Frustrating Posts

[Tuwowi]

My couple cents, as a long time member on here

Many people come here in awful states, truly awful. Hey, this is a mental health forum, a PTSD forum, don't expect all sunshine and rainbows.

When we come here at first, we often come because we are at the lowest we can hit, because we need help, and we need it now, and this is the help we found, this is the help we can get. I was like that when I came first, and so were many others here. I was a living mess. I picked up a lot of advice, followed barely any. I follow some more now.

But look, that advice stayed with me, I sorta picked it up, and overtime found uses for it, even if at first it seemed useless, or I couldn't even figure out it's meaning. And now, well, now I'm a bit less f*cked up

So yea, many members ask for advice, and then pesimistically go through the worst case scenarios, because they are still posible scenarios, as are the absolute best cases. But the advice will probably stay, and get used eventually.

Gladly gonna continue with advice, whether it's followed or not instantly

 

[Humi]

Love the term askhole!
I think a few things happen.
None of us are experts so it's easy to say "meh" and walk away if you read advice that you dont like. Then come back and hope someone will say more what they want to hear. Like codependent behavior, they keep coming back and we keep offering solutions.

Many months ago I was snared into a thread by a woman in a dysfunctional relationship. You can talk to your face turns blue but people like that won't leave until they hit bottom.

I've found it best to offer assistance once and then walk away.

 

[Wihob]

Good lord! People are seeking advice, not a rule book!

Couple of things I know for sure about this site- I don't actually know that much about the individual behind each post. There's a whole lot more to members and their situation than the short blurb you get in each post. Second, I can't really think of any particular situation where a member would be asking for advice and there's one bulletproof solution that is going to work for everyone 100% of the time.

My T knows me back to front and inside out. He's actually qualified to give advice and he has the benefit of giving advice on stuff he's usually witnessed first hand. And even he doesn't get it right 100% of the time. Because I'm as complex and unique as the next person, and it's advice - there are no hard and fast rules.

So I can go ahead and ask for advice from the forum on an issue, and get a range of different suggestions. Do I follow them all? Hell no. Can't. Wouldn't be possible. Do I give each advisor a detailed account of all the complex (and private) reasons why their advice won't fit for me? Err, no. It's usually not more than a brief "Thanks, but..."

Does that mean I haven't considered the suggestions and taken them on board gratefully? Hell no.

We offer advice on this forum. There are no perfect rules. Advice, for all that it may be considered and well intentioned, is being directed at a short post from an individual you've never even met.

And I hate to say it, but sometimes I actually get advice that's just plain wrong. So, how perfect and flawless is your advice really? And if you've nailed life so well, how come you're here like the rest of us mere mortals seeking advice in turn!?

 

[Amub]

No. I understand that people take things in and change in their own time. I'm more curious about those who are here but use the site just to socialize and don't even attempt to work on their problems.

 

[Ridud]

Good lord! People are seeking advice, not a rule book!

Couple of things I know for sure about this site- I don't actua...

You seem very defensive and triggered by this post.

 

[Itil]

You seem very defensive and triggered by this post.

Just floored by it. It's just advice. To a complete stranger. It amazes me that people would take it so personally that "my suggestion on how they go about their life and fix their problems" isn't always followed through. No one's advice is absolutely perfect. The only thing you really know is that the person asking for the advice probably isn't in a good place. And people take it personally when they don't get evidence that their advice has been followed to the letter? I can't understand why you'd let that bother you!

As for people coming here to "just socialise", this forum is the only meaningful human interaction a lot of members have. Busting through that isolation by using this site to socialise? I got no issue with that at all.

 

[Ufagi]

And I personally have never used the chat room, but my T is on at me all the time about trying to connect with other people, on any level, because I'm agoraphobic. So "just socialising" is actually a really big deal for some people.

I'm kind of stumped by how judgmental members seem to be when making their assessments about how hard other members are working at their recovery. I can understand that from people who have no experience with mental illness, but I would kind of expect a bit less judgment from a community like this.

How much do you actually know about the members who are "just socialising"? Could well be that they're working their @rse off with the situation they're in...

 

[Uluja]

Just floored by it. It's just advice. To a complete stranger. It amazes me that people would take it so personally that...

Concerned about those who use this site as a hook up joint. I don't really think that's a good way to break through isolation.

 

[Zilane]

And I personally have never used the chat room, but my T is on at me all the time about trying to connect with other peo...

There is a lot of judgment in this community. It's something that I'm learning to accept. Judgment is everywhere. Can't really change it, can only ignore it if you don't like it.

 

[Ehiz]

hook up joint.

Human interaction. You might be surprised how much of a big deal it is for some people to pull off a two-way conversation, even if it is just online it's better than nothing at all.

 

[Asoja]

People are allowed their own opinions whether you agree or disagree with them. We've all been frustrated. People are allowed to vent at others posting too much and people are allowed to react poorly to the vent.

 

[Eliv]

I think that it's easier to put people on ignore if they don't make strides toward healing and you rather not waste time reading their posts.