Genuinely Wish To Know About Therapy Length.

[anni]

Hi,

This might be very long, so I do apologise. I know it is tough to get through very long posts, but have a question which seems important and it will take some explanations.

I actually typed this earlier, the internet disconnected and I lost the whole thing. It had my story of dreck in note form included but don't think I can get through it again.

There is yet another very good article posted by Anthony about when is the correct time to leave the forum: [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/content.php?r=318-When-Is-The-Right-Time-To-Leave-The-Forum[/DLMURL]. The articles here are concise, comprehensive and factual as heck. One cannot just pick through them and discard what one might not wish to hear. Healing from PTSD seems to be a 'fish or cut bait' endeaver. You step up and do it or you do not. The articles, and the information in them are intended as tools to help us get through the healing. That isn't going to happen at all if one disregards or negates the hard facts.

In this article, it states that some people have way too much time in with a therapist and this indicates a dependence on someone directing their lives for them. 5 years was mentioned, so I thought 'whoa' because that would be me. I absolutely am not even slightly going to disagree with the conclusion, but wished to ask if that is a finite conclusion? Yes of course I'm looking for an'out', but not an excuse, promise! In explaining why I'm still not where I should be, please don't feel I'm justifying my lack of healing, or whining or hiding behind my diagnosis. I'd like to know if there are ever instances where the traumas were long lived and multi-faceted, one kept making destructive decisions which re-traumatized, and then didn't get help for a long time, would that make PTSD tougher to beat? Boy does that sound self-justifying and whiney so please do excuse.

I've had 5 years of consistant albeit sometimes sporadic therapy. Because of this I'm not depressed, suicidal, much more confident, more rational, responsible and less afraid, Despite the therapy, the avoidance is sometimes extreme with people, situations ( mail, phone, email, authority figures, men in dark suits, hospitals) and emotions, The fog and confusion remain, as does the out of the blue neuron storms which don't seem connected to anything. I have no idea on the planet how to be angry, (unless it's at myself )confrontations make me throw up, sleep is something where 5 hours seems luxurious, and reading is frequently a chore. I don't remember a lot of things, and many connected with that period of time.

I have no wish to fool myself, or attempt to hold onto a life rife with PTSD intrusions. It hasn't felt as if I've become comfortable, and not wished to step outside of the diagnosis. If this is where one stesp off into just managing as well as one can, then that is the way it is. I'm a little releived my original post did not go through because including my story sounds like someone saying 'yes but all THIS happened to me, isn't that different?'. It was just long and awful, with repeated destrucive patterns later and ingrained by the time I became suicidal that's all. It is much better to know if one has had a crutch that should have been removed a long time ago, however.

If anyone has managed to plow through this terribly long post and has the knowledge about this, it would be appreciated. If the healing time line for this really is rather finite, give or take a few months, that would be awfully good to know.

Thanks for all the wonderful information here.

Anni

 

[dust]

Hi Anni,

I am three years into therapy... still not ready to go it alone. I imagine that my therapist and I will come to a conclusion at some point, and that she may lead if I don't make the right noises. I also understand that even when I finish this cycle, I may have to go back again - maintenance becomes really important when I look at it from that perspective I guess. Some days I am tired of the fight and want to give it all up. Other days are wonderful, fun and full of light and joy.

Best,

dust

 

[maria]

Hi Anni

I don't think there should be an arbitrary time limit for therapy. I think a lot depends on the type of therapy and the extent of our individual problems. I've been seeing my current psychiatrist longer than 5 years. His style is psychoanalytic which takes a long time. This guy is in Boston. From where I live getting getting there involves a bus ride to the train station, the train and then the T. I leave at 8:15 a.m. and get home about 12:45 p.m. All that for a 50 min. session. I can assure you that if I had any doubts that this was essential, I wouldn't be going especially in the snow and frigid weather we've been having lately.

I consider myself very lucky to have this doctor. He works at 2 major hospitals in Boston and at one he is the co-chair of the department. He teaches at Harvard and has published 2 books. I think he'd know if I were malingering.

I agree that when the time to leave comes, it will be clear to both you and your therapist.

maria

 

[onebravegirl]

IMO, it is a tricky topic. First of all, I am cautios of blanket statements saying how long a person should be in T, or if it is an unhealthy amount of time. A proper T is very careful of not enabling and is not after a regular fee coming in but rather realizes that T needs time. Every one is different and things come up as you go along. For me it was 5 years, sometimes three times a week. Some months wouold go by and it would be pretty quiet but then new issues would show themselves and we would deal with them.
My T strongly urged me to come even when I thought I had nothing at all on my mind. Turns out that even those sessions were helpful becasue they helped me process moments of contentment, peace and ease.
PTSD is someting that is still not fully understood. There will always be "the latest article" and a few months or even years later, another aritcle will contradict it.
Own your own experience Anni, don't let anyones opinion discourage you. Anthony is not God, he just another person trying to make his way out of this just like everyone else. You do not have to agree with him, or his research. No one knows the cirumstances behind your Trauma better than you. These articles are subject to criticism even among the peeres of the original writters.
People do not have to agree with everything written here. For example, I do not agree what so ever that PTSD is somethiong a person has to live with for life. I have recovered. According to Anthonys research I am wrong. But that means that the entire Medical Team that helped me are wrong too, because they are the ones that reasured me that I indeed had recovered. Who am I to believe?
I'll stick with the professionals that knew me. My many family and friends who are like wise certain and my own inner being that knows it to be the case. I do not need an article to give me permission to own my recovery. I do that everyday. Everyone else is just lookin' through a window.
Be very proud of your own efforts Anni. You have done a terrific amount of work! Keep it up as long as you need to.
Big Hug,
O

