I'm really frustrated, disappointed, sad, and upset with myself and others right now. I'm currently in undergrad at a state university, working on my bachelor's in psychology. I've completed 4 years (have my associate's) and still have probably 2 years left to go. After undergrad, I want to go to seminary and get my master's of divinity, and also my PhD in counseling psychology. I love learning, and I'm pretty good at school.
Enter PTSD. Distractions. Disruptions. Sleep disturbances. Etc, etc...and my intelligence, ability to reason, and overall good attitude diminishes. My motivation to succeed doesn't disappear, and I'm so frustrated with myself when I'm not able to accomplish what I could be able to accomplish if not for PTSD. My professors are usually pretty understanding, and I still have a high GPA, but I know I could do better and it's so frustrating to me to not be doing more.
Recently, there was an opportunity for me to apply for a special scholarship to visit Harvard Divinity School, with them paying airfare, hotel, and meals. It would have been an amazing opportunity. I got nearly all the application done, but one of my former professors didn't answer his phone so I didn't get a letter of recommendation in. I'm so disappointed because I really wanted to try. It would have been incredible. And because my professor didn't answer his phone, and my fear of asking other professors, I didn't even have the chance. And it just hurts and makes me angry. I hate PTSD. I hate what it does to me, and how I'm afraid of my own shadow, and can't seem to ask professors for favors. I'm so tired of it. I'm smart, but I'm crippled by my PTSD. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
Just wanted to vent...and if anyone has any pointers, advice, or feedback, I'd appreciate that too.
Enter PTSD. Distractions. Disruptions. Sleep disturbances. Etc, etc...and my intelligence, ability to reason, and overall good attitude diminishes. My motivation to succeed doesn't disappear, and I'm so frustrated with myself when I'm not able to accomplish what I could be able to accomplish if not for PTSD. My professors are usually pretty understanding, and I still have a high GPA, but I know I could do better and it's so frustrating to me to not be doing more.
Recently, there was an opportunity for me to apply for a special scholarship to visit Harvard Divinity School, with them paying airfare, hotel, and meals. It would have been an amazing opportunity. I got nearly all the application done, but one of my former professors didn't answer his phone so I didn't get a letter of recommendation in. I'm so disappointed because I really wanted to try. It would have been incredible. And because my professor didn't answer his phone, and my fear of asking other professors, I didn't even have the chance. And it just hurts and makes me angry. I hate PTSD. I hate what it does to me, and how I'm afraid of my own shadow, and can't seem to ask professors for favors. I'm so tired of it. I'm smart, but I'm crippled by my PTSD. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
Just wanted to vent...and if anyone has any pointers, advice, or feedback, I'd appreciate that too.
