From Friends To Dating, Blackouts And Infidelity

[Sim915]

BLESS YOU ! sim. it sounds like my own experience 'spitting' when i went to my 'freind/lover. it soun...

Yeah I can easily understand that she may have dissociated, given the situation she was in and the degree of her inebriation. Thanks for the good luck, and the same to you with your own progress! :)

 

[The Albatross]

k thank you for clarifying.

 

[EveHarrington]

Right now?

No.

It's probably the VERY worst time to start a relationship with her. The probability of things crashing and burning is quite high.

Please read other posts on relationships. A relationship with a PTSD sufferer is often difficult under the best of circumstances.

I think if you start an official relationship now then there's a very high chance of her pushing you away and isolating.

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh I request that you not term her actions as infidelity as you two were not in an official relationship. This kind of terminology can be quite damaging.

"Remember that time we weren't together but you cheated on me?"

 

[Sim915]

Right now?

No.

It's probably the VERY worst time to start a relationship with her. The probabi...

Yeah I agree that right now would not be a good time to do such a thing, especially if there's the chance of it causing any more undue stress for her. My question was more in consideration of the long run.

Oh I request that you not term her actions as infidelity as you two were not in an official relat...

And I agree that my terming it 'infidelity' was unjustified, I understand that it may be damaging. The hurt I was feeling at the time made it more difficult to see otherwise, but having seen the bigger picture I entirely understand that I was wrong to approach it that way. There is no way I'm ever holding this against her, and if I could change the title of this thread to remove that word I would (new here so forgive me for not being aware if there is actually a way to do so).

 

[Lionheart]

I am an adult survivor of sexual child abuse and for me, I have very strong reactions to cheating whether they are real or imagined.

My best advice is to work on yourself and if you do decide to get into a relationship, try to know as much as you can about PTSD and the problems you may face together first. Be open-minded and honest with yourself and with your chosen partner.

It can be a rough and bumpy ride and it takes two people who are totally committed to one another to make things work, but even infidelity can be forgiven and trust rebuilt if you are really committed to the relationship.

As for jealousy...we all feel that sometimes, it is how you choose to deal with it that is the real issue.

I wish you the best,

Lion

 

[Sim915]

I am an adult survivor of sexual child abuse and for me, I have very strong reactions to cheating w...

Thank you for responding :) I believe I've managed to work past this issue mostly - I wasn't expecting to be able to do so this quickly given how I felt at the time of finding out, however after talking to people on here I've benefited greatly. I'm still helping her through this all, in fact a lot of progress has been made as a result of what happened that night.

I found out shortly afterwards that the person she slept with was a close friend of her abuser, much to her dismay when she found out the next day (she had no recollection of the events afterwards). This person mirrors the abuser in looks and personality so much that it was easier to see why it happened; when she's drunk she finds it impossible to control that altered younger version of herself from back in the days of the abuse, and so she became enamoured with somebody that she would find repulsive when she's sober.

As a result of what's happened, she's decided to stop drinking and cut ties with the groups that connect her to those people, removing her further from her abuser and hopefully putting her at ease. Forgive me if I've divulged too much, but my point is the age old phrase: that with every grey cloud comes a silver lining.

I hope you're well in yourself also, and best wishes for the future.

Sim.

 

[Lionheart]

Alcohol can lower one's inhibitions and severely cloud our judgment so that we behave in ways that we normally would not.

I was told I had to stop drinking years ago as it was tied into compulsive reenactment of my past so, I think she has made a wise decision to not drink anymore and cut ties.

I wish you both all the best!!!

Lionheart777

 

[Sim915]

Alcohol can lower one's inhibitions and severely cloud our judgment so that we behave in ways that...

Thanks for the assurance as to her decision! :) It's good to hear about others' similar experience I find, it allows for maintaining a better perspective.

Wishing you all the best too!

Sim