Relationship Going Through The Motions

[Glara]

So I'm still waiting for him to come back. I know he's trying, he's been texting a little more frequently, I know he doesn't want to let me go. But I find myself getting more depressed each day. I'm doing stuff to keep busy but I'm just going through the motions. I find I don't have any energy. I haven't had the energy to do my workouts and bike rides. I know these things would make me feel better but I just can't get motivated to do them. It's even worse because my daughter moved out a month ago when all this began happening. She was the person who motivated me. Writing this makes me want to cry. I don't really have any friends to do much with. Anyone else going through this and if so do you hav suggestions hiw I can snap out of it?

 

[scout86]

Sorry you're having a hard time!

If you're in a relationship with someone they really should be there for you sometimes too, you know? Have you told him how you're feeling? I kind of think he has a right to know, and you have a right to know how he's going to deal with it. If he's at a place where he's up for really being in a relationship, he'll deal with it. If he's not, he won't, but at least you'll know. He may think you're fine without him. Maybe it would matter if he knew you're not.

 

[Sighs]

Does he have a plan? As in, is there anything in place with the aim of improving his symptoms to the point where he can participate in your relationship to a level that would be acceptable to you? (I'm not saying the plan will work but at least if there is a plan you can see a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. And having made Plan A, if that doesn't work he is more likely to make a Plan B. Even an unsuccessful plan is better than no plan at all.)

 

[Justmehere]

It sounds like you are grieving the loss of more closeness and time with him. More than texts. Like you used to have.

Losing energy and motivation is common with grief, and/or also varying degrees of depression.

I agree with telling him how you feel, what you need and want, and he can either do it or not. If someone I was shut down with was feeling this way, I would want to know. Even if I couldn't be more "there" for them or closer, I would want to know. Sometimes it helps me get out of my own head a bit.

Be kind to you. Keep reaching out for support. I don't know how you can snap out of something like this, but I know that will time and support, losses like this usually get a lot better.

It also might be worth considering cutting down contact until he is ready to be closer? Maybe it's too much of an inadvertent reminder of the loss of being closer... I'm not sure. It's just a thought. If the texting helps you, then I support that too.

Maybe finding more friends is a good goal too. Maybe a volunteer group, look for meet up groups nearby. I struggle with finding good friends too - these are just two things that have helped me when enduring losses and pain in relationships. It gave me places to go and do stuff with people and it kinda helps sometimes.