Not celebrating the holidays: tips?

SeekingAfrica

Diamond Member
I can't spend a dime for food that isn't what I just have at home leftover, I have to work (apply for work) and I still might be in huge trouble for some bills and I'm too depressed to be festive much...

Any tips on what to do? Or maybe how to set my thoughts so the holiday season doesn't make me feel even worse about the situation?

I really need to reset, but also I can't spend money or take time off even for a night. Already lost too many nights in a breakdown.
 
With my wife and I living apart I was not invited to the family Christmas. Painful but I am doing my best. I have been trying to keep busy doing productive things like some cleaning in the garage any 2 1/2 hours at the gym. I would sure getting some exercise like walking. It doesn’t cost anything. I am sure there are plenty of workouts on YouTube for exercising inside that doesn’t require equipment. I really find exercise helps my mood which is pretty low due to the whole Christmas thing.
 
Being raised in a military family means I don’t hold much with dates. We move birthdays & holidays around on the calendar to suit ourselves. IE WHEN people would be home… unless it was a long deployment… was WHEN we would get festive. And if it was a long deployment, so we had the holidays without one or more people? Certain things would be set aside for them, for when they were home.

So this COULD be an exciting thing, for you, getting to rain-cheque/god-mode a holiday for the first time, so that in a month -or 7 months- you have an “excuse” to take a couple days off and CELEBRATE in the most fun/festive way possible.

The Big Trick is NOT cancelling the holiday. Not, “I can’t do XYZ this year”. But actually moooooooving it, to when it makes sense to celebrate it.

It’s a more common practice than one might think, moving dates:
- Military
- First Response
- Medical
- Hospitality
- Oil Rigs
- Quite a few other jobs
ALL WORK 365 DAYS A YEAR.
A great many other jobs aren’t year round, but seasonal (commercial fishermen, ballet, pro sports, touring musicians, etc.), and those seasons? Fall over birthdays and holidays.

So if your parent/spouse/child is working over the birthday/holiday? You simply move it. Because the important thing is the celebration, and the people you love. Not the date it’s celebrated on by people who work bankers hours. (Or you stick like glue to the dates, and so&so always MISSES IT. WAAAAAAH. YOU DONT REALLY LOVE MEEEEEE! <.< ??? It’s crazy, I know, but there’s always soooooomeone who marries an idiot.)

It’s one of the many things I like about Islam… if someone isn’t able to do Ramadan? ((Sick, pregnant, travelling, etc., by law (outside of the most extremist factions), are actually not allowed to fast.)) It. Is. Completely. Accepted/Expected that you will have your own private Ramadan laaaaaater. It’s also common for a friend or loved one to “double up”, IE do things in your honor during actual Ramadan -or- to fast, donate, etc. with you once you’re well enough. Or both. Or some people do extra in your honor, and others fast a second time -in part or in whole- with you.

Ditto, in much of Eastern Europe / Soviet Era it became commonplace for everyone’s families to celebrate Christmas at different times during the winter. “Winter” was the guideline. Pretty much anytime between Nov-Feb “Santa” could come the night before & it would be “Christmas” (or Secular Celebration of the Family) or most commonly “New Years” (they’re not Christmas trees, they’re New Years trees. Santa doesn’t come at Christmas. Santa comes at New Years) that day. An allowed absence from both school & work. Why did the dates become fluid? People weren’t paid, regularly. So Christmas was celebrated “when dad got paid”. People would still light a candle, or attend church, or whatever was accepted/available/possible on the various dates… but the celebration? Happened when it could happen.

***

ETA It was implied above, but should probably be stated outright.

The 2nd Biggest Trick = DO NOT PICK A DATE NOW. Pick what you want to DO. What/How you want to celebrate. So that when you can? You do. You’ve already got it all planned out in your head, and are only eagerly awaiting to implement.
 
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Bit like Friday, my favourite Christmas ever was the one where I worked back to back 16 hour shift on Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day on the psychiatric intensive care unit. I didn't see it as 'missing' the holiday (I am not a fan of it anyway) just that I was doing something different.

BUT.... I did like to travel (just this country, cheaper!) , so the money I didn't spend celebrating I'd do a cheap break with in February time for a bargain few days, I always got pick of the annual leave from work because everyone was skint... and hired a little cottage or whatever somewhere pretty for me and the dogs, and have some beautiful walks. That was my 'treat' as an alternative Christmas.

Is there any way of you seeing it as 'doing something different ' in the short term and celebrate in a different way, even if that's things you like on the TV and out for a walk etc and save up for a celebration of whatever you pick once things are more steady?
 
Do at least one thing you'd hope to or like. Tell people you love them. Be grateful for who or what you can be grateful for. Let yourself feel whatever you need to but don't allow yourself to wallow. Honor the day by putting your thoughts and pressures and trauma-associations aside for a moment if you are able. Remember the 1st Christmas was effectively under pretty traumatic conditions, but it has become a celebration. So dare to allow yourself a little peace and hope. Give yourself permission to be sweet and relax for a moment. Have a laugh if you can and de-stress.
 
I'm not celebrating it, I haven't for years. Nowhere to go and no one to go with, and I truly hate this time of year. I try to spend the day doing something that tends to get interrupted at any other time of the year.

This year I'm sorting through my kitchen to see what needs to be restocked (food wise,) cleaned (gadget and cupboard/shelf wise,) or replaced (everything wise.)

The radio will be off and I don't have a TV so don't get Christmas specials rammed down my throat, instead my Walkman (yes, I still use one) will be on with something to get the energy going (rock, power ballad etc) and I'll be cracking on.

It means I get through the day, doesn't cost me anything and I can sit down later with a book and know I've done something positive even if I haven't managed to finish it, I've made a good start.
 
What I love about not celebrating holidays is I get to enjoy the stillness of no commerce, no traffic, without having to be stressed about cooking/cleaning. I get to soak in the “do nothing-ness” more than any other day. Fave activities are reading and walking in nature on holidays.
 

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