 

[2quilt]

I find a good therapist who I can trust and let life flow with the usual bumps. As long as I can afford it, and we still trust each other and the T is doing his or her job, we keep going because I, for one, will need therapy for the rest of my life because I have trouble handling day to day problems on my own without a healthy professional to bounce ideas off of. I need a professional to tell me if I handled a situation correctly, or what I could have done better, and how I should behave when in a similar situation in the future. I talk about my knee-jerk, volitile reactions, and I learn to be assertive rather than aggressive. I discuss my feelings of aggression and how to talk myself down from the ceiling when I am triggered. We discuss how to deal with the assholes of the world, and what is a healthy response in common situations. I feel that i will always need a T's help.

 

[anni]

Sigh. It's very nice to have these insights and replies. It is really, really hard to know when enough work has been done and one should just launch the heck into life sans parachute, as it were. I seriously have no intent at all in challenging established norms. For one thing, I'm PTSD IEWWW on the whole controversy thing and for another I just do not own enough information.

'It' FEELS rather like 2quilt said, where those dam bumps jolt the stuffing out of one and the mechanic needs to readjust the steering or something. If I'm so anxious to be honest with myself then maybe I need to also acknowledge that this damage is a singular event predicated on singular circumstances, get on with healing and just trust I'll know it when and if therapy has exhausted it's usefullness. It does seem as if one has to be able to at least have enough self awareness to know this. Not knowing in itself is probably indicative (personally) that it's not time. Even lacking in confidence to the point of being shaken into such doubt would indicate that it's probably not time. The fact that I'm still capable of turning right when the GPS said go left, then pull over and sob might indicate something needs to be rewired.

I have huge respect for anyone who even pursues therapy, much less has to work at it to the point of trains and buses in mid-frigid-winter. Of course that kind of commitment is directed towards getting better,with every god intention on the planet. Thank you, sincerely, for everyone for helping with the doubt, and the stories of your therapy. They're tough to talk about I know.

I truly had questions about this, and seriously just plain did not know. You've all made me wish to get through the 'story', too. It's long and has hugeee triggers, but since I also understand it's part of wishing to get better then should get it done. Maybe I'm copping out and still just trying to make myself feel better about still needing a therapist, I can't tell. It's just probable, I guess, that variables in healing exist as widely as we do as individuals.

Thanks again, really! :)

Anni

 

[onebravegirl]

Something to remind yourself is that PTSD is insistant on looking back. Training your self to look ahead takes time. So a good T not only helps guide you through the past but also can help you train your brain to look to the future.Even learning what it feels like to be happy can wierd a person out for a time. IMO your even thinking about when a time may come to end T says that your brain is begining to think ahead, and that is TERRIFIC news in itself!
I stayed in T an extra year-just in case something would arise. I also used that year to get used to the un-medicated me.
Having been on the highest dosages of tons of different medications had numbed me so much that even the clarity of thought I experienced after I got off of them, took some getting used too. (man that was a long sentence).
Baby steps, hun, baby steps and take each one at your own pace.
O

 

[2quilt]

When you begin therapy, you have to go slowly with revealing facts about the reasons why you came in for help. After 2 years, I have been able to joke with and share personal details with my T, and I do trust him very much. When will therap[y end? I imagine that I will have to get another T when he retires completely. But I will continue therapy forever because I am just one of those who can't keep my life stable and run it myself without help for very long. It's just a fact. "Your mileage may vary."

 

[anni]

:) Your milage may vary. That would be a very good PTSD bumper sticker.

When my T did retire, I just assumed I should go find another one, and even that was a horrible thought. Starting all over with a new one, finding one you can eventually laugh with once in awhile and trust they have no agendas. ( I had one once who wanted me to buy a house, for God's sake. It transpired he'd just passed his Realtor's exam......) I joined the forum because the symptoms were affecting others and I had to get it together to do the work and make myself find another T.Being able to keep in mind that perhaps there is a 'norm', but that" milage may vary" gives me some guilt-free perspective to use to be able to continue the journey. Fear/shame/guilt/dread is smudged all over the lense through which I tend to view the world. It's been adding to that thinking perhaps I was really wildly off track and fooling myself. It's just plain a big relief thinking maybe that's not the case, so thanks very much.

 

[onebravegirl]

It is not a race Anni. It is a journey. It is not about speed, length of time, but endurance. Learning to be kind and patient with yourself will help both you and you family.
Please try and not "should" on yourself, its like walking with rocks in your boots. You have strengths already and appreciating them will help you see how far you have traveled.
O

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Anni -

I'm coming up on the one year mark with my T - weekly sessions (EVERY week) and am absolutely not ready to even consider letting go. There are so many different types of trauma and the resulting effects of PTSD - I believe it really is a case by case situation. I often get frustrated with myself and feel like I'm not working hard enough or that I haven't made enough progress. My T reminds me when I start that thinking that I have alot of stressors in my life, I can't afford to take a medical leave to focus entirely on my recovery and that yes, I may be stuck but it's not by my fault, it's due to my life circumstances and the reality that I'm just trying to get through this on a daily basis. Sometimes, daily life and simply gaining skills to cope can delay the actual trauma work - my T believes that my safety comes first always and I agree with her.

 

[onebravegirl]

For Anni,

Autobiography in five short chapters

1) I walk, down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3)I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is MY fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down a different street.

Big Hug, O