I would just like to know that I had some sort of positive impact on at least one person in this world.. I do not want to save the world.....I am not God and I know I will never be able to sucesssfully save the world....maybe I sound selfish or unmotivvated in saying that but that is how I feel. However, I would like to know that I did do something meaningful for at least one person on this earth aside from myself and without any thought to what I would get in return and without any expectation of repayment. I mean I usually never expect to get repaid if pals borrow money or whatever but I guess what I am talking about is I would like to be an example of self-LESS-ness to someone at least once in life. I would like to have one of those "throw yourself on the grenade to save your buddies" kind of moments where you love so much that you do something like that without even thinking about it. A TRULY SELFLESS ACT. I know those things have to happen spontaneously....you cannot make them happen or engineer their occurrence. However, I hope that I do feel that kind of love care and comapssion for someone at some point in life and I hope that the person I feel it for knows that they can count on that love, care and compassion without any chance of it failing. I would like to be the secure anchor in the storm for someone someday. Right now I am too adrift to be of much good to anyone but I hope that through this healing process I can get back more of that compassionate and loving part of y soul that got lost somewhere over in the sand over the last 3-8 years or so.
And if the person is french then that is fine. Face it people, every nationality has its faults and its perfections. There have been many times that the USA has not been there for more than a few nationalities. Imagine what those folks are probably sayig about us, know what I mean? i don't know.....it has gotten harder since getting into more of this understanding about PTSD and especially about the war in Iraq itself, (and how friggin stupid the whole thing was really that so many people had to go and give up their bodies their minds and even their lives for it)to stay mad at people over taking a stand they feel passionately about. And the French government and people too I suppose felt pretty sttrongly when it came to Iraq. That is their choice and their decision and I just cannot spend any more energy being pissed off at the people I feel did not help us oout at all over there. I just cannot do it anymore. I cannot do it when many of our own leaders made idiotic decisions that has kept us there too long, destroyed our economy, and basically has allowed a few chosen ones to get wealthy off of war profiteering. These contractors who make these obscene amounts of money are getting paid by government contract which means the money they make is Tax payer funded. And they make a shit load more than the average soldier who is over there doing it for less than one percent of what a contractor makes monthly.....hell maybe even less than that.
Anyway, there are alot of things we could be pissed off at when it comes to this war but the France bashing thing, for me personally anyway, well....it has sort of played itself out for me. There are other things, like I described above, that I would like to attempt to devote my energies towards and being pissed a the french is not going to get me any closer to those more positive goals.
Course, i am having a good couple of days.,...who knows I might wake up tomorrow and get cut off in traffic by some "frenchy looking" guy driving a Peugeot or a Citroën and I might start all over again with despising the french.....never know what can happen from day to day.
