Gender fluidity

[Ronin]

Glad it helped you to type out :)

I am wondering if maybe printing the posts, or noting the thoughts otherwise and showing it to the T, might do something for you? Or starting the convo in some way that is distancing or starting just with the theoreticals of things, what gender is and what not? Just thinking aloud atcha for the future, know you said you are not planning on it in the foreseeable future in every case. :)

 

[ImSad]

Glad it helped you to type out :)

I am wondering if maybe printing the posts, or noting the thoughts otherwise and showing it to the T, might do something for you? Or starting the convo in some way that is distancing or starting just with the theoreticals of things, what gender is and what not? Just thinking aloud atcha for the future, know you said you are not planning on it in the foreseeable future in every case. :)

I think that is what I plan on doing. This has been in the back of my mind for a looonnnggg time, much longer than the length of time I’ve been seeing this T. And telling her about it has been on my mind for a while too, but never seriously. Although, after writing all of this out, I did type up a note in my phone of what i’d like to tell her. I’ve done that before with a few touchy subjects — I’ll just write it out how I want to say it and hand it to her, if it’s somethinf I want to get out but will get too nervous talking about to get all of my points across. Once I get to that point of writing out something to her it seems to take just a few sessions until I give it to her — it’s almost like I get antsy and don’t want to just sit alone with the information. Not sure it’ll be that quick with this one — but the more I talk about it here, and the more I think about it, I want to tell her. It’s just very scary, since this is something that virtually no one knows about me (aside from that one professor and now everyone reading this thread).

 

[Mach123]

We had to talk about my "girl" from day one. I thought it was so many other things. I don't mind. It's just so difficult to say anything about it that won't be misunderstood or even make people upset? Maybe it's just that it upsets me? IDK. I've done a lot of work on this but when I try to talk about it I feel like I can't, just with the therapist. When I try talking even here my boundaries get violated and I start getting all angry I guess. I am totally angry about it, I finally thought about that one lately or I saw it or whatever. For me it's from CSA you know everything is a reenactment. Still trying to navigate. One minute I'm one person the next I'm someone else. I don't see it happen though, it makes me feel out of control. It's easier to talk about it. Even saying transgender or gender fluid is kind of not relevant? (I know I said it). But those are labels and now people are getting preconceived notions about surgery and hormones and stuff and it's not about that with me. It's more about the compartmentalisation. It's really hard to get a consensus of opinion when you are more than one person. I read a survivors story (CSA) survivor and he said "they made me into a girl." When I read that I knew what I was pretty much. When I hit puberty, I was a girl. That was hard.

 

[Ronin]

Maybe it might help to face that traits like submission, vulnerability, or even femininity exist in people of all genders, not just one?

Since it seems to me you are stuck in attaching them to a label of being a girl/woman, thanks to sexual abuse experience... where it is not about the gender at all, but about what these experiences meant to you, as opposed to being a man (or masculine.)

So since that is not about the gender(s) for you, maybe think on those other traits in a more gender neutral light, to move anywhere?