Girlfriend Has Ptsd, Anxiety And Depression- I Have Some Questions

[My girlPTSD]

Your posting was very interesting to read. Being in a relationship with my girlfriend for five months who also suffers from PTSD, at first. I didn't know the seriousness of this illness until I started doing some research. The way that she was treating me ranges from luke warm to cold, days would go by without any form of contact. This relationship is nothing I've experienced in my past relationships. At the start of any of my past relationships we used to consume a great amount of time on the phone or texting. After a couple of months dating my girlfriend was when I found out she was suffering from PTSD. Communication was and still is horrible; although, she has put in a considerable amount of effort in reaching out to me. I'm a very loving and romantic person by nature and because of my girlfriends illness, she is emotionally disconnected at all times. I would have to say that's the part I find the most hurtful thing. Loving someone who can not reciprocate those feelings. We've never said "I love you" to one another, because it is an uncomfortable thing for her. Creativity plays a huge part in telling her how I feel about her instead of mumbling "I love you" just by her making time in her busy schedule to spend time with me speaks volume. From 1st hand experience dating/loving someone with PTSD is a very difficult and frustrating endeavor. My suggestion is to point what behaviors hurts you. I found that by effectively communicating to my girlfriend things that she does that hurts me and how it effects me helps a lot. Next is to allow her space, sometimes she goes into isolation and I understand that. As soon she can build up the courage to text or phone me and explain what she was going through and what caused it help relieve some built up frustration. If anyone else has any helpful tips, please share.

 

[HeavenInHerEyes]

Your posting was very interesting to read. Being in a relationship with my girlfriend for five months who also suf...

You mentioned it helps to discuss thru communication with her what she does that hurts you.

I feel like i cant do that and have nobody to talk to about how i feel. I dont want to add stress on my gf which also happens to be pregnant on top of the ptsd. A part of me feels like its selfish of me to say anything in regards to how i hurt or feel. However the other part of me is stressed out, stay tired and crying inside wanting to just break it all out to someone but i have no-one to talk to about it.

I dont want to tell someone that knows her personally or someone that knows me well just out of respect for her feelings.

I haven't seen her in weeks due to transportation...AND she has a fairly busy schedule, and tbh she hasn't fully come out and said it yet but hints dropped i take it as she doesn't want me around right now.

I have no clue next time we'll be able to seee each other, honestly i feel like it will be Christmas or after. When i think about my own feelings and break down i start feeling selfish again, im not the pregnant one, im not having to deal with flashbacks of HORRIBLE events and PTSD.... im not her.....

However i do feel completely clueless sometimes, she doesn't talk about it much at all. I say good morning first every time, i say i love you first every time, i give compliments constantly never recieving any back, i try to build her up and be romantic and make her feel empowering yet when i actually get a response its thank you... which is most definitely better than nothing, but its not what im use to from her, she was on depression meds before getting pregnant and she was waaaaaay more responsive, but she cant take those meds now and i feel like sometimes im not even on her mind. Do i even exist.

I just have a million questions and feelings and emotions that i just keep bottled up. I cant sleep at night anymore now getting and keeping headaches, can't eat well without throwing up, i research this stuff constantly at nights while she's asleep and i feel alone stressed out. Tbh she has no clue how often im doin stuff soley based on hoping to find answerd to help with her ptsd which i consider a disease the more i read about it.

But.... every rose has its thorns, and every journey has storms. Sometimes the best futures have the roughest beginnings. I pray CONSTANTLY for her. Rarely ever for myself.

Tbh we both need counselling. But i will NEVER walk away from her. I believe in her, i do see an amazing worth every bit of it future. I want a family with her. Everything just feels so right when i look ahead to the after effect. I miss her touch, her hands, hugs, even just waking up to her or hearing her voice. Everything feels on edge of loss. I just pray she holds on long enough.

 

[Sean28Ward]

You mentioned it helps to discuss thru communication with her what she does that hurts you.

I feel like i can...

