Frustrated With Therapy

[Rey324]

I am so frustrated with therapy or maybe just the therapists I have seen. I learned that a few yrs back when my issue weren't really just anxiety it was more trauma related that was neglected for many yrs. They were aware of the trauma just ignored it. So I vet the hell out of prospective therapists to make sure they can help me. Share my story which is incredibly hard for anyone with trust issues. You share the inner depths of the pain you endured to have them shit all over it. I am going to give an example.

Just an FYI - I been seeing this therapist for a year - and he is a trauma therapist

Few months ago my T made a comment near the end of the session that bothered me. He said I did not look disabled. (I am disabled due to the trauma) At some point I might need him to fill out papers from SSA to support my disability.

Next session I went in and asked what he meant by that comment.
1) He said I was more impaired than disabled. (Impairment is a disability and my functioning level screams disability)
2) He said that people hide behind the disability so they don't have to get better.
3) He said he has one client who was disabled and he would fight tooth and nail for them


Comment 1 totally minimized me. My functioning level is incredibly low. I barely am able to leave my house and I am profoundly isolated. Made me question why if I do not look disabled why am I in therapy.
Comment 2 pissed me off to no end because I do want to get better. It's not my fault the therapist I had before ignored the trauma and minimized it by saying I need to let go of the past, i'm only hurting my self by hanging on to it. It also triggered that I was lazy and did not want to get well. With the RIGHT kind of help I am highly motivated to get better.
Comment 3 - Was a knife to my throat. The T knew my background of neglect and abuse and how no one ever fought for me in any type of way or had my back. That crushed me. That also triggered I was not really disabled. My trauma is not as bad as others.
.

I was reluctant to return back to him. I was hurt. I usually just say forget and move on. I tried something different this time and went back and explain how all those 3 comments made me feel. That was hard for me because I have issue with confrontation and typically feel bad for standing up for myself. So I am proud of myself for doing that. I still was feeling raw from his comments and his apologizes didn't make it all better that comes with time. I go back for two more appts. The last appt I was in waiting area and the T comes out with his other patient and gives them a hug. That stirred up some stuff too as I never got a hug not saying i wanted/needed one. My mind ran with that and the hurt from that few weeks back where he really hurt me with his comments. I walked in feeling like I did not belong their and he did not want to see me. That particular day I had many health concerns going on and there is a potential scare of cancer. I didn't feel supported for any of that. just felt like I was wasting his time. I left and I had two other appt scheduled that I had to cancel because of the health issues. Last time I saw the T was 8/1 it's now 10/5 and he has not called back once to ask when I would like to reschedule and or if I was ok. yes i could of called to make an appt but I been dealing with the health stuff exclusively. By him not calling it kicks up abandonment again for me (my pal abandonment we meet again sarcasm) I am sure there is some type of protocol when a patient that doesn't show up to make sure they (therapists) are following a code of ethics to make sure they are not abandoning the client. I feel like this his way out for treating me because if did care or had concern a call would of happened a long time ago (what a way to heal attachment issues - sarcasm - this is not the person I want to form a unhealthy attachment with)

So now I am faced with finding a therapist again. I am going to vet like I normally do but next time they are NOT getting any of my trauma story history/details. Til some level of trust/attachment is formed so I can share the painful trauma stuff. It's crazy now I feel like I have to protect the trauma. In meantime while that trust is established I will opt to work on coping skills - do get my social anxiety, dissociation, and depression better under control and by then some form of trust should be there so the trauma work can begin.

 

[grit]

You do not deserve that and honestly I can see therapists doing that often thinking well, I know you for a year and you can take the %^&*%$ from them but it is just form of passive aggressiveness and re-traumatizing. I hope you find another therapist and I hope you find that all the answers you are looking for are inside of you, you just need a guidance to shed light. You will not gain anything you do not have already...you will just "realize" and maybe you need to believe that first and challenge yourself a person who hears your story has all the answers.
During the height of my own trauma work, I also met few therapists that were like yours (a pedestal) I recreated to re-work my ^^&%$$$ but again, I created them into something they were not but the beauty was every time, I left one, I gained more for the next time. This reminds me your last comments.

So now I am faced with finding a therapist again. I am going to vet like I normally do but next time they are NOT getting any of my trauma story history/details. Til some level of trust/attachment is formed so I can share the painful trauma stuff. It's crazy now I feel like I have to protect the trauma. In meantime while that trust is established I will opt to work on coping skills - do get my social anxiety, dissociation, and depression better under control and by then some form of trust should be there so the trauma work can begin.

