For those that read my recent thread on the General PTSD area...
I have to say for one of the few times, I feel proud. True, I messed up boundaries, I messed up on trust but I still beat my stockholm in the head because even though I was terrified I was still WILLING to go against my abuser. To me, that is huge! It means, for me, that he can't control me (not that he could but the thinking was that he did). That...the voice that I hear..the rules that I learned..they CAN be beat. Besides my physical escape, this is probably one of the most significant things to happen in my journey in regards to him. I have a long way to go but I was able to actually see a positive in this, which is so hard.
So I feel proud. Thank you all for giving me a place to share a quiet victory.
I have to say for one of the few times, I feel proud. True, I messed up boundaries, I messed up on trust but I still beat my stockholm in the head because even though I was terrified I was still WILLING to go against my abuser. To me, that is huge! It means, for me, that he can't control me (not that he could but the thinking was that he did). That...the voice that I hear..the rules that I learned..they CAN be beat. Besides my physical escape, this is probably one of the most significant things to happen in my journey in regards to him. I have a long way to go but I was able to actually see a positive in this, which is so hard.
So I feel proud. Thank you all for giving me a place to share a quiet victory.