Friendships And Ptsd

[Killashandra]

Hi all,

I have a problem, my problem is one of my good friends, pretty much my only comfort friend, doesn't realise the extent of what she does sometimes triggers me, she is a high maintenance friend and I am deeply involved in her family now, to the extent of basically we're sisters. But we're not.

The way she parents her children triggers me sometimes as I see my surrogate in her. Most recently 2 days ago I dropped her step daughter off at her psychologist, I didn't realize that Mother, my friend, was going into the session also to brief and discuss what they wanted from that session. The step daughter said some very upsetting things and my friend was so angry and cross at how her step daughter described her. My friends venting to me triggered me in ways I am still trying to comprehend.not only that but she has said to her daughter that if my daughter and her daughter have a teenage tiff, it had better not come between us. Our friendship is more important than her step daughter.. this is wrong. I would never do or say that to my daughter becasue she is my daughter, my daughter will always come first.

It got to a stage where yesterday after all the stress from the day before, I worried myself sick, I woke vomitting and very unwell. It got to a point where there was blood in my vomit.

Is this the time to step back from her? She has pushed my husbands buttons too many times recently and he is sick of her disrespectful ways towards him.

What would be your advice?

 

[SeptemViginti]

It might be time to take a step back just so that you have the time to collect your thoughts and figure out how to address this in your friendship. I find that time away from a triggering relationship can give me clarity about how to communicate what I need and want from the relationship, much more than I am able to articulate when too inside the problem to see out of it.

 

[turtlemoon]

I agree with everything SeptemViginti said. I also wanted to add that if you have blood in your vomit, please talk to your doctor.

But ditto taking a step back and analyzing things. Me personally... my mother was extremely abusive. This sort of thing was something she did all the time. I would have been triggered too. Big hugs if you'd like them.

 

[StarChild]

have a teenage tiff

Hi @Killashandra! English isn't my first language. And thus, I'm not familiar with the quoted term... Could you please explain it to me, for a better understanding? I would very appreciate it. :)

 

[Killashandra]

@TreeHugger , teenage tiff, meaning teenage arguments...

Thank you everyone for your advice. I much appreciate it. And yes @turtlemoon I will get those hugs.. I need them. ☺

 

[Friday]

I've learned that when I'm triggered? I'm overreacting. By definition. So I need to postpone making major decisions until I'm not triggered. Especially in making decisions that effect other people, like ending or distancing relationships.

Doesn't mean I'll come to a different decision.

Does mean I'll come to the right decision. Based on this time. This place. This person. & not the ghosts in my head.

 

[turtlemoon]

Friday, excellent point. I myself have a friend who badly triggered me a month ago and we havent spoken since. Had to take a biiig step back from that for the same reason. Coincidentally, this friend also has PTSD, and it was one of his reactionary responses that triggered me. At the time, I still hadnt gotten the diagnosis...