Every answer you need is there. I will break it down for you in my own words and understanding.
they are NOT getting any of my trauma story history/details = you are becoming aware of your own boundaries.
It's crazy now I feel like I have to protect the trauma. - You may think this is crazy but actually this is maturity and growth. You are not your trauma that is your story and you have the right not to share or share. again this is about your boundary. You are realizing it but calling it or maybe even feeling it is something else. you are releasing you do not need to be vulnerable or give your trauma history to get respect, love and human connection. you are not protecting the trauma, you are protecting your boundary!
In meantime while that trust is established I will opt to work on coping skills = this is where you therapist failed you. You should always (I mean always) gain coping mechanism that are healthy and workable and life lasting before you can tackle trauma. Trauma bonding is a thing that clouds our judgement and that is what happened here. you gave your story and he was like OK, what should I do with this and maybe did not know what to do. But you need to learn coping mechanism so you can handle telling your trauma story as a story not as a breakdown boundary and losing consciousness way.

The biggest true line:I will opt to work on coping skills - do get my social anxiety, dissociation, and depression better under control and by then some form of trust should be there so the trauma work can begin.

i wish you all the best!

 

[Rumors]

1) Impaired means you can get better. Disabled means you will likely always have an impairment.
2) People sometimes do hide behind disability bc that is all they know and there is a fear of change. It's easier to stay the same than to venture in to the unknown.
3) I would really rather have a therapist that believes I can get better and will fight for me tooth and nail even when I don't believe in myself at that moment.
I think the point of my post is that although I believe what you are saying, I think you sometimes have to look at the perspective in which you choose to see something. If your goal is to have someone validate all of your negative core beliefs you likely just need to talk to your best friend not a therapist. If you want to be challenged and taken to task about the very belief system that brought you to therapy, go back to him and ask him to explain more and share with him what your thoughts are. I realize very much that you are hurting and seek support. He needs to provide you with that safety, but as well I think you have to be willing to hear that perhaps your perception of what was said may not be exactly what was intended. I'm sorry you are hurting... I think you have valid points for conversation moving forward but don't quit..... hang in there.

 

[pam4him]

I am so sorry for the difficult time you've had with this. It sounds like you've answered your own concerns. Keep the trauma close until you feel safe and create some trust with the T. Then slowly release details as the comfort level increases. Sounds like a game plan. May I offer one piece of advice? Please keep in mind that therapists are human and make mistakes. Perhaps try to keep them on your level. I've put too many people on pedestals in my past that when they fell, it broke me. I've had to learn the hard way to see them as people with their own issues, that may or may not have anything to do with me. Prayers for your search, for peace and recovery.

 

[Innordinate]

am sure there is some type of protocol when a patient that doesn't show up to make sure they (therapists) are following a code of ethics to make sure they are not abandoning the client.

Not where I live. There are no
follow up calls or inquiries into why I haven't scheduled appointments etc.

So, maybe it's where you live and the type of therapist?
Dunno... just wanted to point out that it might not be your t's way of ditching you.. from his perspective you ditched him.

Hope you find a better fit with your next t.

 

[susannahsays]

I think the ethics codes tend to discourage therapists from behavior that might infringe on client autonomy. A client not making more appointments is not considered abandonment by the therapist unless the client has been unable to schedule appointments due to therapist negligence (such as repeatedly failing to respond when the client attempts to schedule).

 

[Fayne Jane]

I feel for you and your situation, I would find a different therapist based on the 3 comments as they are not compatible with the type of therapist I need. How however it sounds like that kind of therapist might work for others. I would have been offended by the hiding behind a disability when I am meeting with a therapist trying to move on with my PTSD and learn to function and cope. I don't think one therapist fits all. My therapist would and have called when I disappear as that is one of my old behaviors to be avoidant. If I were you I would make a list of what you are looking for in a therapist that will guide you in your next vetting process.

 

[talon]

I am so frustrated with therapy or maybe just the therapists I have seen. I learned that a few yrs back when my issue weren't really just anxiety it was more trauma related that was neglected for many yrs. They were aware of the trauma just ignored it. So I vet the hell out of prospective therapists to make sure they can help me. Share my story which is incredibly hard for anyone with trust issues. You share the inner depths of the pain you endured to have them shit all over it. I am going to give an example.

