A
AdrianM
I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months now we're both early 50s. She said she had anxiety disorder due to ptsd. This is due to past partners over a long period of time treating her very badly and making her feel unwanted etc. She told me when she's feeling the relationship is not going well (as a ptsd sufferer she's very highly sensitive to any issues even if there's nothing to worry about) she gets an adrenaline rush and will be in fight or flight mode and she can't control that.
So I've been trying to care for her. I try and look after her, I treat her nicely and we see each other about 2 to 3 times a week. I try and be as sensitive as possible.
However, every single week she lashes out at me verbally and says that the relationship is over and will literally send me home 2 minutes into a date. I used to sit outside her house in my car and text her for hours reassuring her until she calms down. However, its getting to me now. She says I'm the best guy she's ever been out with and I do so much for her but due to her ptsd she's ending dates and saying the relationship is over - this happens every week.
It can take hours or days until she'll want to see me. I do my best to be understanding but I'm finding it stressful when she launches a verbal attack on me - she says very personal things and it hurts. This means I'm less likely to want to sit outside her house for hours texting her to calm her down - which in turn will make her worse.
I understand that she will do this to any boyfriend no matter how good he is, but what can I do ? I'm finding the weekly threat of the relationship ending very stressful myself. It means instead of having happy fun dates with a beautiful girlfriend - I'm sitting in my car practically begging to see her, getting very stressed out about the constant reassurance she needs. I mean I can be texting her for hours or days until she calms down.
What can I do ? What's the right thing to do? Do I put up with ther verbal assaults and just accept it? Do i set boundaries ? Lately I've been deciding to go home when she tells me to go home - I was hoping that she might learn from this that she can't say those things. I now realise that only confirms her fears and make her emotions worse.
So what do I do ?
What's the right thing to do when she panics - put up with it ? Text her for hours until she calms down ? Go home and see friends - after all I do deserve some good times.?
I try and be supportive but we get one good date and then we get 2 days of threats to the relationship.
What's the right thing to do? She accepts it's a problem. She says she doesn't think she can change it. She's on medication for it all.
Please give me advice.
Adrian
So I've been trying to care for her. I try and look after her, I treat her nicely and we see each other about 2 to 3 times a week. I try and be as sensitive as possible.
However, every single week she lashes out at me verbally and says that the relationship is over and will literally send me home 2 minutes into a date. I used to sit outside her house in my car and text her for hours reassuring her until she calms down. However, its getting to me now. She says I'm the best guy she's ever been out with and I do so much for her but due to her ptsd she's ending dates and saying the relationship is over - this happens every week.
It can take hours or days until she'll want to see me. I do my best to be understanding but I'm finding it stressful when she launches a verbal attack on me - she says very personal things and it hurts. This means I'm less likely to want to sit outside her house for hours texting her to calm her down - which in turn will make her worse.
I understand that she will do this to any boyfriend no matter how good he is, but what can I do ? I'm finding the weekly threat of the relationship ending very stressful myself. It means instead of having happy fun dates with a beautiful girlfriend - I'm sitting in my car practically begging to see her, getting very stressed out about the constant reassurance she needs. I mean I can be texting her for hours or days until she calms down.
What can I do ? What's the right thing to do? Do I put up with ther verbal assaults and just accept it? Do i set boundaries ? Lately I've been deciding to go home when she tells me to go home - I was hoping that she might learn from this that she can't say those things. I now realise that only confirms her fears and make her emotions worse.
So what do I do ?
What's the right thing to do when she panics - put up with it ? Text her for hours until she calms down ? Go home and see friends - after all I do deserve some good times.?
I try and be supportive but we get one good date and then we get 2 days of threats to the relationship.
What's the right thing to do? She accepts it's a problem. She says she doesn't think she can change it. She's on medication for it all.
Please give me advice.
Adrian
