I forced myself into many activities which was essentially like repeatedly throwing myself against an electrified fence. I desperately believed that if I flung myself harder and harder eventually I would crash through to the other side and all its effects would be over..
Avoidance is not healthy obviously but avoiding stuff that bad for you isnt. The thing is, if like a pigeon testing an electric fence you keep trying things that zap you, you end up in an ever decreasing world..
Personally it is and was an error to compare mental/emotional thoughts and feelings with a truly life threatening situation. The difference between throwing myself against an electrified fence and throwing myself into stressful life situations is the fact that the former would seriously physically injure or kill me while the latter may risk anguish/stress/shame/blame/guilt/fear or even depression. But thoughts and feelings are my own and learning how to work through or around them creates new experiences to over-write the anxiety producing or trauma related ones and are survivable. Not easy, but doable. Not stress free, but learning how to manage with the disorder is more beneficial in the long term than accommodations.
I don't expect that it will be over one day, I expect though to be able to navigate more reliably in the world as it is and to develop tools and skills that will assist me in being able to go where I want to go, do what I want to do, and manage the anxiety by making new neuro pathways, creating new habits and behaviors that better serve me. I am less reactive and when I am reactive, I rebound much faster often skipping the depressive cycling.
One of the things that led me to this forum was Anthony's approach to this stuff and I have benefited from a lot of his opinion on these things.
The analogy of the pigeon testing an electric fence is backwards. If I keep trying things that zap me, I learn, adapt, and repeat the things that work and avoid the things that don't. What I don't do is avoid all fences. It is an irrational assumption that all fences are electrified and only by honing risk assessment and threat assessment skills can I learn how to navigate in a world where some fences are electrified.
To avoid fences (being a pigeon), increases the has the unintended consequence of perhaps limiting my ability to sustain myself as I look for food and watch for real threats to my survival. Sure there are trees and I can have a preference for trees, but if I find myself in a locale that does not have alot of them or there is much competition for them I may need to use a fence.
Further, I also do not give preference to safety so much so that I lose the potential benefit of resting on a fence if it is more generally beneficial for me to do so.
Assessing the situation is also key because there may be times when what I desire to gain is worth the risk. For instance the longer term benefit of Nadia's group may be worth more to her personally than abandoning the group. Part of the process is to see the goal or want/need/desire and decide if the shorter term risk or emotional distress or discomfort is worth the longer term benefit.
Accommodation of unhelpful thoughts and feelings got me a smaller and smaller world and became a very isolated and agoraphobic place. It was more accurate risk assessment and rational thinking that brought me back out of my home and has enabled me to move through my day to day activities with reduced fear/stress/anxiety.
