Good sites to "unbrainwash" or "deprogram"one self?

[lostforgottensoul]

SOME people take that as a justification and its not, its true. Just because i.redo the ritual doesnt mean i.dont want to stop.doing it

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@scout86 noticed i replaced "everyone" with "some". Now i just need to.figure out how to not take someone's view point into me like its fact.and defines me

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I just hope this fight of keeping the blame where it should be gets easier w/ time.. the more i fight the easier it will be?

 

[scout86]

I don't know if looking at it as a fight it the best way to look at it. It might be, for you. But, yeah, changing the way you think about this stuff does seem to get easier with time. When you think about it, you've spent most of your life believing the moon was made of green cheese and thinking the people who told you that were trustworthy, reliable, and knew better than anyone else. Realizing that none of that was true is kind of a big chunk to swallow. It definitely gets easier. And see the inaccuracies in your thinking gets easier too. The "believing" part, way deep down inside, is harder. At least it seems that way to me.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I re-read anthony's last post as a "refresher and then my reply as a reminder at WHY the blame.doesnt belong on me...so now im gonna quote my own post and re-phease it.

Not sure why everyone is expecting me to stop doing one over night because its immoral, ALL of the rituals are immoral thus why i have to punish which is my judgement on myself. I cant just stop one over night doesnt work that way!

A few seem to be asking me to stop a ritual over night, this is a bit by bit process therefore not possible.

Better @scout86 ?

This fight to keep the blame on them is f*cking exhausting!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The "believing" part, way deep down inside, is harder.

Yes it is but i think its like a reminding yourself over and over and over until it sticks deep down in your core beliefs..thrn move to the next one...or at.least thats how im interupting anthony's last reply anyway....

 

[Chava]

All I was saying in that other post was that you were contradicting yourself. That you were an "addict" but that you also had strong will and could quit if you wanted. What you do, or when you feel ready, is your business. Just a friendly challenge to the way you were describing this. If you're not ready to change, you're not. But then it's not about wanting to change and it's also not about will. It's about not knowing how to change or how to cope otherwise. And that's pretty normal when trying to give up stuff.

I made no moral judgment on you, fyi (you do that to yourself, which is why quitting the behavior would be really healing if you want to get out of your self-perpetuating shame trap). The concern was the act of reenacting abuse. And yes, the "everyone" language isn't helpful. Good to notice those habits. I also didn't see others making moral judgments on you, though maybe I missed something.

If you don't accept questions or gentle challenges to your thinking here, you will always be find yourself "triggered" and able to blame others for triggering you, when really you rearrange all the words to match your own beliefs.

 

[ghotiff]

A few seem to be asking me to stop a ritual over night, this is a bit by bit process therefore not possible.

How about even softer, more positive language.

Eg
It feels like a few people hope I can stop a ritual overnight. I am working towards stoping this ritual and I look forward to it being gone from my life.

I don't know much about self harm, but it sounds like that is the basis of your ritual (I am very sensitive to these things so if you did post more info on it I would have skipped those paragraphs). Maybe discussions on how to stop self harm might help. I've heard about replacing items with ice as a first step. Maybe any change to the ritual so that you break the "ritual" part is a first step. But, this is not my area of knowledge so I could be way off.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Chava i cant do this right now and i thought i had said that over in my diary.

I feel judged over it thus my brain goes to "im bad" thus blame moves back over and what happened last night is un done.

I just got done fighting and winning tbis aftering being retriggered over it.

Therefore i am.respectfully not going to read that right now.

Its a self done ritual that will change OVER time. Nuff said about the god damn thing!

 

[Chava]

Alright. Super hard to dialogue here anywhere. Carry on...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't know much about self harm, but it sounds like that is the basis of your ritual

Its a basis to all.of my self done rituals because my brain.says "you must be punished for being bad" hense why i keep getting retriggered over it.

Maybe discussions on how to stop self harm might help. I've heard about replacing items with ice as a first step. Maybe any change to the ritual so that you break the "ritual" part is a first step. But, this is not my area of knowledge so I could be way off.

You arent way off. Ive been cutting and was cut, self harming in other ways since about the age of 7.

Before i unsupressed the cult stuff, i tried to stop cutting w/ ice in from 19 to 21 ish and it worked but had stop working.

My self harm centers around making it hurt as much as i possible cut like putting rubbing alcohol on it. It also centers around sex as it did in the cult.

So i think the ice stopped working because i needed it to hurt more.

I have since , since my ex and i got together, always replaced cutting w/ drugs & visa versa. Ive never been without one of them since i was 23.

I might try ice again on "not so bad" triggers but if im spirling i know i will keep seek pain until it numbs whats inside or it goes directly to suicide.

And the pain inside has been getting worse as i dig this out and thus my punishments follow.

Not sure working on punishments right now is a good place to work on cuz so as long as the cult beliefs rule my thoughts & my life i will feel i need to punish.

Now if i debunk the beliefs (many many many surround that) then i think the need to punish will also demish.

I also might be way off but its how im understanding this process.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It feels like a few people hope I can stop a ritual overnight. I am working towards stoping this ritual and I look forward to it being gone from my life.

I like that!