I dont think that is selfish. While you being a part of that relationship you also have a right to have emotion and struggle with feelings. If this is your first and only experience with dealing with a loved one in this instance your gf which you say is pregnant and PTSD on top of that, then you are still learning. Kudos to you for atleast tryin to find answers. Thats what this is for. I too have found this helpful. Everything I've read in here i can completely relate to. Not my first rodeo, however a fresh reminder is helpful.
Also you said she may not want you around and she browses online before responding while ignoring you til later, even if you say something as simple as how's your day going, she may be so stressed out she really doesn't want to go into detail with her day so far. We all would agree our loved ones should confide in us, however in their current mental state that usually doesn't come to mind. Just continue to be patient as i am too. If you both truly are in love everything will come together, just be as supportive as possible, try to read signs and react patiently. If she goes all day without talking to you, that doesn't necessarily mean she never thinks about you. With a sober mind you think atleast let me know you're ok, but with an infected mind she may see it as you assume she's ok and doesn't wanna talk to you. Being shut out is extremely difficult to comprehend, especially in a relationship, but remember this, they are experiencing the PTSD, we aren't. The symptoms can sometimes rub off on us but as a support group to the one we love we have to overcome that and be the ultimate strength they need. She probably loves you, and she's having your baby, treat her with respect and she'll overcome this in time. Be her support, that comes with the love you have. I hope this reply finds you well and of great help.

 

[LittleJaybeeWithPTSD]

Okay. So this may be weird to some of you. But. I am a sufferer and I do the same thing with my phone except I have to have it with me at all times. I lock into it just as it sounds like your girlfriend does. However. I don't use my phone for contact with anyone usually during those periods when I'm triggered. I use it for supportive quotes, (more recently) to read this forum, and to watch YouTube videos or listen to music. All of which is my coping mechanisms. I am currently trying to find a new therapist, but for now. All I have is my phone. Also, as shocking as this may sound, I became a peer counelor in high school. I went through training and became a lifetime certified peer counselor. However, this does not make me a therapist at all. But, I mainly did the classes to better understand myself as well as the people who turn to me for help and their situations. I did learn a lot about myself. And my situation and diagnosis. But I'm still learning more and more as the days go by. Every day I'm doing more and more research. That's also another reason I have my phone constantly in my hand usually. It's to learn. Because learning is also a coping skill for me. I love to learn new things. And everyone knows that if I put my phone down for any amount of time, I have had anxiety and am more likely to be triggered. So I can see where she is coming from to an extent with the phone thing. Also, it sounds like she is how I am in a relationship. I commend you for learning more about PTSD and its symptoms and are looking for help and guidance. Everything sounds about normal for a sufferer from my perspective. But yeah. I always have my phone and its how I cope every day. So to me, I see nothing wrong with that at all. Hopefully this helps with understanding possible reasons for the phone in her hand.

 

[Friday]

@LittleJaybeeWithPTSD

This is an old thread, but much the same here.

When I needed to isolate for short periods when doing well-ish, my phone was my go-to. Not only do real people leave you alone while on your phone -mostly- but it had my entire life in it. Photos. Books. Brief mindless games. My calendar. Maps. Internet. I could lock into it, and use it as a grounding tool, a reminder, an escape, and a distraction. It was hugely, inordinately helpful for me. LOL I could also use it "as" a phone. If I had it? I wasn't completely disconnected from the world. I wasn't truly isolating, yet. I was still managing my stress.

Coming out of an abusive relationship? I was insanely protective of it. Both as a lifeline, and for privacy-concerns (as well as organization issues that predate that relationship and weave in and out of almost all of my trauma history. This. This is mine. Mine. Not yours. Mine. I know where it is. I know what's in it. Don't touch it. It's mine.).

 

[Walter]

Hi everyone. I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months, fell for her hard right away. I can see m...

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Oldandinlove]

Hey,

Sorry to hear your going through this. My situation mirrors yours almost exactly. At times she tells me I'm the only person who has treated her with love in her entire life. She had been through it all. Then out of no where she gets distant and cold. I have went above and beyond for this girl. I truly believe she is my soulmate wehahe rough times. I've learned to deal with a lot. But at the end of the day. I believe she loves me. And I couldn't see myself with anyone else. No one has ever made me feel like she has. Even with all the tough times I have a reason to smile when I get up in the morning. I'd try to stick it out. It's really hard not to take it personal
Sonetimes.