Recently, my friend and I went out of state together to go see a concert. For both of us, this would be the first time that we were planning a trip and traveling, on our own. We’re both 20 y/o. We both have PTSD from sexual assault/abuse. We’ve been friends for more than a decade. My friend made some stupid decisions that put both of us in a dangerous spot, and I’m angry with her, but I’m not sure what I should do because the situation was much worse for her than it was for me.
I decided not to go to the concert because of some health issues I had the previous day. I was nervous about my friend going alone, so I made her promise to take an Uber back to the hotel (1 mile away, 20 min walk) or walk with other people who had gone to the concert. The concert and hotel are in a scary part of San Antonio where there’s no one around and there are really no streetlights.
The concert lets out at about 1 am. Uber is so busy that my friend can’t get a car, so she decides to start walking to the hotel. She heads in the wrong direction and gets even farther away. She meets some girls from the concert who are going to Circle K and walks with them because there’s a Circle K by our hotel. It’s the wrong Circle K. She is now 40 minutes away from our hotel, alone outside of a closed Circle K, with a dying phone, and no ride, in a skimpy outfit (I wish it didn’t matter, but I know realistically it attracts weirdos). She calls me and tells me what’s going on. We seem to have no other options, with no car and Uber being dead, so I start the 40-minute walk to her, alone.
It was terrifying. My hands are shaking thinking about it, so badly that it’s making it hard for me to type. I know San Antonio isn’t the worst city out there, but this was a bad area and we’re both from the suburbs. It is super dark and there is NOBODY outside. It’s been long enough at this point that almost everyone from the concert has made it home. I had nothing to protect myself since I had to fly to this city. Some men in a white van drive past me slowly and one of them yells at me.
I’m almost to my friend and she calls me talking about how a man is walking towards her. I can’t convince her to call 911. I have to listen to them talk on the phone. He is being a creep. I tried to run, but I was so exhausted already. I think holy shit I’m about to listen to my friend get raped or murdered on the phone because I couldn’t get there 5 minutes earlier.
A couple in a car notices what’s going on and picks her up. I just hear her crying over the phone and thanking them and telling them about what’s going on. They pick me up, too, and take us back to the hotel.
My friend keeps talking about what happened and I don’t know what to say. I want to be supportive, but to be honest, I am angry that this happened. It’s not her fault that the creep approached her, but she made a lot of stupid decisions that got her (and me!) into that situation. She never showed any gratitude for everything that I did to try to help her. She texted me this morning talking about how she has bruises on her wrist from where he grabbed her. I feel even shittier because I didn’t know that he touched her. Part of me feels like it’s all my fault that this happened. I don't know how to respond. I've been ignoring the message.
This is driving a wedge between us right now, and I want to say something, but I don’t want to make her feel worse than she already feels. Our relationship already tends to be one-sided when it comes to emotional support because she never seems to be in a good enough place to reciprocate my help. I think if I say anything about being upset that this happened, she will withdraw and never talk to me about it again. Which means she won't be talking to anyone about it. I don't want that to happen.
I would be grateful for any advice or thoughts that you guys have on this.
I decided not to go to the concert because of some health issues I had the previous day. I was nervous about my friend going alone, so I made her promise to take an Uber back to the hotel (1 mile away, 20 min walk) or walk with other people who had gone to the concert. The concert and hotel are in a scary part of San Antonio where there’s no one around and there are really no streetlights.
The concert lets out at about 1 am. Uber is so busy that my friend can’t get a car, so she decides to start walking to the hotel. She heads in the wrong direction and gets even farther away. She meets some girls from the concert who are going to Circle K and walks with them because there’s a Circle K by our hotel. It’s the wrong Circle K. She is now 40 minutes away from our hotel, alone outside of a closed Circle K, with a dying phone, and no ride, in a skimpy outfit (I wish it didn’t matter, but I know realistically it attracts weirdos). She calls me and tells me what’s going on. We seem to have no other options, with no car and Uber being dead, so I start the 40-minute walk to her, alone.
It was terrifying. My hands are shaking thinking about it, so badly that it’s making it hard for me to type. I know San Antonio isn’t the worst city out there, but this was a bad area and we’re both from the suburbs. It is super dark and there is NOBODY outside. It’s been long enough at this point that almost everyone from the concert has made it home. I had nothing to protect myself since I had to fly to this city. Some men in a white van drive past me slowly and one of them yells at me.
I’m almost to my friend and she calls me talking about how a man is walking towards her. I can’t convince her to call 911. I have to listen to them talk on the phone. He is being a creep. I tried to run, but I was so exhausted already. I think holy shit I’m about to listen to my friend get raped or murdered on the phone because I couldn’t get there 5 minutes earlier.
A couple in a car notices what’s going on and picks her up. I just hear her crying over the phone and thanking them and telling them about what’s going on. They pick me up, too, and take us back to the hotel.
My friend keeps talking about what happened and I don’t know what to say. I want to be supportive, but to be honest, I am angry that this happened. It’s not her fault that the creep approached her, but she made a lot of stupid decisions that got her (and me!) into that situation. She never showed any gratitude for everything that I did to try to help her. She texted me this morning talking about how she has bruises on her wrist from where he grabbed her. I feel even shittier because I didn’t know that he touched her. Part of me feels like it’s all my fault that this happened. I don't know how to respond. I've been ignoring the message.
This is driving a wedge between us right now, and I want to say something, but I don’t want to make her feel worse than she already feels. Our relationship already tends to be one-sided when it comes to emotional support because she never seems to be in a good enough place to reciprocate my help. I think if I say anything about being upset that this happened, she will withdraw and never talk to me about it again. Which means she won't be talking to anyone about it. I don't want that to happen.
I would be grateful for any advice or thoughts that you guys have on this.