Funnies

[Spock]

 

[Jimmy1]

The Zipper
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier
walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit
puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said,
"Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was
that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a
little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When
you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there
at attention?
The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and
said, "No, no I didn't! All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a
couple of old duffel bags."

 

[atilla]

Alright, a dude walks into a bar, he has an alligator under his arm, a live alligator. Walks up to the bar, sets the gator down, and orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender says:" hey, man, you can't bring that gator in here, that's a dangerous animal, someone's gonna get bit", The man takes his hat off, rolls his eyes and says:"This gator is completely harmless,and i'll prove it." So he whips out his johnson, opens the gators mouth and puts his dork in the gators mouth and closes it. Everybody in the bar is horrified. The man then pulls out a club from his back pocket, and proceds to beat the shit out of the alligators head. After about 15 thumps on the gator, the guy opens the gators mouth and takes his dong out and shows it to the crowd...."See, no worries, anyone else wanna try?".. Some wanker in the back of the bar stands up and says: " I will.....if ya don't beat me with that club".

 

[Spock]

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!

 

[atilla]

corny Spock, but great...lol

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Whether
Conservative, Liberal or
Labor , I think
you'll get
a kick out of
this!


A little boy goes to his
dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let
me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the
administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.


We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes
off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he
hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.


He finds that the baby
has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the
little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words
what you think politics is all about.'


The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.

The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit.'

 

[Grizzly]

I f*cking love that ODG!

 

[atilla]

That pretty much sums it up brother.

 

[Spock]

 

[dutchiedelta]

 

[OldDoorGunner]

 

[OldDoorGunner]