Getting Letters.

[Ramsey]

From the person that gave me PTSD.

They vary from nice and kind and supportive and apologetic, to angry and defensive and offensive. I've responded in the best ways I can. I reply with truths and I reply with kindness.

I don't know if this is the right thing to do.

The last message I sent was suggesting we go through each issue separately, and when we're done with everything, we sever our communication entirely.

The past few days have been kind of awful. I'm off again. I'm a zombie. I'm too energetic. I interact with people like a robot trained to be a person. The medications I've been given have helped me to sleep, so at least I'm not experiencing the insomnia anymore.

I think I just want anyone's thoughts or advice on this. I don't know what to do. I like the thought of punching this person, but of course that's not exactly feasible or advisable at all, but anything, any words will help me so much.

 

[catjudo]

I don't know your story or situation, so forgive me if this question has been answered elsewhere. But when I read this, the first and only question that comes to mind is... Why are you even bothering to respond to this person's letters?

 

[Zipperhead]

Really a personnal choice. Do you feel you owe this person anything? Really, at the end of the day, you're probably not going to get much from giving them closure, and unless you feel the need to confront them, you probably won't get much closure from them either. Why hold your self up as a punching bag with little chance of personnal gain? Unless you want to confront them.

 

[Ramsey]

I want peace. I want to be able to talk things out. I don't know if this is a foolish thing with the kind of person this person is. It probably is. I don't owe this person a goddamn thing; they owe ME peace. I want apologies.

This is stupid. Isn't it?

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hey Ramsey

It's never stupid, maybe get some professional help though. There are ways to help you let go of this anguish. You deserve better. I don't see there being any benefit in staying in contact with this person if they are the cause of your distress.

You have goodness within you and you do deserve a better life. :)

 

[ClairBear226]

My personal experience here is about all I can offer. I've had 3 people in my life that were active participants in my developing PTSD. Not one of the 3 has shown any evidence of having evolved from the souless amoeba that casued me to feel the way I do in the first place. To appologize would mean they'd need to understand they'd been wrong. I don't see that happening in this lifetime. If your situation is different, maybe you can get the closure you want, but I'd do it with someone you trust (therapist?) as a guide, not on your own. The only letter I ever got was a destructive reminder of what I'd already been through. Be careful.

We talked about this on another thread. The need for validation. Is that maybe what you're seeking?

 

[Zipperhead]

I've got to agree with the Bear. If the other person is not saying they want to appologise, confronting them is unlikely to give you any closure. And to give them the chance to open old wounds isn't going to help. Unless you feel the need to confront them, I wouldn't do it. And if you do have that need, bring along help.

 

[doglover]

Whoa that sounds like it would be really tough. All the ups and downs can't be good for you. And the major confusion related to this person tells me this situation is probably not good for you.

If I were in your shoes I would tell them I changed my mind and don't wish to communicate anymore. And come here as often as you need to.

 

[Ramsey]

Right now I just feel numb. Low, and numb. I might follow your advice, doglover. I can't go for however long it takes to get through all this shit feeling like this.

 

[doglover]

Exactly. And the ups and downs sounds a little like exactly what takes so long to shake off. Where a person can start to doubt their own judgment and get so off center. I hope for your own emotional safety you will stop the communication. We've got your back here! <3

 

[Ramsey]

Thank you. I'm going to start coming here more often. I do need support. Outside support that I don't get from friends and family because, obviously, they don't really know what's wrong.

 

[Sammy]

This is a great place to come. The people here are awesome. My personal thought, for what it's worth is, I wouldn't be communicating with them. If you find it upsetting, they are just hurting you more. I could contact my abusers but have decided they are not worth my time or energy. I need to figure out how to achieve peace and no one else can make that happen for me. But, do what you need to do. Remember, you need to take care of you and no pneelse can find your peace for you. Be safe and don't let this person hurt you more!