Funniest Anger Moment

[nomedic1]

My Psych says its our body finally dealing with what we have buried for so long, still doesnt make it any easier and I agree about wishing they would just leave me alone.

 

[brodes]

Yea i here what your saying Nomedic1, but when you say finally dealing with it,this has being going on for years,on & off, & i spose one good thing i can pretty well bring myself out of them, still pretty frightning tho. Be good if they just did go away wouldn't it,but some how i don't think so, maybe a bit less frequent anyhow. Take Care Matt

 

[willis williams]

I don't dream any more I think. Sounds weird but since last august the meds I am on lomotrigine, and lithiun I think I dream even the occasional startle wake up but unlike before the dreams wern't vivid anymore. I guess I am lucky but now I wander what it is like to have good ones like the ones I had when I was a teenager that would be sweet just not about ferra focet she probibly ain't as hot anymore.

 

[brodes]

Ya aint wrong there Tex, but i think Farra's up there hangin out with the big man mate. Lol. Yea undestand about being happy when we were kid's,that's something i miss alot mate, bein happy with no worries in the world,wish happiness was something i could have back,just a bit of it anyway,be nice. Hey Tex did i ever tell ya your a wanker:DTake care bro. Matt

 

[willis williams]

No, but thats OK I've done a bit of wanking in my life. Yah I was trying to remember what was one of my child hood memories the other day and people are telling me about it and I just played along cause for the life of me I could not remember. I have lost a lot of good memories because of the meds side effect but still can't shake the bad. Kinda like having some memory I guess I will focus on making new good ones and hope I can remember them. I forget everything now I can't even tell you if I took my meds this mourning sitting at the computor I will have to look it is allready 1300 that is to many hours since I got up to remember this mourning. Went and check yep I forgot now I'm off scedule this always happens when my to older boys are here for the weekend the house gets real busy and i forget more shit. Later bro

 

[Wagon]

Wow Anthony. Just read your last on this thread. My DD214 read 3 Years 2 months and 20 days at sea when I got out. I lived exclusively on a ship for that period, then turned around and did another 5 years in Merchant Marines. Fought 8 fires, 3 floodings, 2 weapons accidents, one mass conflagaration and 60 days standbye for combat.
Also was on a sinking merchant for an entire day. Slept with a life jacket and kept getting up to turn off the flood alarm. We knew we were sinking.......just a matter of time. Made it to port.... I walked off permananlty and completely freaked out.

All alarms do it for me. Make me jump right out of my skin and freeze for lack of something to do about it.

For 6 years I lived on an Island in Oslo and had to take a ferry to work and back everyday. Was I inside.... Nope always outside, with an eye on the life boats and a cigarette in hand....just waiting for that thing to capsize. even in -23C weather.

Really should have recognized something was wrong earlier in life.

Oh well

Wagon

 

[nomedic1]

Yea i here what your saying Nomedic1, but when you say finally dealing with it,this has being going on for years,on & off, & i spose one good thing i can pretty well bring myself out of them, still pretty frightning tho. Be good if they just did go away wouldn't it,but some how i don't think so, maybe a bit less frequent anyhow. Take Care Matt

Its been 18 years for me I denied it for so long I couldn't distinguish between me and the idiot I have created when I started treatment about a year and a half ago my dreams started getting the better of me, I did some things to try and stop them, this site and a psych I can finally trust got me some relief but they get you every once in, a while a nasty ambush, I guess like in the military the more we know about the enemy the better we can prepare for the battle.

Keep Safe Matt

 

[brodes]

Agree totally there Nomedic1.,just had a really strange experience tonight, made myself go out & get some fuel,& this fella comes up to me at the servo,didn't know him from a bar of soap & starts rambling on about shit, im trying to walk away, & this bloke, probally got problems of his own, starts abusing me, so i sought of froze & thought shit whats he gona do ,mind you im starting to freak out here. Then i get this strange feeling over come me ,& im thinkin to myself im gona take you down mate real quick,because your frightening the shit out of me ,& he was probally 20 kilo's more on me,it was like my brain had just quickly reprogramed it self in a split second,really weird & i don't like fighting, but it was like, i thought this bloke was gona kill me, silly ah, me & my paranoia. Take care Nomedic1. .Matt

 

[Wagon]

Had a similar problem a few nights back. I was talking to a bloke over a beer down the street. Suddenly this very tall loud person comes up and starts asking questions. Where are you from, I've been there blah blah blah. And to boot he's one of these people that has to tap you with the back of his hand to punctuate every sentence.

Panic set in and I started the sweaty OK I got to do something about this shit type of thoughts. I was envisioning ripping his arm off and beating him with it. At the very least throwing him down the stairs. Anything to make him shut up and stop. Finally I had to say. "Please stop touching me" In a barely controlled low voice. I left shortly thereafter. Man. And the guy was just so enthusiastically happy. He had no Idea I wanted to do allot of damage to his person.

Have not had a fight for 22 years, But sometimes it gets too close for comfort.

Wagon

 

[Koala]

Wagon well done for holding it together..

This put me in hysterics yesterday.
We dont really swear that much at home, having young kids and all.
So my 19 month old is standing at the basinet looking at my 5 day old daughter when she leans over the edge and clearly says "Well f*ck me!"... My wife and I look at each other with a where the f*ck did she hear that saying from and then burst into laughter.

Koala

 

[Wagon]

Ha Ha Koala. Very familiar.

I try like hell to keep it under control. Wife barely curses at all, the angel. Bi-lingual family, so I can go off in Norwegian or English. I have 2 daughters as well 5 and 2. One day a few years ago before daughter number 2, I was fixing one of my daughters toys. (they don't make em like they used to...this is an endless task, things break right out of the box. Grrrrrr) I got a bit frustrated with the tedious little task and forgot my daughter was standing right in front of me. I said "SHIT!" and then kind of panic like looked up and saw my daughter standing there. And she smiled at me and said "Shit". So I said to her in Norwegian. Ikke Snakker "shit" Okej. And she OK and toddled off. Hasn't said it since. Good girl. But Pappa royally f*cks up some times.

wagon

 

[willis williams]

Shit Matt that ain't paranoia thats self preservation because if that is paranoia I'm screwed. I do that all the time in the states we can get a conceled weapons permit and in the and I aquired one early on with all the proper backround check. I used to carry all the time now just on long trips or out in the country. I was really bad though especially in cities I had a colt 45 under my arm all the time and it came in handy in spokane in the felony flats area just as a deterant to some would be theives that came a little to close. If triggered I used to react very differantly even just a fight once in that zone I call my own I just go or if it is eminit I would just go for if they felt froggy I would jump. After lots of therapy, broken hands, and nights in jail I have finally learned that it is way better to walk away and be the better but at a certain point like MATT said it still kicks in. I wish I would have learned some of these lessons 15 yrs ago. I'm slow I new I should have stayed in special education.