Getting Cancelled On.. Twice

[mrsps]

I would be pissed off as well if I had 2 appointments in a row cancelled and I would also have all those thoughts you do going through my head!
I am lucky that one of the first things my new T said to me when I first saw her was that she was reliable ..... this is a huge thing for me as I live week to week to see my T (man that sounds tragic) My old T used to go away on holiday and tell me in the last session we had before she went away!
I think if I was you I would look for someone else or if you go back to her you need to be up front and tell her how you feel about her cancelling twice on you. She should know that her clients rely on her and should know the affect it has when she cancels

 

[Biz]

I am going to go ahead and book something and have a conversation w her abt it in person. It sucks because we don't have a base but I know it's important to speak for myself. Plus being able to have a hard ish convo where basically I am being critical and she contains me/herself w/o reacting is important too. Her part in the conversation will be rather telling.

The one week cancellation does add some frustration @joeylittle; I wonder if she'll give me two spares for hers? And my previous therapist was really good at broadcasting her choices. I realized when you mentioned that it's something that helped me feel safe w her.

 

[scout86]

That you have to give her a week's notice but she doesn't need to do the same seems a bit unfair. I think my T, technically, has a 24 hr policy. He's called me once, a few hours before my appointment, to see if he could reschedule because another client had an emergency. The way he handled that was to say that if we couldn't reschedule he'd come up with another plan. (We rescheduled.) Twice we've called things because the roads were bad and it was handled the day of, with an email conversation. I kind of don't think he'd enforce the 24 hr rule if something truly came up at the last minute. I think that exists so people don't take advantage or bail on him at the last second just because they chickened out. But I DO kind of think it should work the same both directions. Your time is as valuable as your therapist's.

 

[joeylittle]

And my previous therapist was really good at broadcasting her choices

Broadcasting her choices - I love that phrase. That's a perfect way to put it, when you need someone to be transparent and overt. Thank you for that.:)

 

[falling_wave]

I've had that happen twice. I guess life happens but it does hurt especially with attachment issues. This last time she told me to call for a brief phone contact. That made all the difference. It calmed down my attachment reaction and have me something to hold onto another week. I really love working with her so I'm okay with dealing with cancellations sometimes and I'll call if there is an emergency. She's really good about that. It may not be often just the time you started but if it continues to happen I'd switch Ts. You could switch mow if you can get in quick with someone you think you'd click with as you probably don't have much built with this T yet
All in how you feel.

 

[Biz]

@scout86 and @falling_wave, it sounds like both of your therapist communicate well. It's definitely sensitive to be cancelled on and I'm sure it's a skill to build. It is a little strange that she wasn't particularly apologetic, even the second time (her second email was like, "Hope you're enjoying the weather this weekend! I am still getting over this cough and cold...... Let's try for next Monday. I'm sure I'll be feeling better then.") I wonder what her strategy was with that like she'd keep it casual and I'd react casually or she doesn't want to seem overly invested because that would freak me out. It's just that because we have no rapport, I'm choosing to be more out there by opening the conversation and by allowing our cancellation policies to be different. And even though in therapy, the client is generally more out there, I hate that it starts like this.

 

[scout86]

I wonder what her strategy was

It's kind of easy to imagine (and that's what we're doing) that there was no strategy at all. She may just not know you well enough to realize how this sort of thing affects you.

 

[Gloria]

It's kind of easy to imagine (and that's what we're doing) that there was no strategy at all. She may ju...

I went to therapist for three years that would overbook or cancel appointments and then laugh as I sat in waiting room for an hour because I had to wait for her to finish double booked client. I finally fired her when her elderly husband with dementia got a hold of my home phone and kept calling me. I deeply regret that I wasted so much time with this incompetent therapist and after starting with new therapist using DBT I was almost symptom free in a short time.

Finding a good therapist is critical to your recovery and you are deserve respect. Best of luck!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am still stunned at her double standard of not allowing her clients the same grace she gives herself. Personally, I would move on and keep looking for a more professional therapist. I wish you the best.

 

[Biz]

Thanks everyone for your support. I see her on Thursday and I'm going to talk with her about this then. Hopefully it's productive.

 

[Biz]

I did talk with her about it. I asked if this would be 2 out of 20 or if I should expect things to remain around 40%. She told me that the last time she was sick was January and it's obviously unpredictable but then told me her vacation schedule and then asked what I thought. Strangely, at the time, she seemed kinda blase about it but writing what happened, I guess she was addressing what I was saying. (The emotional brain is so strange sometimes; it hears all kinds of things).

 

[Lucycat]

In five years my T has only canceled once - and that was when his brother died. I have never canceled him, although there have been times when he has offered an appointment and I declined as I did not feel I needed it. We work round holidays - he tells me when is going to be away, and he always enquires if I will be going on holiday.. He has gone out of his way to accommodate me and reduce the need for me to take time off work to see him. I have had many evening appointments as his last client of the day. And I get all this for free.

I cannot imagine the situation whereby you are paying for a service and they treat you so shabbily. I get that she was sick and that was unfortunate, but even saying the last time was January - that is not so long ago.