Getting My Hopes Up

[confusedcaregiver]

It occured to me this morning that I have stopped looking forward to anything. Things have been crazily difficult since the surfacing of my traumas and I have found my attempts to reach out being shot down. Family members ignoring my emails, friends keeping their distance, the only doctor I ever trusted didn't return my calls or my written plea for help.

Every time it crushed me, but I figured at least I would be able to talk to my girlfriend when she was home. Even if she has no advice, just an ear to listen that cares. But when she got back into town she set up a new boundary - she is overburdened by her stuff and needs to focus on her trauma recovery, so she asked that I don't burden her with my stories/traumas.

I feel so alone. And I just cant take being let down again. Easier to not expect anything than to have my needs/hopes crushed again and again.

 

[Abstract]

Oh I am sorry. That sounds really hard and hurtful. Especially since you wore your health down supporting her with hers. Not that I am saying she shouldn't put a boundary in place but rather just that I do feel for you being in this situation.

You now have to think what you need to put in place to safeguard you in this relationship. Have you looked for a trauma T yet?

 

[confusedcaregiver]

I fully respect her need for whatever boundaries she puts up and have no hard feelings towards her for it. Just doesn't help me any and I gotta learn the limitations of my relationship at some point anyways.

I have major trust issues with doctors and a medical treatment related trauma as well as the rest of my junk. I did find one doctor I felt I could trust (my girlfriend's one) but he must be busy or something because he never gets back to me. Now I am feeling even more reluctant to try to find some stranger. Kinda feel like cruising these rapids alone/popping into online comunities is all I can do.

 

[Abstract]

I am being a hypocrite Confused as am struggling to get myself there but hope you reconsider and look for a trauma therapist. Dr's have an important role but they are not therapists.

 

[saffy]

Hi confusedcaregiver

I understand, I am going through the same thing at the moment. I need to apply what I realised ages ago, which is there are more people out there not just the few I have spoken to so far. If I have asked only ten people in a town full of people then I need to keep trying. Well, remembering that and putting it into practise is another thing. I feel like you most times. Why bother just to get rejected again.

I wonder though if there is some other way you and your girlfriend can comminicate. Maybe in trying different self help therapies or skills on each other? That way you are helping each other without burdening each other with something deeper.

best wishes
Saffy :)