So after a disastrous meeting with the school's nurse practitioner (she didn't listen to me, tried to convince me I was bipolar for 3/4 of the appointment and OCD for the rest of it, couldn't prescribe me anxiety meds, refused to prescribe me ADD meds unless I took a $400 test which I obviously don't have the cash for, and answered her phone multiple times in the middle of our meeting. Yeah, not good), I had an appointment with another nurse practitioner today, one that I saw once before and we seemed to click.
He seemed a little off today in terms of his own mood (suddenly bisque and cold even though I was pretty obviously having an anxiety attack in his office) and decided that if my ADD was under control I wouldn't need anxiety meds. He flat out refused to refill my xanax script, gave me a script for the ADD, and compromised with me on the anxiety front -- he gave me one month's script for some med that's basically halfway between klonopin and xanax, but I forget the name of it. 1/2 to 1 pill a day and he's made it clear that this will be the last anxiety medication he will be giving me. I've obviously never tried this med before, either.
The next month is going to be absolutely brutal psychologically. I'm trying to get through a course that shouldn't be rigorous but I'm finding to be particularly so, I'm teaching two college courses with large grading loads, my dad is having fairly serious back surgery, and there's definitely going to be some other anxiety inducing crap going on in my private life.
Now, I'm all for stopping xanax as long as I'm stable enough to do so. I don't particularly like the extremely short half life, for one. But I'm about as far from a drug seeker as you could possibly be -- I made 240 1mg xanax last nearly three years. I just happen to be going through one of the worst situations in my life, so my usage has upped, because, well, I have to function. I have no choice in the matter -- if I don't, no job, no school, and I can't pay my rent.
If he's right and my anxiety lessens because of this ADD medication, great! But he's giving me a stimulant when I'm obviously hyper-anxious and dissociating nearly constantly the last few weeks and is basically saying if the anxiety isn't lessened to the extent that I can handle it in a month, too freaking bad.
So I pick up the scripts tomorrow and I have about eight xanax left, which I'm feeling the unstoppable urge to hoard just in case. If this other anxiety med doesn't work or whatever, I'm completely screwed. The only thing that I can do is wait, though -- I guess there's the possibility of starting risperdal in a month depending on how these meds go, which is supposed to be the next go-to for PTSD meds if zoloft doesn't work (which it didn't). I guess it also has anxiety reducing abilities, so that might be a solution if he'll give it to me after he cuts off this new anxiety script. Still, though. Freaking out. Bah.
Off to bake for my students. Hopefully it won't take the hours I think it will....:/
He seemed a little off today in terms of his own mood (suddenly bisque and cold even though I was pretty obviously having an anxiety attack in his office) and decided that if my ADD was under control I wouldn't need anxiety meds. He flat out refused to refill my xanax script, gave me a script for the ADD, and compromised with me on the anxiety front -- he gave me one month's script for some med that's basically halfway between klonopin and xanax, but I forget the name of it. 1/2 to 1 pill a day and he's made it clear that this will be the last anxiety medication he will be giving me. I've obviously never tried this med before, either.
The next month is going to be absolutely brutal psychologically. I'm trying to get through a course that shouldn't be rigorous but I'm finding to be particularly so, I'm teaching two college courses with large grading loads, my dad is having fairly serious back surgery, and there's definitely going to be some other anxiety inducing crap going on in my private life.
Now, I'm all for stopping xanax as long as I'm stable enough to do so. I don't particularly like the extremely short half life, for one. But I'm about as far from a drug seeker as you could possibly be -- I made 240 1mg xanax last nearly three years. I just happen to be going through one of the worst situations in my life, so my usage has upped, because, well, I have to function. I have no choice in the matter -- if I don't, no job, no school, and I can't pay my rent.
If he's right and my anxiety lessens because of this ADD medication, great! But he's giving me a stimulant when I'm obviously hyper-anxious and dissociating nearly constantly the last few weeks and is basically saying if the anxiety isn't lessened to the extent that I can handle it in a month, too freaking bad.
So I pick up the scripts tomorrow and I have about eight xanax left, which I'm feeling the unstoppable urge to hoard just in case. If this other anxiety med doesn't work or whatever, I'm completely screwed. The only thing that I can do is wait, though -- I guess there's the possibility of starting risperdal in a month depending on how these meds go, which is supposed to be the next go-to for PTSD meds if zoloft doesn't work (which it didn't). I guess it also has anxiety reducing abilities, so that might be a solution if he'll give it to me after he cuts off this new anxiety script. Still, though. Freaking out. Bah.
Off to bake for my students. Hopefully it won't take the hours I think it will....:/
