I actually got into a huge argument with my mom tonight because she thinks I'm pouring all my energy into HIM because I want to understand what's going on... but in reality, I'm just the type of person that needs to understand something to feel better about it.
Totally the same type... and good for you to take this on now! 'If I only knew what I knew then...' :oops: So many of my relationships would have been different or have not have been because I would have known better.
As for mom's they tend to fear what they A) don't know, and B) get super angry and protective when it is making us cry.
Oh the wonders I've accomplished over the last 10 years with my folks since my marriage to a military man and divorce.
1- Had I known more about myself, my choices and reasons leading into that relationship may have DEFINITELY been different but that is just being 19.
2- Had I had any experience or family knowledge of PTSD - mental illness - or even how a physical disability can affect your mind - or respect for it, acceptance of learning and educating about it, or respect for therapy, my relationship may have been different
3- If I hadn't leargone through then, or some of my other experiences, this whole recent relationship would've been the exact same, I would've continued spiraling out of confusion, anger and hurt, and I wouldn't have had anything to add to my understanding which has in a crazy fast way helped me better ME and rubbed off even more on my loved ones including sufferer.
I didn't speak to my parents for 3 months after my marriage ended. And after that, it was little by little for almost a year speaking to them and before I saw them again. They were never on my side, they always put me down and that followed when I finally told everyone to 'drop dead' and I asked for a divorce. Their voice and mind set began to change when they realized that NOT talking to me was worse than not agreeing with me and we've since had a handful of arguments vs. arguing every time we talked, and they are my biggest supporters/friends/protectors and the most understanding people I never EVER thought they would be. God I love them!!! :inlove:
We can't blame those for what they don't know and how they handle things, we can only take responsibility for ourselves and what we need in order to work for ourselves. Building boundaries and standing our ground. If behaviour from ANYONE is unacceptable, you have every right to say it. It's also within your control and YOUR timeline when you want to discuss it, if it's worth discussing, or how you approach it. It's all a learning and practice process but the more you solidify what is important to you and just stand true to that while working on lessening the reaction to someone elses criticism (be it naive or educated), the better your life will get. You may lose some people who are not up to the challenge but I truly believe that if they love us, are also open to learning and trying new things, you will see their improvement and will have done nothing to add to it but loving yourself above and beyond someone else opinion.
I say all this from lessons I'm STILL learning and now that I actually can see it and feel it... it is awesome!!! Not always easy... nothing is. But good for you for taking care of you and standing up for you and having the patience with your mother as well as understanding that she still is growing too. :D
I wish you the utmost luck on your journey and with communicating with your ex if that is in your cards. ((((MOLLY))))