Just an FYI - I been seeing this therapist for a year - and he is a trauma therapist

Few months ago my T made a comment near the end of the session that bothered me. He said I did not look disabled. (I am disabled due to the trauma) At some point I might need him to fill out papers from SSA to support my disability.

Next session I went in and asked what he meant by that comment.
1) He said I was more impaired than disabled. (Impairment is a disability and my functioning level screams disability)
2) He said that people hide behind the disability so they don't have to get better.
3) He said he has one client who was disabled and he would fight tooth and nail for them


Comment 1 totally minimized me. My functioning level is incredibly low. I barely am able to leave my house and I am profoundly isolated. Made me question why if I do not look disabled why am I in therapy.
Comment 2 pissed me off to no end because I do want to get better. It's not my fault the therapist I had before ignored the trauma and minimized it by saying I need to let go of the past, i'm only hurting my self by hanging on to it. It also triggered that I was lazy and did not want to get well. With the RIGHT kind of help I am highly motivated to get better.
Comment 3 - Was a knife to my throat. The T knew my background of neglect and abuse and how no one ever fought for me in any type of way or had my back. That crushed me. That also triggered I was not really disabled. My trauma is not as bad as others.
.

I was reluctant to return back to him. I was hurt. I usually just say forget and move on. I tried something different this time and went back and explain how all those 3 comments made me feel. That was hard for me because I have issue with confrontation and typically feel bad for standing up for myself. So I am proud of myself for doing that. I still was feeling raw from his comments and his apologizes didn't make it all better that comes with time. I go back for two more appts. The last appt I was in waiting area and the T comes out with his other patient and gives them a hug. That stirred up some stuff too as I never got a hug not saying i wanted/needed one. My mind ran with that and the hurt from that few weeks back where he really hurt me with his comments. I walked in feeling like I did not belong their and he did not want to see me. That particular day I had many health concerns going on and there is a potential scare of cancer. I didn't feel supported for any of that. just felt like I was wasting his time. I left and I had two other appt scheduled that I had to cancel because of the health issues. Last time I saw the T was 8/1 it's now 10/5 and he has not called back once to ask when I would like to reschedule and or if I was ok. yes i could of called to make an appt but I been dealing with the health stuff exclusively. By him not calling it kicks up abandonment again for me (my pal abandonment we meet again sarcasm) I am sure there is some type of protocol when a patient that doesn't show up to make sure they (therapists) are following a code of ethics to make sure they are not abandoning the client. I feel like this his way out for treating me because if did care or had concern a call would of happened a long time ago (what a way to heal attachment issues - sarcasm - this is not the person I want to form a unhealthy attachment with)

So now I am faced with finding a therapist again. I am going to vet like I normally do but next time they are NOT getting any of my trauma story history/details. Til some level of trust/attachment is formed so I can share the painful trauma stuff. It's crazy now I feel like I have to protect the trauma. In meantime while that trust is established I will opt to work on coping skills - do get my social anxiety, dissociation, and depression better under control and by then some form of trust should be there so the trauma work can begin.

This is bad very bad you are an individual your problems are yours not others and should not be compared with others. It would appear that for whatever reason they have not believed you or that you are not as ill as you say and malingering . You need some ground rules that make it clear you will not be treated less than human assertive without being aggressive. These people cannot call themselves professional. Good luck we are here for you

 

[TruthSeeker]

This is bad very bad you are an individual your problems are yours not others and should not be compared with others. It would appear that for whatever reason they have not believed you or that you are not as ill as you say and malingering . You need some ground rules that make it clear you will not be treated less than human assertive without being aggressive. These people cannot call themselves professional. Good luck we are here for you

I don't know the tone and body language are absent in your statements, so for me it is hard to respond. For myself, I don't want a T who will enable me to be more sick than I am, so I'd be okay with those statements because there is a difference between being limited.....and symptomatic....and being chronically disabled and unfit to work. I know, at my very worst, I wanted to quit work and never go back...but I wasn't disabled(all I wanted was to curl up in bed and hide for the rest of my life).I don't want to be limited by PTSD......and so, I'd rather have a T who believes I can get better...and challenged my thinking......and who left it up to me to make my own appointments....as an adult, that part along with paying for services is my responsibility.