Frustrating Posts

[Viruzi]

Also I should mention- no one is guaranteed anything on this site. You may not find support when you want it. And asking others who also share a mental illness not to trigger you might amount to an impossible task. Even the best trained therapists can trigger. A forum of the imperfect is probably not the best place for the super sensitive. Professional resources might be a better option in a very dangerous mental state

 

[Amod]

To the OP... I do get fed up with people that don't "seem" (key word) to be helping themselves. I don't personally give two shakes about giving advice or an opinion and whether or not they take it. I just know that there's a lot that can help and I do get intensely frustrated when I see the same people over the years ... stuck in the same place (seemingly stuck)... then I remember it's their life and their business. It's not up to me to change it for them... it's up to them... or not.

 

[Defovag]

By the way I don't like the anonymous stuff so the above post is me... The Albatross.

 

[Ledigi]

I've got enough energy going into getting frustrated with myself or fed up with myself. I really don't have tons of energy to dedicate to judging other members for not working hard enough.

What gets my goat are two things: lack of self-reflection (some people seem to be unable to see their own actions as anything other than 100% justifiable/flawless/whatever), and misinformation. Hate misinformation.

Plenty to look at, if you just examine yourself. Plenty to learn, if you are willing to accept that you don't know everything.

 

[Ebadi]

People come here when they've exhausted their in-person options. I talk to my friends and my therapist until that isn't available. I think this is important to remember.

 

[Eba]

I didn't exhaust my in-person options... my in person options were also sick (mental/emotionally or addicted to a substance drugs or booze) and not able to even begin to help me or themselves. Just for the record. Again... The Albatross. Only when I began to endeavor to take up the work and heavy lifting on my own did some of the dynamics shift and some (not all) began to take cues vicariously from me. My husband being the main one, but our whole familial and friend dynamics shifted for the better because I was in recovery. Me. Just me.

 

[Igalo]

If you look at it from a different point of view. That advice is always here in the site. The next person that searches for a solution to that particular problem may just find that advice and use it. As well the person who asked it can always come back to it when they're ready.

One of the most positive aspects of this forum for me was to see people in similar situations/ with similar problems. Then me giving advice on these things that I don't do for myself. That has been a huge lightbulb moment for me. These people suffering from similar things as me and me giving advice that I don't listen to for myself.

That eventually lead me down the road of selfcare and compassion which has been so helpful for me. Because if I can suggest those things to complete strangers then I am deserving of them too. And I think that's one of the problems here people sometimes don't believe they are worthy of better.

So giving of advice can be beneficial even if that person doesn't take any notice.

 

[Ifa]

People come here when they've exhausted their in-person options. I talk to my friends and my therapist until that isn't...

Maybe not so good to exhaust your friends. I keep things from my friends because I want normal friendships.

 

[Ujake]

i dont mind people doing whatever they want to do here / help themselves of not. I think s lot, self included, just want to share feelings. And if does feel better to know you're not alone.
I do get fed up with people in real life who won't help themselves. Constantly seeking support or an ear of something.
Actually it makes me crazy and I avoid people that do that.
Whereas here - what's the harm?

 

[Upara]

I find this thread kinda ironic. Considering only recently there was a thread debating whether a therapist could/should even give advice.

On the other hand, I grew up with a mother who treated me like her counselor. Always talking about leaving my father and me guiding her step by step on how we'd do it. They're still together. When I left I spent a while continuing to try to help her. I actually got her to leave at one point, moved in with her to support her, and the next week he was living with us. I cut ties with them both pretty much after that.

We all know the saying "you can't make someone else change unless they want to".

I find that for the most part ppl on this site simply look for reassurance. There is the odd post where I'd say "think about the choices you have, what you want, whether you want to continue being abused", but I always remark on how I know it's just not that simple. I could want to leave my partner in the morning (though he's awesome so doubtful), but I would have to think about what would happen to our kids, I'd have to quit work probably and give up therapy. Ppl have this view that you can just make it happen, even though it could put you and your children on the streets. Yes if he was abusive to me or any of our kids I'd walk no matter the cost. But it is never as simple as ppl on the outside like to think.

 

[Utah]

Just to add to my comment (upara) I grew up being told that if I ever tried to leave or tell on anyone, I'd end up in foster care where I'd meet even worse abuse and probably die. For a lot of PTSD survivors this fear still rings true. I can look back and say I was stupid believing their lies. Yet I'm still afraid to tell on them! Consider that please.

 

[Picuv]

Having read much of this thread, my experience is that even for those for whom may believe they are on top of insight, knowledge, recoveries and freedoms, what IMHO I believe is important to note is that whatever rises in one place, falls in another.

IMO, annoying for me is the feeding of ego's through irritable assumptions, conjecture and empty judgement.

People come here when they've exhausted their in-person options. I talk to my friends and my therapist until that isn't available. I think this is important to remember.

That's not been my experience, indeed its been the reverse of this. I found this site while still socializing with friends and a good number of people. I don't recall whether or not at that precise time I had a therapist. Having found the forum while overwhelmed and quite depressed from intrusive traumatic memories, I overcame that depression, many triggers and much processed trauma. I included therapies and added in additional recoveries however, as life happens.

And, as much as I've heard countless people pat themselves on the back while speaking of possessing control over their lives, and sometimes it's so much control over their lives. I find it interesting that this control is all rather temporary and is dependent, no matter how it's sliced.

Sure, this very moment that just passed is guarenteed to remain in control, though from my perspective nothing after is certain.

So nope, I'm not bothered by any of what I've read mentioned. What I do find annoying, is egotism. One way in which my specific traumas and the thereafter afflicted me, was to disrupt the health of my ego. It takes plenty of recovery to get that in itself, in some order.