Fragile

[Sammy]

Feeling very fragile today. I put my husband on an airplane yesterday and am home alone. With him gone, it seems everything has grown into unmanageable. A friend called to see how I was doing. What she really wanted to hear was "I'm fine." But I am not fine. Why can't I just say "I'm fine" and go from there? That is what everyone seems to want anyway. They don't want to hear I woke up in a sweat and my heart racing after having nightmares. They don't want to hear that I do not know how I am going to keep moving forward with divorce. They don't want to hear I am terrified. They don't want to hear that a war rages inside my head. The PTSD side and the "I want peace" side are continually at war. They think I just need to "think happy thoughts and life will be fine." Don't I wish. Like there is a switch I just need to flick and everything will be hunky dory.

Oh well.

I am done putting gone foot in front of the other for tonight. I think I am also done answering my phone. Can't deal with the idiots. :stupid:

Sammy

 

[Jade-]

Sorry you are having a rough time. And I think it's better to be honest about how you're feeling instead of saying you're fine. I just tell everyone I'm fine when they ask, and I wish I had the nerve to be honest.

 

[kers]

It can be hard when we change our patterns with friends and family, like when we stop always saying "I'm fine," and instead tell the truth. It might take them a while to get used to your new honesty. Give your friends a chance; some of them might surprise you with how supportive they can be. Telling the truth about how we feel gives them a chance to step up and help.

I sympathize about being alone and having a hard time. Is there something you can do while your husband is gone that you don't usually get to do, something fun? That might help you cope.