Gaslighting Abuse

[Nopejel]

Inop..I think you are right. Another sister who would know and tell the truth died last year. Before she did, she warned me to watch her and called her EVIL...but I already knew that. I think you are absolutely right about becoming so honest and seeing the lies clearly...no point of arguing or even acknowledging. I know she sees me in a weak position at the time...but Im not stupid. She forbid me to speak with another family member and when I refused her rules, she told her children they were not welcome at my house anymore. Well they all became addicts, the oldest is under hospice care for alcoholism, so who has her lies hurt the worst...its very sad.
Anyway, now she says sweetly, "ah, I always approved and encouraged...blah blah blah.." Glad we were on phone, eyeballs popping after have the big family stink all these years ago. Crazy stuff! Don't let them fool you!

 

[Ataz]

): why do they do it?
So sorry

 

[Ize]

Inop-I actually had a friend... my best of friends who had to move when I was twelve or so- who I made a pact to never ever lie to, because gaslighting was standard where we were. If we knew neither was lying to us, we could just ask. It made everything so much easier on both of us. I miss her dearly, though I think she no longer wants to speak with me as she's admitted she's bisexual and as much as I dearly love her, I could never love her in the way she wants. I wish I could. She was the shining light of my growing up.

I was gaslighted by the people around me and mostly by my mother. She's still that way-but I wonder if it's not so much gaslighting as it is willful delusions. Even my father has pointed issues out to her when she says things that either didn't happen or tries to say things didn't happen to me that did (at her hands).

She's getting elderly though and has her own issues. I think they may be more significant than any of us (in her immediate family) ever realized.

Gaslighting is terrible, but it does happen. Our best bet is to be as honest as we can, with ourselves and with others. Sometimes, it's our *only* defense.