JadedGhost13
Silver Member
I am so glad the holidays are over, now the spin down begins. I've been in bed all day for the exception of taking my son to subway for a bite to eat.
I'm not religious so I really have no reason the celebrate, however my family is religious and do celebrate and insist that I participate. I got away with minimal decoration. I'm not sure how to post a photo here or I would show you how the following description looked. I took a white tree, and on the top I placed this rediculouse snowman hat on. The hat was something I found months ago at the church thrift sale down the road. I did. I need a scarf as the crazy looking hat had a scarf coming from each side that I assume if worn as a hat, you would tie the scarfs under your chin. I then made 3 quick Pom-poms from black tulle, and I use one small roll of decorative ribbon to make 3 sections. The tree was a snowman, easy and fast up, easy and fast down. I only put the tree up because I had children visiting for the holidays which put more stress and struggle on me.
My mother, who is a source of much of my trauma invited herself and my sisters 3 kids for a 3 day stay. Since my injury and decission to retire from my profession because of my PTSD I have settled into a comfortable pattern. My son lives with me to help with my care and to make sure I do not slip too low, that I make appointments, and that I take my meds is also in a pattern. Our patterns were disrupted and our space invaded. My mother told my son she was taking his bed and he was taking the sofa, thankfully he did not allow that to happen, he stood his ground. However, the children would not pallet on the floor and invaded our beds. Needless to say I was exhausted the entire time they were here.
One of my new symptoms, one that I have spoke to a doctor about becuase I'm mad at my doctor and shopping for a new one is sounds, I will try my best to explain this, I hearall the sounds the house makes then some. I'm ok with the sound of the ice maker dumping ice and filling up to make more, I am ok with the TV being on, in fact I prefer to sleep with a TV on. However there were 3 TV's on all the time over the holidays and between the noise from those and talking from people I felt like I was in a stadium or something it was too many things going at once. This did cause some unrest for me, I paced until people fell asleep so I could turn the TV's to no sound so I could try to rest. But here's the noises I cannot handle, I could hear my mom turning on the sofa, and she had it all the way to the wall so it was scratching my wall to the back of my sofa everytime she moved, it drove me insane. My son who often sits in my room at my secretary and plays a game on my computer will for some reason move in such a way that causes my secretary to make sounds. He cant hear them, but they drive me insane and often times I have to ask him to leave my room so I can rest. I can hear light bulbs, so I prefer to sit in the dark, I also hear the heater and even though no one else seems to notice the sounds it makes I hear every sound and it keeps me awake. So one can only imagine how all the noise bothered me with 4 extra people in my home. Then there is my spouse, I can hear him breath, and I cannot stand it. He does this hard short fast breathing out of his nose, I do not hear many people breath, but I get away from them if I do.for some reason it just really bothers me.
I'm not sure why I am hearing things that no one else hears or bothers to acknowledge and why they are so irritating, but it is causing major sleep disturbances for me which is sad, because on the rare nights I am able to rest, I have started taking mini press and the sleep is so good. I sleep a long time, but it is solid sleep with no dreaming whatsoever.
Then I am also going through something I am familiar with, I trust no one and its best I avoid contact with others because I will say what is on my mind, and I know that it really bothers people when I get like that. So I tend to seclude when I am in this state of mind. If I do not I do leave a distructive path. I do work hard to remind myself that its not proper or moral for me to take my pain out on others.
So here I am spinning down from the holidays and Ihope I am able to avoid the company and other aspects of it next year. Its just too hard to complicate the jungle in my head with avoidable junk.
I guess I just needed to get all this off my chest. I'm sure there are others who,are spinning down as well and if you are just know you are not alone.
I'm not religious so I really have no reason the celebrate, however my family is religious and do celebrate and insist that I participate. I got away with minimal decoration. I'm not sure how to post a photo here or I would show you how the following description looked. I took a white tree, and on the top I placed this rediculouse snowman hat on. The hat was something I found months ago at the church thrift sale down the road. I did. I need a scarf as the crazy looking hat had a scarf coming from each side that I assume if worn as a hat, you would tie the scarfs under your chin. I then made 3 quick Pom-poms from black tulle, and I use one small roll of decorative ribbon to make 3 sections. The tree was a snowman, easy and fast up, easy and fast down. I only put the tree up because I had children visiting for the holidays which put more stress and struggle on me.
My mother, who is a source of much of my trauma invited herself and my sisters 3 kids for a 3 day stay. Since my injury and decission to retire from my profession because of my PTSD I have settled into a comfortable pattern. My son lives with me to help with my care and to make sure I do not slip too low, that I make appointments, and that I take my meds is also in a pattern. Our patterns were disrupted and our space invaded. My mother told my son she was taking his bed and he was taking the sofa, thankfully he did not allow that to happen, he stood his ground. However, the children would not pallet on the floor and invaded our beds. Needless to say I was exhausted the entire time they were here.
One of my new symptoms, one that I have spoke to a doctor about becuase I'm mad at my doctor and shopping for a new one is sounds, I will try my best to explain this, I hearall the sounds the house makes then some. I'm ok with the sound of the ice maker dumping ice and filling up to make more, I am ok with the TV being on, in fact I prefer to sleep with a TV on. However there were 3 TV's on all the time over the holidays and between the noise from those and talking from people I felt like I was in a stadium or something it was too many things going at once. This did cause some unrest for me, I paced until people fell asleep so I could turn the TV's to no sound so I could try to rest. But here's the noises I cannot handle, I could hear my mom turning on the sofa, and she had it all the way to the wall so it was scratching my wall to the back of my sofa everytime she moved, it drove me insane. My son who often sits in my room at my secretary and plays a game on my computer will for some reason move in such a way that causes my secretary to make sounds. He cant hear them, but they drive me insane and often times I have to ask him to leave my room so I can rest. I can hear light bulbs, so I prefer to sit in the dark, I also hear the heater and even though no one else seems to notice the sounds it makes I hear every sound and it keeps me awake. So one can only imagine how all the noise bothered me with 4 extra people in my home. Then there is my spouse, I can hear him breath, and I cannot stand it. He does this hard short fast breathing out of his nose, I do not hear many people breath, but I get away from them if I do.for some reason it just really bothers me.
I'm not sure why I am hearing things that no one else hears or bothers to acknowledge and why they are so irritating, but it is causing major sleep disturbances for me which is sad, because on the rare nights I am able to rest, I have started taking mini press and the sleep is so good. I sleep a long time, but it is solid sleep with no dreaming whatsoever.
Then I am also going through something I am familiar with, I trust no one and its best I avoid contact with others because I will say what is on my mind, and I know that it really bothers people when I get like that. So I tend to seclude when I am in this state of mind. If I do not I do leave a distructive path. I do work hard to remind myself that its not proper or moral for me to take my pain out on others.
So here I am spinning down from the holidays and Ihope I am able to avoid the company and other aspects of it next year. Its just too hard to complicate the jungle in my head with avoidable junk.
I guess I just needed to get all this off my chest. I'm sure there are others who,are spinning down as well and if you are just know you are not alone.
