General Got Pushed Away Again

[LoyalOne]

We were happily making plans to see each other this coming weekend in a city where we both have a bunch of stuff going on - meeting for lunches and sightseeing between obligations, etc.

Monday morning = Happy Planning
Monday afternoon = 'If you have stuff to do, I can just stay home,' 'I turned down work to go see you, you know,' etc.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to beg him to show up? He didn't answer my text or call last night to clear it up, and is silent today. What the hell did I do? It is going to be difficult to be cheerful on vacation.

 

[Sandra]

I'm sorry it turned out this way. But you can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

 

[LoyalOne]

Sigh. Nopey nope. I just wish he could express himself in a way that made sense to me. Oh well. If wishes were horses....

 

[Whereveryougo]

Sorry! I totally understand how you feel:( My vet is isolating right now. I am rather new to this I do not know if I should just wait or contact him! It drives me nuts! I hope you can find happiness on your vacation:)

 

[Tabitha]

I completely understand your frustration with the failed plans. I go through it almost weekly. I just remind myself there are better days to come...

 

[LoyalOne]

He popped up today and told me he assumed I was going to ditch him for my other friends, so he was pissed.

(counts to ten slowly)

I am too upset to even deal with him. I know rationally his fears are overwhelming his common sense that I would not do that to him, but I am pretty irritated. I am so glad I have you guys to say this to, because if I spoke to him right now, I might say something to make it worse.

 

[Molly Anne]

B is treating our whole (likely failed) relationship that way.

He went so far as to tell me that if it hadn't happened with Destiny that way (the ex from long ago that left him by cheating and breaking his heart) that we probably wouldn't be in the situation we're in now (him walking out of my life).

I guess he's so scared that he'll fall so deeply in love with me that he won't see the world going by that he doesn't want to make the commitment (he's referred to previously having his head stuck so far up his a** that he lost all of his friends and etc.) Well, that or he's somehow convinced I'll hurt him.

I can thoroughly understand that after the losses he's encountered during his deployment he can't bear the thought of one more thing going wrong, so he seems to be running away before it can fail... but honestly it was the calmest, happiest relationship I've ever been in.

Anyway.... above all else he can't handle the commitment right now at all... my psych has said that his feelings are genuine, he just can't back it up right now. Trying to be patient.

It's just hard to face the isolation. I'm fluxuating between grief and frustration. Good to know I'm not alone.

Just hope at the very least I get an opportunity for some closure. Really missing his company today though, so glad I can come here. Thanks for listening.

 

[Whereveryougo]

Very frusterating! My vet called texted last night to tell me I was all he had yet he has been MIA for 3 days now. I wanted to say if I am all you have then where the ##%% have you been for two damn days while I am depressed in bed and crying over you... I just asked if he wanted me to come see him and was answered with an abrupt no hmmm why does this man want to be alone if I am all he has... this isolation stuff sux! I am so lonely for him!

 

[LoyalOne]

Remember time is not the same when your head is not in the here and now. Every minute for us is stretched out to an eternity like space time taffy when we are panicked.

He cropped up again, by the way.

 

[LoyalOne]

Told me he was coming. Yay! More Happy Plans!

Then texted that he forgot he had plans to get together with someone he can see any time, so he isn't coming. Um, oh. Okay.

I asked whether he was mad at me for something, and he asked; 'Should I be?' What the hell does that mean?

I told him to do whatever the hell it was he wanted to do, and he just texted that he would see me tomorrow morning in _________ City.

Okay! :confused:

I am confused and practically in tears.

 

[Molly Anne]

So is it normal for them to reappear in your life? I want SO BADLY for my sufferer to contact me AT ALL. Should I continue to hope he'll call someday? Or am I kidding myself?

edit: I admit it hasn't been that long - about 10 days since we talked about whoever it is he's sort of seeing and the fact that he still misses me and thinks about me... but like you said: 10 days feels like years to me. Do you think he'll show up in my life again someday?

I am SO SAD today and have already had a couple of meltdowns.

 

[Whereveryougo]

Molly, I do not know if you read any of my threads but I was having the same issue and my veteran (what i like to call him) calls last night and says can you make me a chocolate cake and can I come over (btw all his stuff is already at my house he lives there) this is after being gone since Monday. I told him sure so he comes everything was awesome he stayed up all night "protecting the house" and when I got up he hugged me and went to bed... So I beginning to see how the isolation works very clearly. Another friend told me not to contact him daily but everyonce in while just send a text to let them know you care. Sometimes they will push us to see how much we can handle my Veteran told me that. He also blatently told me that he does not want me to be hostage to his disease. I had a total meltdown Wednesday and his does hurt and the lonliness noone else can fill sux! It has been ten days send a quick text "just thinking of you" or "hope your ok" that seems to work for me. BTW I dont think I told everyone but my oldest two sons are also in the Army and my daughter just enlisted Air Force and I still am on here:)