Sexual Assault Giving birth and examinations after rape? (just info needed)

[SeekingAfrica]

I am SO sorry if this is invasive in anyway. I hope someone out there might be able to answer this for me...I'm trying to rebuild my life so I'm thinking about a lot of things, including whether I'd ever feel like I can handle natural birth. I was always anxious with the idea(who wouldn't be), but I was ...I had trauma as a child when I was 6(same as at 21 but can't think of it most of the time) and then again at 21(I was raped)....

Now, the rape was 7 years ago, but it was really traumatic. May be because it rang so familiar and I shut down, may be it's just how it goes...But anyway. OB/Gyn yearly checkups are still hard for me. I mentally prepare and it's so...invasive. I feel as I'm growing older I'll have to eventually go for a mammogram and that feels invasive as well. But I deal with those because they aren't often...

But the idea of pregnancy with having reactions of my body that are not mine scare me(the not in control of your body feeling). The idea that you need to get check ups regularly. The idea that anyone you don't know might be touching your stomach(for whatever reason that is very invasive for me too)...the idea of the giving birth itself, because I know that whatever plan you make and however you prepare, something can go wrong and the plan may need to change.

Also the idea of giving birth in a room with many other women I don't know doing the same... But for that one I would probably try to find a place where I can get private room...

I often think I would like to adopt if I ever have children, for many reasons, but sometimes I wonder if this doesn't play a large role into it. I don't know why I'm thinking of this tonight, I'm no where near to getting to the having a baby part...but I just would like to know if anyone else has went through it fine. I mean I'm sure they have. I just probably have some more growing to do before that.

 

[Bristol]

I totally get all those concerns, i have the added issues that we are undergoing fertility tests because two years later we arnt pregnant, adding to the feeling that my csa is to blame. I feel the same on the body not being mine again, people commenting and the whole idea of breasy feeding freaks me right out. I dont know how i feel about any of it, sometimes i wonder whether im trying for a baby because i should be rather than i want to be, like i have something to prove. I have no advice but i do understand It.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I totally get all those concerns, i have the added issues that we are undergoing fertility tests becaus...

Thanks! Oh, and yeah, totally forgot the breastfeeding too, that for me is scarier than the childbirth, because at least that is only one time.

 

[NightSky]

Hi there! Just want to say, breastfeeding can be a very healing experience. It has been for me. Your body is literally giving life. The opposite of assault/abuse. The same can be said for pregnancy and birth. It's not the same as exams. Because during pregnancy and in birth you are caring for another human being who is vulnerable and entirely dependent on you. It can be an amazing experience. But you want to find an on/gyn who knows you have ptsd, who will be extra careful with you. Try not to be scared ahead of time. It's different for everyone, but if *can* be truly beautiful and positive and life altering in a good way.

 

[deeplyloved]

Do you have access to a midwife? I have four children and had difficult pregnancies. However, birthing, nursing and gently raising them has been more healing for me than anything else. I think that the affirming, gentle, slow-paced, personal, woman-centered care I received from my midwives had a lot to do with this. They taught me how to listen to my body and my heart and my intuition again. Nursing in particular taught me that I am enough. It compelled me to stop, be still and stop "doing" and being busy all the time. My babies needed me to lay down, rest, and be present with them. I was scared too, before I became a parent. I surrounded myself with other people who parented in the ways I also hoped to parent. If you choose, you can be a "good enough" parent too.

 

[littleoc]

Do you have access to a midwife? I have four children and had difficult pregnancies. However, birth...

Okay, stupid question, but what's a midwife exactly? In this context?

 

[mumstheword]

Okay, stupid question, but what's a midwife exactly? In this context?

A midwife is someone (usually a woman) who is trained, especially, to deliver babies and support women through pregnancy and post natally (after the birth).

 

[Friday]

Okay, stupid question, but what's a midwife exactly? In this context?

Training varies by country, but here they usually have a BSRN (bachelors of science in nursing), if not a masters or doctorate, and have specialized in midwifery (just like some nurses specialize in anaesthesiology, or surgery, or pediatrics, or psychiatric nursing & counseling).

Practice also varies by country, but here... Unlike standard births where you’re taken care of by the nursing staff during your labor, and then the doctor comes in for the delivery itself (as little a 5 minutes, as long as about an hour), a CNM (certified nurse midwife) stays with you throughout the entire labor & delivery. Whether it’s a 3 hour labor or a 30 hour labour.

Unlike standard prenatal care, where appointments are generally about 15 minutes, and focus exclusively on you & your baby’s health; appointments with midwife teams tend to last 30-90 minutes, and cover all aspects of life and living. The number of appointments also tends to be higher, especially if they’re part of a team, so that you can spend time with each of the midwives who may be with you during delivery. Most midwives in my area operate in teams of 3+, because they do stay with Mom throughout the delivery, and not only can 2 moms be in labor at the same time (can’t be in 2 places at once!), but a third can go into labor immediately after, and then a 4th, 5th, 6th (30 hour birth, 17 hour birth, 22 hour birth, 4 hour birth, 33 hour birth... wait... when does that allow the midwife to sleep? Right). There are solo practioners out there, but they usually have an assistant or three that can fill in during the labor if another mom is delivering, or to allow the CNM time to grab a few hours of sleep... or they end up using the nursing staff at the hospital in the same way that doctors do.

Regardless of whether you have a team or a solo? There’s a great deal more relationship building & time spent with a midwife, both during prenatal care & the labor/delivery itself.

 

[Gs172003]

They are illegal in my state so people will see them here and give birth elsewhere.