reeling guy
New Here
I think I already know the answer - but it's helpful to write to get it out there. Any input or advice appreciated -
A little over a month ago (I know - only a month) I met someone. The relationship started out sexual, but feelings on both sides very quickly developed. We were spending hours with each other every day - mostly talking and getting to know each other. I know it sounds crazy, but this was literally the most in-tune I've ever felt with anyone. We gradually reciprocated our expressions of feelings for each other until a few weeks in (though shocked that it could happen so quickly) we were madly in love (and I've never used that expression to describe a relationship).
I need to stress how reciprocated our feelings were for each other. She told her family members about me including her daughter. She told her friends about me. Everyone could tell she was glowing. She told me she could see herself (in the future) getting to know my kids (both recently divorced with kids). She said she thought she manifested me - because I met nearly every criteria she dreamed about on her "perfect guy list"
Now to the ptsd part - She suffered a horrible tragedy 4 years ago from a domestic violence incident involving a family member and two siblings. Her siblings were killed. If that weren't enough - she was married for many years to someone who was abusive - very controlling (wasn't allowed to have a FB page or go out with friends), demanded sexual favors in exchange for basic requests for help or kindness, and she described one incident that I can only describe as rape - where he aggressively had sex with her out of anger at a time when she had no ability to consent. She only told one other person about the incident. I got the sense from her that she did not fully understand how abusive her time with him was. I also know she had not ever been to therapy for any of these issues.
About a week ago, i had some drama with my ex that blew over after a day or two. But my GF instantly started expressing that she was feeling anxiety about getting involved in another relationship. We kept spending time together, and it was still so good. Until one morning (after an amazing night) she told me she thought it was best if we took a break. We only really texted about it - and I was struggling to understand what changed. She said she couldn't explain but that she was feeling anxious and she didn't know what she wanted. Also - the night before she told me that an old BF had called (a guy she characterized earlier as an asshole but that they had a purely sexual thing). She expressed uncertainty about whether or not she was tempted to be with him again.
Anyways - pretty instantly, her texts grew shorter and shorter. She apologized, but then POOF, stopped responding altogether.
I spent the week REELING and in total turmoil wondering wtf happened. Went over everything in my head I spoke with a friend who has a phd in psychology and they suggested that the trauma she experienced probably made it difficult for her to open herself up. I went online and found this forum and started reading about ptsd - and found many stories much like my own.
I guess I'm not looking for anything here other than some validation or ... i don't even know. It just breaks my heart to lose her - and to know that she probably went back to engage in another unhealthy relationship that she felt was "safer". Soooo heart broken.
A little over a month ago (I know - only a month) I met someone. The relationship started out sexual, but feelings on both sides very quickly developed. We were spending hours with each other every day - mostly talking and getting to know each other. I know it sounds crazy, but this was literally the most in-tune I've ever felt with anyone. We gradually reciprocated our expressions of feelings for each other until a few weeks in (though shocked that it could happen so quickly) we were madly in love (and I've never used that expression to describe a relationship).
I need to stress how reciprocated our feelings were for each other. She told her family members about me including her daughter. She told her friends about me. Everyone could tell she was glowing. She told me she could see herself (in the future) getting to know my kids (both recently divorced with kids). She said she thought she manifested me - because I met nearly every criteria she dreamed about on her "perfect guy list"
Now to the ptsd part - She suffered a horrible tragedy 4 years ago from a domestic violence incident involving a family member and two siblings. Her siblings were killed. If that weren't enough - she was married for many years to someone who was abusive - very controlling (wasn't allowed to have a FB page or go out with friends), demanded sexual favors in exchange for basic requests for help or kindness, and she described one incident that I can only describe as rape - where he aggressively had sex with her out of anger at a time when she had no ability to consent. She only told one other person about the incident. I got the sense from her that she did not fully understand how abusive her time with him was. I also know she had not ever been to therapy for any of these issues.
About a week ago, i had some drama with my ex that blew over after a day or two. But my GF instantly started expressing that she was feeling anxiety about getting involved in another relationship. We kept spending time together, and it was still so good. Until one morning (after an amazing night) she told me she thought it was best if we took a break. We only really texted about it - and I was struggling to understand what changed. She said she couldn't explain but that she was feeling anxious and she didn't know what she wanted. Also - the night before she told me that an old BF had called (a guy she characterized earlier as an asshole but that they had a purely sexual thing). She expressed uncertainty about whether or not she was tempted to be with him again.
Anyways - pretty instantly, her texts grew shorter and shorter. She apologized, but then POOF, stopped responding altogether.
I spent the week REELING and in total turmoil wondering wtf happened. Went over everything in my head I spoke with a friend who has a phd in psychology and they suggested that the trauma she experienced probably made it difficult for her to open herself up. I went online and found this forum and started reading about ptsd - and found many stories much like my own.
I guess I'm not looking for anything here other than some validation or ... i don't even know. It just breaks my heart to lose her - and to know that she probably went back to engage in another unhealthy relationship that she felt was "safer". Soooo heart broken.
