Gods Judgment And My Fear Of Him

[Uwa]

Ugh the nightmares.......It's like nightmares are my flashbacks cuz I wake up with so much anxiety that everything I just dreamed about i have to put the pieces together and say it wasn't real........My biggest fear was when I started to backslide and I smoked some weed and it threw me into the psychosis I had in 05. Being much scarier than not know who you are or what is going on but to know who you are and just reliving the flashback all over again. I kept my brain together enough that I didn't start losing it completely but it turned into a Pure O spike that I would obsess on greatly to the point my anxiety was causing me to throw up. It was horrible. Today I feel led to be that advocate for someone so they don't have to suffer the pain I go thru. Survived and suicide attempt. So I have all the pieces to make a puzzle.

 

[Uwa]

This is sonicwhite NTW I just haven't figured out how to do these forums.

 

[Ecoj]

I am a little confused, you are afraid of God because you attempted suicide and survived?

I realise this varies from denominations, but at least according to my church. You have not committed a mortal sin. Suicide is a considered a mortal sin, simply because you cannot repent if you are successful.

Since you are obviously still among the living, and remorseful. What ever ritual or prayer you use for absolution, should suffice.

On a more personal note, I don't really understand why anyone would apologize to god for anything. He seems to have no respect or compassion for life in any way shape or form. I hate the f*cker. He can judge me all the hell he wants.

God in my eyes is just a spoiled child with an ant farm. But to each their own.