have someone I really, really love and care for, yet when the cows are out, I can be selfish and still want to go and hide.
So you girls, please don't push your guys into meeting you, otherwise you might get bitten.
Well, more mindless rambling. Hope it made some sense.
Jimmy
