Getting Pulled Into The Vortex

[Nicolette]

How do we find balance between the two worlds.....???

My TH says that I have to let go of any responsibility and look after myself, accepting that PTSD symptoms are only in control of the Sufferer. To me hearing this is like saying to walk away but then doesn't that leave me being unsupportive? I don't know how to find a compriable balance between being supportive, allowing a sufferer their space & not letting it drag me down.

 

[intothelight]

My TH says that I have to let go of any responsibility and look after myself, accepting that PTSD symptoms are only in control of the Sufferer.

This true, as long as the sufferer is actually in control. I think that is where the problem lies, in knowing when help is really necessary; or when to let things just go and go about your own life. As a person, take care of yourself first.

Although that sounds great in theory it is really hard in practice. When you are in a relationship with a person, their actions and moods do have an effect on you. I guess it is those things that are really the most troublesome that should be addressed when the person is well and something worked out for both parties.

Also, personality can further exacerbate the problem. I am stubborn, independent, and pretty much have to crash and burn before I change. I am sure this doesn't make it easy for my supporters. But looking at it from the other person's point of view definitely can shed some light on how PTSD symptoms affect others; and if you are open-minded enough generate the desire to make changes.

My .02.

 

[cherryblossom]

How do we find balance between the two worlds.....???

Hmm, tricky question. And maybe I don't suffer PTSD as badly as Anthony? IDK? And of course my situation is different because I don't have someone around me all the time, like Anthony has you.

Because my family lives a distance away, and I don't want them camping on my door step, I tolerate the daily phone calls, because I know my Mum worries about me. It is hard work for me, but I can do it. And yes, often I lie to her and say I'm feeling ok, but if I said I felt like crap she would be round my house ASAP, and that's not what I need or want. I'm not saying a 'sufferer' should snap out of their depression and be all happy and cheery, but not even saying hello when you walk through the door seems a little extreme to me.

I also understand the over-exaggeration, although that's not us as sufferers being over-dramatic, it's just how it feels at times. I know that a 'well' person can deal with several appointments, and loads of phone calls in one day. But to me it's overwhelming. Yesterday was a perfect example. I felt like I was being hassled, when logically that wasn't the case. I had a few phone calls, I had a couple of meetings, and I have 3-4 emails that I had to deal with. No big deal to most, but it overfilled my PTSD cup.

I know I'm not the best person to talk about communication, since I live alone, and communicate with others generally on my terms, but I honestly do believe that the least a sufferer can do, is try to communicate to those they live with, what is going on in any specific day. It doesn't have to be a lengthy conversation, or loads of details, but when you choose to share your life with someone PTSD, or not, the least you can do IMO, is to stick with basic communications, such as 'hello, how was your day', when you get home after a day at work.

But like I said, I live on my own, and maybe I have an unrealistic idealistic view of the world, so just my opinion for what it's worth.

 

[anthony]

My TH says that I have to let go of any responsibility and look after myself, accepting that PTSD symptoms are only in control of the Sufferer.

I've been telling you this since day one my love... I wish you would actually do it and listen to them, because you haven't listened to me saying the same thing to you.

Its not walking away... this is mental illness, not physical. There is a distinct difference. When you got ill and were in hospital, I spent most of my time their keeping you company and supporting, however; if you were in a mental hospital, that would be counter productive and I would only be stressing you, hence mental illness. This is why psych wards lock people away from loved ones with limited access, because they think their supporting when in fact they are doing more damage by constantly pestering and overwhelming with support the brain cannot handle.

Distinct difference between the two types of illness. The more I am left alone, the few times I do actually get ill, the faster I recover because I can concentrate on getting better, without further people stressing me and adding another battle to the equation.

Listen to John and John... as you won't to me saying the same thing.

 

[Nicolette]

I love you and it's hard to fight natural instincts....... I do listen, it's just hard for it to make sense of it at times but I am trying... otherwise I wouldn't be seeing John and John :inlove: